I don’t make a habit of venturing off my safe Internet island of feminist and otherwise progressive political blogs. I have good reason for that, for if a site is not explicitly pro-woman, pro-gay, and/or anti-racist, you can guarantee it’s a playground for knuckledraggers and hatemongers.
The story regarding alleged domestic violence perpetrated by Chris Brown against his girlfriend Rihanna has turned the usual online cesspool into a catastrophic flood. I have not read much first-hand, but have heard all I need to hear from friends and acquaintances who’ve seen it. I am not linking to any sites but you can guess where it’s coming from: TMZ, E!, Concrete Loop, Yahoo!, and even Facebook: that virtual bulletin board for your long-lost cousin’s, co-worker’s, and sister’s ex-husband’s bigotry.
Half the people out there are falling all over themselves to defend Brown and denigrate Rihanna as someone who either lied or had it coming. Keep in mind that Rihanna is not reported to have said anything in particular about the issue; people are just expressing uninformed, sexist, knee-jerk reactions to a report about violence against a woman. Many of these people are fans of Brown, so they refuse to believe he could have done anything violent. But if he did, he probably had a good reason. Others aren’t even familiar with the two performers; they just know women are nothing but trouble. Especially island women!
Oh, you know Caribbean women.
Bitch gave him Herpes.
She looks like the type of girl who needs a smack upside the head.
She must have done something to provoke him.
Don’t let Rihanna get you down, Chris! We love you!
The other comments express their sympathy for Rihanna in a *bizarre* manner.
What a shame to hit such a pretty girl.
You know how gangsta wannabes are.
Not surprising when you’re dating a guy like that.
Urban thugs like him don’t know how to treat women.
So there you have it, folks. Victim-blaming is the default setting when it comes to intimate partner violence. In this case there’s some racism thrown into the mix, too. People (of all races) aren’t shy about expressing their contempt for a black woman from Barbados, simply because she’s a black woman from Barbados. If they’re not placing the blame on her, they’re claiming it’s no surprise because he’s black, after all. And black men are nothing but thugs.
A lot of the people rallying around Brown are women. It just makes me sad when women trash other women to “protect” men who’ve done wrong. Then there are the comments that it can’t be true because Brown doesn’t look like a woman-beater. Pray tell, what does a woman-beater look like? Does he wear a sign around his neck proclaiming his penchant for violence?
Now excuse me as I retreat back to my safe space.
This is why all my friends on Facebook are either friends from liberal blogs or Canadians, who are generally more scared about bringing up issues like this to broad audiences.
This definitely makes me want to take something for my blood pressure. “What a shame to hit such a pretty girl” absolutely turns my stomach. It’s like the assumption that only women who look like supermodels and wear short skirts are at risk for rape. If you’re not pretty, it’s not a shame that you’re victimized.
I tend to stay away from the comments section when something like this gets discussed, lest I incur injury trying to reach through my laptop to beat the living shit out of some misogynist asshole. I’ve mostly had to give up reading the Daily News for this reason.
I don’t let the idiocy of comments bother me because a) I know the pathetic place it comes from in people and what they’re really doing is to try to make themselves feel big by denegrating others knowing full well they can’t be punished for it and b) have no problem wading amongst them, snipping balls and taking names because being mean is easy, defending yourself for it is not.
Sadly a couple of those knuckledraggers made it to Jezebel to defend Brown– one would NOT stop insisting that sometimes women deserve to be hit! It was insane! The Jezzies mostly did me proud in shutting that foolishness down, and thank goodness for Hortense and disemvowelling.
I have avoided all Chris Brown/Rihanna press, apart from Jezebel, in case I give myself a stroke.
The worst comment I have ever read was on Youtube calling the Obama Daughters ‘ugly little n* monkeys’. I know it’s my own fault for not just watching the election coverage and instead allowing my eyes to travel down the screen but I was truly shocked.
I’m not rallying around Brown, but all of the speculating is giving me a massive headache. I (we) have no idea what the details are yet, aside from the fact that she WAS assaulted by him, and I just wish everyone would shut up and let them work it out. It is never okay to get violent but I also realize that relationships can be complicated and fucked up and I am very uncomfortable with the discussions around what she “should” and “should not” do.
The whole thing just stinks but I’ve gotten irritated at people over at Jezebel essentially claiming that I am defending Brown because I claim it’s none of my business and they should be able to work it out in private.
[...] University of Manitoba News Blog placed an interesting blog post on I Hate the WorldHere’s a brief overviewYou know how gangsta wannabes are. Not surprising when you’re Bdating/B a guy like that. Urban thugs like him don’t know how to treat women. [...]
The problem is that everything is so “alleged” right now. Some reports state that Chris Brown is just an angry guy, some say that Rhianna was hitting him, and he fought back.
I just wish that everyone would leave the two of them alone until this all gets sorted out. It makes me naseous to think about how much their privacy is being invaded. I’m not the kind of person to defend a celebrity’s right to privacy, but this seems to be such a personal matter, and I’d rather not get caught up in it.
BTW, I don’t mean to defend the sexist/racist/whatever-ist people who are making the kind of horrible comments you outlined. There’s no excuse for that kind of ignorance.
@Penny: Because 1) SHE decided it wasn’t a private issue when she called the cops, 2) a violent crime as been committed and 3) working it out “in private” is exactly what allows abusers to continue because they face no public repercussions for their actions.
Mac, I just responded to you on Jez (I did not realize you had responded to me on this blog), and all in all, I think we’ll have to agree to disagree.
Calling the cops/filing charges has nothing to do with whether it’s a private/public matter in the sense that everyone and their mother seem to know what is “right” for her. It’s a matter of public RECORD, not public scrutiny.
And, sorry, as a person who’s experienced this kind of thing, I can certainly say that working something out privately does not ALLOW anything – that’s just a totally bizarre statement!
Penny, we’re bouncing around, but yes we’ll have to agree to disagree and I don’t agree that a lot of talk means anything any the world. Who cares what people think Rhianna should do? I think Chris Rock should get divorced and stop sublimating his anger at his wife in his stand-up, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care. You shouldn’t let it bother you. Their keystrokes ultimately mean nothing, which actually bring us back to the post, which is comments on posts.
It bothers me a lot that some folks on Jezebel were saying they were both to blame, and that there is a stigma on her at all.
Penny, are you of the opinion that domestic violence should be handled privately, as in: the two parties shouldn’t get law enforcement involved, or the two parties and law enforcement should not get the American public involved?
If it’s the former, then I can’t agree. Like Mac said, domestic violence is a crime and isn’t just a “personal issue” between couples. If it’s the latter, then yeah I agree.