Who drives dad home when the gig is up? Via Tigerzeye @ Flickr.
Babysitters mind other people’s children. Parents mind their own children. Men who find themselves in the terrifying position of being alone with their youngsters are being parents, not babysitters. So why do some insist on referring to themselves as such when their wives or girlfriends have the audacity to leave the house?
Yesterday I made a snarky comment on a co-worker’s Facebook status update, which indicated that he’d be “babysitting the girls while M’s at such-and-such.” Reading that was like hearing nails on a chalkboard. Immediately, a friend of his, who I don’t know, commented to “back J up on this,” because he’d just spent the night babysitting his own kids. So, y’know, he’d been through the wringer (yet his logic remained intact, clearly). I told them they had no right to complain when their wives won full custody in their divorces – since they’re only the babysitters. Well the friend didn’t like that! He scolded me for ruining their Facebook fun and invited me to kiss his ass. Dad of the year.
This is what I hear when a man calls himself a “babysitter” to his own kids: “Their mother is the one who should be watching them.”
I assume it’s anxious masculinity that drives men to diminish their own roles as fathers. Maybe they’re unhappy they have childcare responsibilities at all, and “babysitting” prevents them from being further feminized by the role. I also have little tolerance for women who refer to their husbands or baby-daddies as “babysitters.” Shameful. Stop perpetuating the notion that fathers caring for children is a hilarious novelty act.
@BeckySharper – I hear you. I myself will feel most comfortable if a paycheck contains my name, I could not imagine myself just staying at home 24/7, kids or no kids. I will not have it any other way.But you have to salute dads who don’t mind taking care of the kids from time to time.
@Kimberly Harris: Nah, I don’t salute dads who “take care of their kids from time to time.” Parents are SUPPOSED to take care of their kids, all the time. That goes for dads too, not just moms. No one is not special or salute-worthy simply because he does what he’s supposed to do.
Yes, I agree that both parents should take care of their kids. But i think men focus more on providing for the needs of their family. But it doesnt hurt if they spend some time in taking care of their kids. Taking car of the kids is not only a mother’s responsibility, but something that both parents should do.
Katie Smith
My blog: iContact Coupons
Reading this post, I was getting fired up, just itching to respond.
As a proud father of an 11-week-old, parenting is such a blessing, especially when both parents act as a team. Understandably, some parents may not have the opportunity to be as hands-on as they’d like, but when a father does get his hands on his child, it should be a sought-after appreciation, not a chore.
As a father, i enjoy the moments when I would be the one to brush my daughter’s hair or fix her lunch box, dress her up before going to school. I cherish the moments when I get to change my kids’ nappy like an expert or the times when I’m the one cooking for them instead of their mom. This may not happen as often, maybe that’s why I enjoy it but i know that my kids will remember and cherish these moments as well. I work with my wife and I know someday they will understand the value of teamwork and real love by looking at me and my wife.
Maybe new fathers would not be totally comfortable with their kids on their own but mothers should not hesitate to leave them together. Nature will take its course and father’s instinct will kick in in no time.
There is an undeniable connection between a mother and her child, but there is also an undeniable connection between a father and his child. It may not seem as obvious, or even as strong, but it is very real. It may not feel as automatic as it should, but it should be fostered from Day 1.
I am the primary care giver for my two kids.. so I understand how frustrating this can be.. thanks for the article
[...] … and apparently it doesn’t cross your mind at all to wonder if women have been restricted from higher-paying/dangerous/manual jobs, if women who do take up those jobs have faced horrific harassment, if women might be the ones expected to do the bulk of childcaring which kinda precludes nightshift work (and many women have to do it anyway and then get shit for Abandoning Their Motherly Duties), if women are told, bluntly, plainly, constantly, that they aren’t smart enough to do Real Science or if Real Science and getting posted to Afghanistan might also conflict with the fact that a shit-tonne of men, despite, how did you put it, “lov[ing] their kids”, still expect their wives to do the school pickups and grocery shopping and think of spending a weekend together with the kids as “babysitting”? [...]
There is the stereotype that follows fathers that they are just hanging around while the mother is the primary caregiver. When our daughter cries, people typically say “Oh, she wants her mom” even though I am equally capable of soothing her.
I realize not everyone has the perfect relationship, but you’re right — the more a mother refers to her partner as inferior, the worse off all three family members are.