Feminist (Ally?) Food for Thought: Richard Delgado

I’m still rather occupied with, umm, trying to craft an exit plan from my current situation.  Felicitously for me, at this very moment this involves reading a lot of legal theory!  I had forgotten how much I loved legal theory.  JD Regent surely thinks I am crazy, but nothing appeals to me more than a morning of toast, tea, and a nice journal article.

Awhile back I got into a discussion with some of you in which I was trying to explain why I can’t unqualifiedly sign on to things like the First Amendment.  While I wasn’t particularly articulate then, what I was trying to articulate is that I am concerned about the way in which structural inequalities stop some people from speaking out in the first place.  Today in working on this project (perhaps related!) I came across an article by Richard Delgado that more or less expressed what I would have liked to have said, though in this article he is speaking of race specifically:

The system of free expression also has a powerful after-the-fact apologetic function.  Elite groups use the supposed existence of a marketplace of ideas to justify their own superior position.  Imagine a society in which all As were rich and happy, all Bs were moderately comfortable, and all Cs were poor, stigmatized, and reviled.  Imagine also that this society scrupulously believes in a free marketplace of ideas.  Might not the As benefit greatly from such a system?  On looking about them and observing the inequality in the distribution of wealth, longevity, happiness and safety between themselves and others, they might feel guilt.  Perhaps their own superior position is undeserved, or at least requires explanation.  But the existence of an ostensibly free marketplace of ideas renders that effort unnecessary.  Rationalization is easy: our ideas, our culture competed with their more easygoing ones and won.  It was a fair  fight.  Our position must be deserved; the distribution of social goods must be roughly what fairness, merit, and equity call for.  It is up to them to change, not us.

What We Learned from the SuperBowl Ads

Superbowl Sunday is as much–if not more–about the flashy, expensive ads as it is the outcome of the game.  A lot of the lead-up hubbub was about the Tebow “Abortions Murder Football Heros!” ad, but if one were an alien who landed in the US yesterday afternoon in time for the game, one might have learned the following messages about gender:

• Women and Doritos are of equal value, to be coveted by some men (skeevy would-be boyfriends) and protected by others (aw, cute little boys!), who are their rightful owners.

• Women aspire to be shirt-stripping sports-objects for web-hosting sites. (This from the only commercial I saw that had women speaking to each other and/or no men at all.)

• Men spend a lot of time walking around without their pants on.  This is gross and yet HI-larious.  Women who appear without pants are HOT.  The less often women wear pants, the better things are.

• Little people are male, and funny-looking.  Let us laugh at them!

• Good Women attain their status by birthing (white) ball-throwing male children.

• Life with a woman is an endless parade of emasculating indignities that men endure mostly in silence.  This heroism is possible thanks to the dick-hardening properties of a car with a big motor or a portable sports-watching device.  This is the hill men will rightfully die  upon.

Men talk a lot more.  Men do more things.  Men are the people whose talking and doing matters.

In other words: welcome to the patriarchy. Now go get me a beer (bitch).

Friday Fun Thread: Go-To Web Happies!

One of the many wonderful things about the web, and especially sites like YouTube, is that you can find yourself a little pick-me-up with a few clicks of the mouse.

Since I first saw the Hamster Dance (warning for loud annoying music), back in 1999, I’ve frequently enjoyed these 2-minute mood-lifters, and this time of year, when I doubt I will ever see the sun again, I appreciate them even more.

We started our Facebook page this week, and seeing so many of you join us over there is a great variation on a web-happy, but what prompted this FFT is a video one of our readers, Erin, posted to our page there, and which deserves to be seen.  (Thanks, Erin!)

Put the Oxygen Mask on Yourself First

You’ve probably heard that phrase before, if only prior to taking off for a holiday somewhere.

I’ve been seeing and hearing it quite a bit lately, and it’s typically aimed at women; I see it on ads, websites, and channels targeted to women, anyway.  On the surface, it seems like a good thing; it is of course intended to counteract the years of conditioning to shut up, sit down, scoot over, take the smaller piece of pie, smile and look pretty, et cetera, et cetera, that women receive. Unfortunately, this message is also usually intended to get you to buy something.  Y’know, ‘cause you deserve it.

Apart from the capitalist-in-sheep’s-clothing aspect, there are two things I really deeply dislike about this meme:

The Grudge Report

O Magazine writer Martha Beck is all about holding a grudge…for good reason. She writes:

Can love, forgiveness, and holding grudges really go together? Yes, they can — depending on how you define grudge.

A good grudge is simply an acknowledgment of another person’s foibles — it keeps you at a safe emotional distance from people who could mess up your life. Depending on the person, you might hold a grudge as light as a parasol or as solid as a titanium shield.

Beck’s essay goes on to describe the three types she feels are most worthy of a good self-protective grudge: gaslighters (people who make you feel creepy and self-doubting), les pitiables (people who take advantage of your pity) and Mr. Hydes (those given to sudden, inexplicable rages or personality shifts). In many ways Beck’s advocating a version of Gavin de Becker’s advice to always trust your instincts; if your interactions with someone feel wrong, you want to leave that person alone–or if you can’t avoid them completely, be vigilant. Holding a grudge, she says, is just a useful way of keeping your guard up.

Beck’s article hit home because, I confess, I am a big ol’ grudge holder.

Towards a Personal Theory of Change

Last week a thing happened to me that I both wanted and dreaded: I was informed that my current employer wants me to leave my job in the coming months.  I’m just “not going to thrive in this environment.”  Which is fair enough, in fact, because if you’ve been around these parts long enough you know my thoughts had been tending that way too.  In fact, when I announced this news to the Harpies, one of them, quite rightly, replied, “Congratulations?”  They’ve been listening to me whine for months about the rut I’m in, and about how I needed, desperately, for someone to jolt me out of it.  And in some ways this is a lucky turn of events – insofar as such things can be humanely done, my employer seems to be dedicated to making this transition somewhat smooth.  And I have savings, and a considerable number of alternatives open to me, far more than I really deserve.  So no pity, please.

For the first few days I was very, very upset.  Not because I didn’t want to leave my job.  But because the job had become like a security blanket, and it had become an excuse to not live my life in any kind of way.  It offered me somewhere to tunnel down and hide, and I leapt at the chance to opt out of society.  And here it was, last Wednesday, trying to throw me back out into the fray, with no warning.  I was a baby when I started this job – just 26 – and one who hadn’t the faintest idea of herself.  And now I feel like I’m a grown-up, but one without an anchor.  And over the last year, increasingly, one without any meaningful participation in the world.

That’s one of the reasons I’ve barely participated here in over a month, by the by – not that I saw the, well, direction that my employer was considering coming.  Not at all.  But I’ve been miserably unhappy for so long, and it was starting to hit me where it really hurt: writers’ block.  I was fighting with friends over nothing, and indeed fighting with commenters on this website and others over nothing. 

Scary because she’s black?

I just watched this video on That Black Girl Site and wanted to share it with you. In the video, a mother records her daughter retelling a story that happened to her on the school playground; some white girls ran away from her and told her they fear her because she’s black. Marley, the black girl, is incredulous, and explains that the white girls’ parents must have taught them to stay away from black people.

Marley shouldn’t have to wonder about things like that, but obviously she and other children of color do. It’s certainly possible that her classmates’ parents explicitly taught them to fear black people. I think it’s more likely her classmates have already absorbed the many implicitly racist messages all around them: on television, in their school lessons, at family gatherings, etc.

Akilah (the mom) says it’s important (and unavoidable) for parents of color to talk with their kids about racism but I wish white parents were doing the same thing. Do the white girls’ parents know about this incident? Would they brush it off? Tell their kids never to mention – or think about – race again?

Have you ever had to have this conversation with your kids? Did your parents ever discuss race and/or racism with you when you were a child? Did they prepare you for or explain the racism you faced?

Not All Athletes Are Like Tim Tebow

For those who are justifiably pissed at Focus on the Family — better termed “Focus on the Patriarchy, Ignore Women’s Needs,” which I suppose is not very catchy –running an anti-choice Super Bowl ad starring college football star Tim Tebow and his mother, may I direct you to something more positive? A lovely reader pointed me, in another forum, to a New York Times article about NFL linebacker Scott Fujita.

Fujita plays for the New Orleans Saints, who will be facing off against the Indianapolis Colts in the big game on Sunday, and he is the only male athlete I can think of who is a vocal supporter of both a woman’s right to choose and LGBTQ rights. He’s spoken out about those issues, in part because of the flap over Tebow’s ad and a rejected ad for a gay dating service. (So, to recap: CBS approved an ad by an organization that wants to rescind an extant law that gives a woman control over her body, but rejected an ad so that bigots don’t have to think about the fact that two men are — again, legally — allowed to hook up. But bring on the ads of skimpily clad women!) Fujita is not content to just let this go without comment and justifiable criticism.

Thinking in pictures

I am super excited about the upcoming HBO biopic Temple Grandin, based on the life of lecturer, best-selling author, autism advocate and professor of animal science at Colorado State University, Dr. Temple Grandin.

Grandin, who is among the most famous individuals with autism in the world, was diagnosed with autism as a child in 1950. She overcame many personal and educational challenges before becoming an inventor and earning a Ph.D. in animal science. As an adult, she is an advocate for people on the autism spectrum, speaks regularly at autism conferences and offers advice to parents with autistic children. Grandin has also devoted much of her career to improving the treatment of livestock animals.

At age 18 she invented a device called a Hug Machine – a deep pressure device designed to calm hypersensitive persons. It is typically used to treat individuals with autism spectrum disorders. She came up with the idea after noting the way cattle were vaccinated while confined in a squeeze chute on her aunt’s ranch. After pressure was administered to the animals, they calmed down, and Grandin correctly predicted that such a device might settle her own hypersensitivity.

Possibly the Creepiest Fucking Thing Ever

Because nothing else of import is going on in the world, yesterday CNN broke the story of the latest in expensive, hi-tech fuck dolls. Yes. A story about fuck dolls on CNN. Specifically Roxxxy, a $7,000, 5′7″, 120-lb, alarmingly lifelike talking sex robot.

Prepare to be deeply skeeved by the details:

Commenter Ocean_Breeze On Being A Woman In The Military

This guest post comes courtesy of Ocean_Breeze, a Senior Airman in the US Air Force.

I thought this post would be a good perspective for those who have never been in–nor wished to be in–the military. I wanted to talk about what life’s like for your fellow sisters in the services–the more everyone knows the less ignorant we are as a populace. I would like to thank the Harpies for this opportunity to share my experiences.

The first American woman soldier was Deborah Sampson of Massachusetts. She enlisted as a Continental Army soldier under the name of “Robert Shurtliff”. She served for three years in the Revolutionary War and was wounded twice; she even cut a musket ball out of her own thigh so no doctor would find out she was a woman. Her secret was eventually discovered, but George Washington still gave her an honorable discharge. She later lectured on her experiences and became a champion of women’s rights. I find this worth sharing and a bit ironic. For over 4,000 years, it’s been said that women are not fit to serve in the military because of their difference in physical strength and mental toughness–and this woman cut a musket ball out of her leg, for fuck’s sake.

Feminism in the Classroom

I love teaching.  To an absurd degree.  I’d do it for free, even (which is good, because my pay is for shit).  This semester I have a couple of really fun classes, and thus far the kids seem engaged in the material and the discussions.

And based on their vocalized contributions to class, the male students are considerably more engaged than the females.

Since before I was a teacher, I’d heard that teachers–both men and women–are apt to call on male students more often.  Though I vowed not to favor my guys, I must admit that I have been falling into that pattern somewhat.  It may be somewhat due to all that good, ingrained bias I’ve picked up in my many years on the planet, but it’s largely due to the fact that my male students are far more likely to offer to speak in class.

It’s not that the young women in my classes never speak up; there are always a few who remind me of grind-y, overeager undergraduate self, but given the fact that, like the general college population in the U.S., women make up more than 50% of the student body, this imbalance is particularly bothersome.  One of my classes is fairly evenly split (although there are more women) and the other is 2/3 women.