The following exchange took place only moments ago in Harpy inboxes.
SarahMC: Anyone want to tear Bonnie Fuller a new one?
BeckySharper: My eyes just rolled so hard they are practically stuck to the roof of my skull.
PhDork: A candidate for a new “You Have Got to Be Fucking Kidding Me” tag.
SarahMC: Well she has nothing better to do now that dear hubby is president. She might as well have a baby – and cross your fingers for a boy because there’s too much estrogen in the white house right now lol amirite?!
sarah.of.a.lesser.god: OMG A BEHBEH WILL TOTES FIX TEH ECONOMY AND STABILIZE AFGHANISTAN!
PilgrimSoul: I personally can think of no industry more deserving of an economic boost than the uterus-police at celebrity weeklies, Bonnie Fuller. Too right.
sarah.of.a.lesser.god: SarahMC, Time has already bemoaned the unfortunate influx of estrogen. Hysterical headline: “White House Family Values: Where Are the Boys?”
BeckySharper: The only thing worse than that headline is actually reading the article. Jesus H. Christ in shorts.
PhDork: According to this Bonnie Fuller person (I don’t read a lot of HuffPo and don’t know who or what she is):
- American women are mindless consumer zombies who march in lockstep with celebrity bullshit;
- Michelle Obama as national brood-mare (literally! She compares a new baby to FUCKING SEABISCUIT!);
- Mr. Obama: important ’cause of that stimulus thingy;
- Mrs. Obama: important ’cause of all that fashion! And her looks! And OMG did she seem ”a little thick” at the Inauguration?
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that is where my mouth falls open in disbelief and my brain explodes.
sarah.of.a.lesser.god: You know that Fuller and her ilk are hoping that the President will be giving his wife the stimulus package of sacred sperm and life.
PilgrimSoul: Whatever, Becky, if you believed in Jesus you would know that he is all about procreation for the motherland. God Bless American Women’s Uteri!
SarahMC: Women in the spotlight should have babies in order to entertain and preoccupy the masses in tough economic times. Forget the fact that she and Barack would actually have to raise said baby for the next 18+ years, even after the voyeuristic, celeb-obsessed idiots move on to the next “bump watch.”
sarah.of.a.lesser.god: Shit, just put ME in the spotlight and leave Michelle Obama’s uterus alone. I’ll make my baby dance for nickels.
There are no words to describe this monstrosity.
I mean, there are a few. The fact that she is talking about a baby (A PROBABLY NONEXISTANT BABY) entirely as an object for public consumption and a way to help the media industry (because they’re hurting so desperately), and not even once as a prospective human being and addition to a family, is pretty gross.
And the comparison of the baby (THE PROBABLY NONEXISTANT BABY) to Seabiscuit (WHO IS A HORSE) has me a little nauseous. Or maybe I’m just pregnant!
Nickels you say? I know a Dutch set of twin boys who’ll do it for free.
Khrushchev, I wish I could say I did NOT have a relative who was doing the exact same thing on Inauguration day, but if I did I would be a liar. Apparently the Obama’s need to have a well-timed pregnancy at the end of his first term to ensure re-election and it needs to be a boy so he can continue the family name and run for President one day.
This from the mouth of a woman who had just finished saying the next Democratic President would probably be a woman. I guess that glass ceiling is going to re-seal itself before Sasha and Malia are old enough to run.
I couldn’t be on the bus back home fast enough.
Lord.
I hate to give her credit, but I think it’s pretty obviously meant to be a joke, so let’s all unclench for a moment. This isn’t the first time someone has attempted a joke beyond their meager skill set.
@Macloserboy: If it is a joke, it is either the most brilliantly or the most pitifully rendered one I’ve ever seen. And I think the basic point of this post still stands: even if it a joke, there are plenty of commenters who seem to agree with it, which means that for many, the most significant thing a woman can do is pop out a rugrat.
It reads like a heavy dose of sarcasm to me – I don’t know if it’s possible to cite Star magazine and not be making fun of it.
Plus…c’mon. No Obamaboy could ever be cuter than those two young ladies…estrogen FTW!
Mac, Bonnie Fuller writes this kind of crap all the time. What makes you think she’s joking?
@MacLoserboy: Bonnie Fuller is incapable of irony. She writes shit like that all the time. I usually avoid her commentary because it makes me stabby.
@Mac: Maybe she’s joking, but there are people saying this in all seriousness and while it’s not a sign of the apocalypse, it’s pretty obnoxious.
this is probably the worst thing i’ve ever read.
I’m already guessing if that’s why Michelle looked a little thick in her chartreuse Isabel Toledo inaugural day outfit. Before, the rumors, I chalked it up to a possible bullet-proof vest, layered under her dress. Now, however, I’m wondering if that’s also why the new First Lady chose such a big-skirted ball gown. In re-examining photos of the night, I’ve been eyeballing her dress from different angles to see if I perceive any telltale bulge.
Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure this is not a joke.
@Macloserboy: I really don’t think she’s that self-aware. Even if this is some brilliantly masterminded joke, I still don’t think it’s funny or tongue-in-cheek to refer to say Michelle Obama “looked a little thick in her chartreuse Isabel Toledo inaugural day”.
She’s not joking. Her bio reads (in part): “Generally credited with inventing the ‘celebrity lens’ school of journalism…” This sort of exploitative, lowest-common-denominator speculation is her bread-and-butter. Contemptible, all the way around.
I cannot accept that someone in the world could be this fucking stupid. It HAS to be a joke.
Remember when she was at the helm of US Marie Claire? She’s fallen far.
I’ll bet that after their second child, Michelle made Barack get a vasectomy (or had her tubes tied). They seem perfectly happy with only two children… although, I would be perfectly happy to focus on what they’re doing with their brains rather than their genitals, personally. I know I’m not alone in that.
@mkp: I think she is/was editor of Star magazine.
@Mac: She’s not stupid, she’s just operating in world where the tabloid press/consumer magazines are the be-all and end-all.
Time Magazine: Making Ratinski say Go Fuck Yourself Since she was 16 and clipping articles for her extemporaneous speaking research box.
No way in hell this crazy pants lady was joking with that bit. Like someone else said, I doubt she’s self aware enough to know it SHOULD be a joke. Michelle has said many, many times she is not having any more children and couldn’t be more blessed with the two she’s got. This article made me go wash my eyeballs out with soap.
Unbelievable.
I have no words…
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