Laugh with me, not at me. Via Edward B. @ Flickr.
“I like to make you laugh, because then you are helpless and in my power.” Eccentric epigrammatist Ashleigh Brilliant’s quote—which I may be paraphrasing, since I read it years ago and can’t seem to track it down—used to strike me as witty and charming. I do like to make people laugh. I used to do a little improv and comedy sports, even. More recently, though, I’m seeing a sinister aspect to the saying. To cause someone to laugh is to control them, for however short a time. Typically this control isn’t malevolent, but it is control.
About a year ago, the loathsome Christopher Hitchens decided to splurt forth his theories on Why Women Aren’t Funny. (Want the link? Too bad. The guy’s a douche and the article is one giant eye-roll of self-justifying WASP wankery.) He attempted to limn the difference between “funny” and “clever” (women can be the latter, thankseversomuch), and noted that those women who are funny are typically “hefty or dykey or Jewish.” That is: not proper women. He goes on to false-flatter women’s magical ability to bear children as the reason for their lack of humor: they are biologically disposed to emotional maturity, which is the antithesis of humor. Women are, in short, too evolved for comedy! This is also known as “Putting You On a Pedestal So They Can Look Up Your Skirt (and also Deny You the Pleasure of a Good Poop Joke).”
I’ve already mentioned Hitch enough to nauseate myself, but his leavings are illustrative. Any time anyone tells you that behavior X, which is perfectly acceptable for dudes, is “beneath” women, they are very likely lying to you to keep you from accessing some kind of power that behavior X brings.
Comedy can be a woman’s best friend (after cats, amirite, ladies? Hee hee hee!), because it is usually about breaking the boundaries of acceptable behavior. Aristotle noted, lo these many years ago, that comedy is about people acting “worse than they are” (tragedy is about acting “better.”) And since women’s social behavior is more strictly policed than men’s, women’s boundary breaking is frequently read as their stepping into men’s territory—acting “better than they are,” which is not only “not funny,” but also mutinous. “Hefty or dykey or Jewish,” in other words.
Sure, Aristotle, an old white dude himself, came up with that stuff eleventy billion years ago, but just as one example, think about how many times you’ve seen a dude drag up for a lark. A man dressed as a woman = huge laffs, right? OMG FAKE BEWBZ! Flip it around, and you’re more likely to invite unease and dismissal: “ewww, is she packing?” or “she doesn’t look like a real man.” Sigh.
It’s an uphill battle. The relative lack of women in comedy—and the relative lack of respect for those who are—is no accident. To be a story teller, a framer of human experience, which is what most comics are, you have to be listened to and granted authority. And since contemporary comedy is often about frankness, and giving voice to the absurdities and hypocrisies of everyday life, the road for women who can illuminate the ridiculous double standards that color so much of female experience is that much rockier. No wonder Hitchens and his ilk want to discredit women as funny. It threatens their power.
You’ve probably heard that apocryphal anecdote about two single-sex focus groups asked what they most feared from the opposite sex. Women, quite chillingly, said “That they’ll kill us.” Men said “That they’ll laugh at us.” There is plenty of patriarchal crap in this world that deserves to be killed off. If we can help do it with laughter, so much the better. It’s legal, it’s cheap, and it’s hella fun. Who’s your favorite funny broad?
Kathy Griffin! Or maybe Margaret Cho. Must I choose?
Also, holy shit I never had heard that anecdote. Yikes.
I like Kathy Griffin and Margaret Cho.
Ha, jinx… I swear I typed that before I saw your response, yvanehtnioj
Wanda Sykes.
I always wanted to ask Hitch how he would characterize most male comedians. They don’t exactly tend to be the most conventionally attractive lot.
It’s old fashioned but I always liked Brett Butler. She wrote for Dolly Parton’s tv show and her standup was always incredibly edgy — anyone who can make me laugh about their own childhood incest has serious skill. I think comedy is the hardest art form there is.
Men don’t have to be attractive, JD!
I don’t know about stand-up comedians (I do love Wanda Sykes), but I adore Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.
I really enjoy making people laugh because there IS an element of control and having people in the palm of your hand for that moment. It’s empowering. No wonder some men deny we possess comedic skill, and deny us a forum for expressing it.
Wanda Sykes makes me CRY with laughter.
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Three words: Queens of Comedy
Although I’m sure Christopher Hitchens–loathesome, fat, snaggletooth alcoholic blowhard that he is–would never have heard of them because, y’know, they’re….urban.
Ditto on the Wanda Sykes, too.
They don’t exactly tend to be the most conventionally attractive lot.
You’re too kind, most of those dudes are fucking mutants! Seinfeld, Kevin James, Martin Lawrence, Bernie Mack (RIP); they all look like they fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. You’re not likely to see a dude who looks like Jon Hamm (aka Don Draper, who I have a huge man-crush on) doing comedy.
Saul Alinsky always used to say the best tool for social action was humour. And the evidence bears him out. I’ve been using Sarah Haskins to radicalize a bunch of women at work. It seems to be working, they now laugh at how silly advertising is all the time and they found her thesis about “period control” absolutely groundbreaking.
I’m with Hill Rat: Wanda Sykes. Ever since she appeared on Jay Leno and put my feelings about the bailout into hilarious words, she’s been one of my favorite people on earth, period.
I did Special Occasion Speaking in high school which, for those of you who were not forensics nerds/padding your college application, is a prepared topical speech that’s funny. I was frequently one of the only girls in the room. Was it because girls weren’t funny? Hell, no. Even at 15 my sense of snark was well-developed, and the couple of other girls who competed were even more hilarious than I was. No, I pretty quickly came to the conclusion that it was because most girls didn’t think they were supposed to be funny. The girls in forensics were concentrated in the “acting” sections and verse and prose reading, a few in impromptu speaking. Special Occasion Speaking? No way. And Original Comedy? God forbid.
If there had been a fifth year of high school, I have a feeling I would have regaled the state of Illinois with something entitled “Women Aren’t Supposed To Be Funny.”
Oh my god, Sarah Haskins! How could I forget her?
[...] vaibhavjoshi19 wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptAny time anyone tells you that behavior X, which is perfectly acceptable for dudes, is “beneath” women, they are very likely lying to you to keep you from accessing some kind of power that X brings. Comedy can be a woman’s best friend … [...]
I was a forensics geek (Duet, HI, whatever), but I dont’ remember a Special Occasion Speaking category or Original Comedy. That would have been amazing!
And I think my favorite funny lady is Betty White. She’s been cracking my shit up for 20 years (and other people’s for another 30).
@ratinski
Did you ever see “Wanda at Large?” It was fucking-A hilarious and (of course) only lasted about a half a season.
PhDork: They put me in DI once and then never repeated it; I can’t act my way out of a paper bag. I did extempore, impromptu, and SOS. SOS and Original Comedy were always the most fun to watch for those of us who didn’t make it to finals (and I almost never made it to finals
)
Before they lost themselves to merely shouting their political viewpoints at a fawning audience, Janene Garafalo and Margaret Cho were at the top of my list. There were a few others during the comedy boom of the late 80′s early 90′s (remember when even MTV had a show just for stand ups?), but they’ve been lost to the mists of time. And Sandra Bernhard was good before she decided to become essentially a performance artist. Ooh, and I’ve just got a burning lust for Laura Kightlinger who would make the audience visibly uncomfortable.
Um, “tragidy is about people acting better then themselves”? WTF!? Because murdering your wife because your backstabbing friends told you she was a hussy is a good way to act? Killing the king, your friends etc, for power is a good way to act? Sucide is a good way to act? Well maybe it was different in Greek times…
Oh yeah and on women being funny, nobody whose ever said that has ever been funny, at least not after they said that.
And Sarah Haskins rocks.
Aristotle was the first person ever to write about The G Spot. Just an odd fact that I remember.
Redhead: Aristotle’s “better” and “worse” refer to the “types” of people one could imitate. “Better people” = royalty, gods, mythological figures, etc. “Worse people” = slaves, commoners, most women, half-animal creatures, etc. Women are just degraded men, anyway…thanks, Cradle of Democracy (for Some Dudes)!
They aren’t my favorites, but they are awesome and no one has named them yet, so I’m tossing out Mo’nique and Lonnie Love.
Rosanne Barr, Sara Gilbert, Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph!
I’ve been thinking more about this…Related to the point about “acceptable” behavior, comedy is also, in many cases, about EXCESS. And while this can be “funny-gross” in men, it is *unacceptable* for women. They are too ugly, too loud, too fat, too vulgar, too mean, too… whatever. Meantime, Rodney Dangerfield, Jim Carrey, Chris Farley, Lennie Bruce, Don Rickles, etc. are knockin’ ‘em dead.
Who’s my favorite funny broad? Um, me. I’m not the funny on the internet, but I feel I can hold my own IRL.
Also Krushchev, she cracks my shit up all the time.
But famous-wise, I’m currently digging on Kristen Schall (sp? Schaal?) from Flight of the Conchords/The Daily Show. Also, I really enjoy watching Jennifer Aniston on earlier episodes of Friends, her comic timing is so good you don’t even notice how good she is.
And I was watching a PBS documentary about comedy, and Lucille Ball is fucking hilarious and groundbreaking in terms of being a female comedian.
I think a lot of the women on some of the better sitcoms are great, like Jane Krakowski on 30 Rock or Angela Kinsey and Mindy Kaling on the Office.
Another two votes for Wanda Sykes and Kathy Griffin. I like Chelsea Handler’s show, too. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes my jaw just drops. She should have Letterman’s job.
roseanne barr is the shit. I’m sorry she’s so fucking awesome. a little crazy? yes. but she’s just so balls out in your face awesome and FUNNY. One time she was on bill mahers old show, on comedy central? after it’d moved to abc? but anyway bill maher was rambling on about the double standard and political correctness and if a male comedian tried to call out women he’d be burned at the stake and she was just like, Oh bullshit they’d be selling out 50,000 seat arenas just like SAM KINISON and ANDREW DICE CLAY. bill maher had no response. it was the best.
I try to boycott publications that publish Christopher Hitchens, like I need another reason to not read Slate and Vanity Fair. What a vile little man.
Yes, Roseanne Barr rocks my world. I didn’t know she left Bill Maher speechless; that’s amazing. He and Hitchens make me embarrassed to be agnostic.
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I belong to Roseanne’s listserve. She’s into goddess worship and leftist politics. I luff her!
this is a really great and thoughtful piece, PhDork. I need to stop by here more often.
oh, and comedian-wise, I am a big fan of Ellen DeGeneres. comedy actor-wise, Madeline Kahn. in both categories, Tina Fey!
Thanks, Flava. I sorta wanted to add a comment with a giant list of my favorites, and Madeline Kahn was near the top. And then I could go on and talk about how physical beauty is related to which women get comedy-authority, but I’m writing a blog post here, not a conference paper or a book chapter.
By ‘Jewish’ I guess he’s trying to say he find Sara Silverman hilarious and is trying to cover his ass.
‘Course, I guess that means I have a shot at jocularity too.
The funniest person I can think of is Heather Armstrong (http://www.dooce.com). She’s a blogger, not standup, but you didn’t specify
And she never, ever fails to crack me up. Even when discussing her difficulties peeing while pregnant.
Sarah Haskins also makes me tear up with laughter, and ‘Target Women’ is something I reserve for watching with my mate, who gets similarly afflicted.
Also, the webcomic artist Kate Beaton (http://www.katebeaton.com). Her comics are so full of laughing and win, she must physically exude humor whilst walking down the street.
I actually think, on reflection, that my favorite funny-types are all women. And I’m pretty sure that’s coincidental.
[...] make people laugh is to have power. It’s no coincidence that the women on EW’s list are conventionally [...]