Comments on: How to Fauxpologize in 4 E-Z Steps (guest post by Chris Brown!) http://www.harpyness.com/2009/02/18/how-to-fauxpologize-in-4-e-z-steps-guest-post-by-chris-brown/ As narrated by five of the most charming and vicious women on the internet Thu, 29 Jul 2010 20:50:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Harpy Predicts Future: Chris Brown “Apologizes” - The Pursuit of Harpyness http://www.harpyness.com/2009/02/18/how-to-fauxpologize-in-4-e-z-steps-guest-post-by-chris-brown/comment-page-1/#comment-12089 Harpy Predicts Future: Chris Brown “Apologizes” - The Pursuit of Harpyness Tue, 21 Jul 2009 15:02:40 +0000 http://www.harpyness.com/?p=1476#comment-12089 [...] when this story first broke, Chris did a guest post for us.  You might want to read it again.  You’ll find at least when it comes to fauxpologizing, he’s a man of his [...] [...] when this story first broke, Chris did a guest post for us.  You might want to read it again.  You’ll find at least when it comes to fauxpologizing, he’s a man of his [...]

]]> By: The Best Deal Chris Brown Will Ever Make - The Pursuit of Harpyness http://www.harpyness.com/2009/02/18/how-to-fauxpologize-in-4-e-z-steps-guest-post-by-chris-brown/comment-page-1/#comment-10491 The Best Deal Chris Brown Will Ever Make - The Pursuit of Harpyness Tue, 23 Jun 2009 12:21:20 +0000 http://www.harpyness.com/?p=1476#comment-10491 [...] A text? A TEXT? Jesus, talk about a million days late and a million dollars short. I mean, I realize at that point there was a restraining order in place, so it’s not like he could deliver the apology in person–nor should he even try. But a text? Something like: “SRY I TRD 2 KILL U?” Give me a fucking break. And don’t get me started on his “public apology.” I couldn’t possibly top what PhDork had to say about it. [...] [...] A text? A TEXT? Jesus, talk about a million days late and a million dollars short. I mean, I realize at that point there was a restraining order in place, so it’s not like he could deliver the apology in person–nor should he even try. But a text? Something like: “SRY I TRD 2 KILL U?” Give me a fucking break. And don’t get me started on his “public apology.” I couldn’t possibly top what PhDork had to say about it. [...]

]]> By: » Do You Want to Fight Chris Brown? The Pursuit of Harpyness http://www.harpyness.com/2009/02/18/how-to-fauxpologize-in-4-e-z-steps-guest-post-by-chris-brown/comment-page-1/#comment-1955 » Do You Want to Fight Chris Brown? The Pursuit of Harpyness Sat, 21 Feb 2009 13:01:52 +0000 http://www.harpyness.com/?p=1476#comment-1955 [...] Geisler, president of the martial arts center LA Boxing.  He was apparently as unpersuaded by Brown’s fauxpology as my harpy sister PhDork. The page says: “In light of recent reports regarding Chris [...] [...] Geisler, president of the martial arts center LA Boxing.  He was apparently as unpersuaded by Brown’s fauxpology as my harpy sister PhDork. The page says: “In light of recent reports regarding Chris [...]

]]> By: Michael Richards, guest commenter http://www.harpyness.com/2009/02/18/how-to-fauxpologize-in-4-e-z-steps-guest-post-by-chris-brown/comment-page-1/#comment-1738 Michael Richards, guest commenter Wed, 18 Feb 2009 21:07:05 +0000 http://www.harpyness.com/?p=1476#comment-1738 Hi Chris, it's your old pal Michael Richards. Remember me? No? Thank God for that. Anyway, I just wanted to offer you my support during this difficult time, and I also wanted you to know that there's a different way than following steps 1-4: you can get your famous friends to go on a late night talk show and vouch for you. Here, watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3l-gRHjUNk Chris, I realize that you're a young man, and you might not have as much on-camera charisma and eloquence as I do. But if you can pull it off, it can save your career, just like it has for me. Your pal, Michael PS: You don't need a driver, do you? Or a gardener? Anything? Come on, I can't get any work, for God's sake PLEASE HIRE ME I SAID I WAS SORRY DON'T LET THEM TAKE MY HOUSE OH GOD OH GOD Hi Chris, it’s your old pal Michael Richards. Remember me?

No?

Thank God for that. Anyway, I just wanted to offer you my support during this difficult time, and I also wanted you to know that there’s a different way than following steps 1-4: you can get your famous friends to go on a late night talk show and vouch for you. Here, watch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3l-gRHjUNk

Chris, I realize that you’re a young man, and you might not have as much on-camera charisma and eloquence as I do. But if you can pull it off, it can save your career, just like it has for me.

Your pal, Michael

PS: You don’t need a driver, do you? Or a gardener? Anything? Come on, I can’t get any work, for God’s sake PLEASE HIRE ME I SAID I WAS SORRY DON’T LET THEM TAKE MY HOUSE OH GOD OH GOD

]]> By: robot ninja spy http://www.harpyness.com/2009/02/18/how-to-fauxpologize-in-4-e-z-steps-guest-post-by-chris-brown/comment-page-1/#comment-1715 robot ninja spy Wed, 18 Feb 2009 18:01:59 +0000 http://www.harpyness.com/?p=1476#comment-1715 @yvanehtnioj and PhDork: I was watching something on E! over the weekend and Chris Brown's (former? wife-beating) father had issued a statement, something to the effect of "everyone makes mistakes, let's not rush to judgment, blah blah blah." Ahem. Um...okay. Dear Chris Brown the Old, This means, like, negative nothing coming from you. Yeah, I just had to make up a new, grammatically-incorrect figure of speech for that. Next time, just say "No comment." Kthnxbai. Best, robot ninja spy P.S.- No really. STFU @yvanehtnioj and PhDork: I was watching something on E! over the weekend and Chris Brown’s (former? wife-beating) father had issued a statement, something to the effect of “everyone makes mistakes, let’s not rush to judgment, blah blah blah.”

Ahem. Um…okay.

Dear Chris Brown the Old,

This means, like, negative nothing coming from you. Yeah, I just had to make up a new, grammatically-incorrect figure of speech for that. Next time, just say “No comment.” Kthnxbai.

Best,
robot ninja spy

P.S.- No really. STFU

]]> By: PhDork http://www.harpyness.com/2009/02/18/how-to-fauxpologize-in-4-e-z-steps-guest-post-by-chris-brown/comment-page-1/#comment-1710 PhDork Wed, 18 Feb 2009 16:30:34 +0000 http://www.harpyness.com/?p=1476#comment-1710 Ah, yvanehtnioj, how foolish of Chris to forget the pre-emptive, character-damaging whisper campaign! I'm sure he is very sorry if anyone got her feelings hurt about such an unfortunate omission, and will talk to his pastor about it posthaste. Please keep him in your thoughts. Although really, what can he say? WHAT DO YOU WANT HIM TO SAY??? (Bless you, Khrushchev.) And sarah.of.a demonstrated her mastery of the form--with some stylish fillips and a red herring (red narwhal?), even--right off the bat. Truly, a diligent student. Ah, yvanehtnioj, how foolish of Chris to forget the pre-emptive, character-damaging whisper campaign! I’m sure he is very sorry if anyone got her feelings hurt about such an unfortunate omission, and will talk to his pastor about it posthaste. Please keep him in your thoughts. Although really, what can he say? WHAT DO YOU WANT HIM TO SAY??? (Bless you, Khrushchev.)

And sarah.of.a demonstrated her mastery of the form–with some stylish fillips and a red herring (red narwhal?), even–right off the bat. Truly, a diligent student.

]]> By: jdregent http://www.harpyness.com/2009/02/18/how-to-fauxpologize-in-4-e-z-steps-guest-post-by-chris-brown/comment-page-1/#comment-1707 jdregent Wed, 18 Feb 2009 16:11:38 +0000 http://www.harpyness.com/?p=1476#comment-1707 I was actually shocked his lawyers even let him say as much as he said. I think it indicates a plea bargain is in the making. I was actually shocked his lawyers even let him say as much as he said. I think it indicates a plea bargain is in the making.

]]> By: yvanehtnioj http://www.harpyness.com/2009/02/18/how-to-fauxpologize-in-4-e-z-steps-guest-post-by-chris-brown/comment-page-1/#comment-1706 yvanehtnioj Wed, 18 Feb 2009 16:11:21 +0000 http://www.harpyness.com/?p=1476#comment-1706 You forgot step 0! 0. Say nothing for days while every one in your "camp" (wtf is this, boy scouts? why don't they just say friends / employees?) spreads rumors anonymously to papers and gossip blogs that paint your girlfriend as violent, erratic, slutty, diseased, mouthy ... y'know, *deserving* of a beating. Continue to steps 1-4. You forgot step 0!

0. Say nothing for days while every one in your “camp” (wtf is this, boy scouts? why don’t they just say friends / employees?) spreads rumors anonymously to papers and gossip blogs that paint your girlfriend as violent, erratic, slutty, diseased, mouthy … y’know, *deserving* of a beating.

Continue to steps 1-4.

]]> By: BeckySharper http://www.harpyness.com/2009/02/18/how-to-fauxpologize-in-4-e-z-steps-guest-post-by-chris-brown/comment-page-1/#comment-1702 BeckySharper Wed, 18 Feb 2009 15:07:57 +0000 http://www.harpyness.com/?p=1476#comment-1702 Brava. You're dead on about the use of the passive voice. It's very rare in the English language but it's almost always a sure sign of guilt and disclaiming responsibility. "Mistakes were made" is such bullshit, as though The Mistake Fairy showed up and waved her magic wand. Kobe Bryant tried some shit like that when he had to not-admit that he not-raped that woman a few years back. Brava. You’re dead on about the use of the passive voice. It’s very rare in the English language but it’s almost always a sure sign of guilt and disclaiming responsibility. “Mistakes were made” is such bullshit, as though The Mistake Fairy showed up and waved her magic wand. Kobe Bryant tried some shit like that when he had to not-admit that he not-raped that woman a few years back.

]]> By: KittenFluff http://www.harpyness.com/2009/02/18/how-to-fauxpologize-in-4-e-z-steps-guest-post-by-chris-brown/comment-page-1/#comment-1701 KittenFluff Wed, 18 Feb 2009 14:35:14 +0000 http://www.harpyness.com/?p=1476#comment-1701 This is amazing. This is how you use humor to talk about these things. Well done. This is amazing. This is how you use humor to talk about these things. Well done.

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