Joking about it, saying ‘oh, I’m so drunk, etc…’ isn’t cute to someone who’s had to care for alcoholics. I find that sort of behavior more suspect than anything else. The bragging nature of boozing it up shouldn’t be an anecdote.

Have I had too much wine at dinner? Had shots with friends out? Sure. However, I am not an alcoholic, enjoy drinking and don’t give a flying fuck what people’s drinking preferences are.

Fact is, we all spend far too much time worrying about other people’s behaviors, and judging them. Which isn’t to say we shouldn’t be mindful of someone abusing alcohol, but there’s isn’t a need, on either side, for people to get their panties in a bunch over what they do or don’t do.

I live in France, which has a totally different drinking culture from the US or the UK, and I’m extremely grateful for it.
My parents drink wine at dinner when they feel like it, which is very French of them (neither one is French); my dad was only able to start drinking again a few years ago, since he had hepetitis for twelve years, and his father is an alcoholic, so I’ve always been pretty wary of alcohol in general. And I hate beer, which amazes people, since I’m British, and we’re supposed to love it, which in all honesty has been pretty much evidenced by every other Brit I’ve ever known, save for my mother and my brother.

I don’t think people feel judged by my not drinking, since everyone drinks; i’m more of an anomaly, which is why I tend to have a glass of wine and nurse that, and i’m perfectly happy like that. I definitely feel like the odd one out when everyone’s completely drunk at a big party, but I have just as much fun sober as they do drunk, so it’s no loss for me. It’s just tiring always being the one everyoen knows isn’t going to be drunk at the end of the night, like I’m a control freak or have a problem. I suppose I do, in some way, but I’m happy like that. At least I know my liver is in excellent condition my lungs aren’t, but that’s a whole different story.

As to veg*ns, well i know a few vegetarians, no vegans, and I can’t say I’ve ever felt judged for eating meat, or judged them for not eating it. But this is France, and things are different I guess^^ especially as vegetables are wonderful things

Frankly, I’m not at all embarrassed saying I’m a sober alcoholic and demystifying the whole thing.

Also, about your family member – my husband is a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for eight years. He said the first couple of years were the hardest, and that he went to AA almost on a daily basis. However, he’s gotten to place where he doesn’t need to white-knuckle it to get through the day, and in fact he can watch me drink a glass of wine and as far as I know it has no effect on him. I think the best thing you can do is let your family member know you love and support her, and remind her that it will get easier over time. I’m sure having you as a non-drinking role model will help as well, because one thing my husband told me is that he had to learn how to enjoy life without a drink in his hand, which can be hard in our culture. So having you around may help with that a bit.