It has come to our attention that many of you, in an attempt to be all sensitive and egalitarian and fully share in the joy of impending parenthood, have started to refer to said joy by using the phrase “we’re pregnant.” Commenter AuntieEm brought this up in a post yesterday and coincidentally, SarahMC and I had been ranting privately about it. So let’s address the issue, shall we?
While we here at Harpyness are all about equality of the sexes, and sharing the responsibilities of parenthood, the sad truth is, biology prevents you from 50-50 equity when it comes to carrying your child. This is a damn shame, as we think it would be splendid if you could take on half of the heartburn, morning sickness, hemorrhoids, stretch marks, swollen ankles, and aching joints of pregnancy (to say nothing of the excruciating labor pains, cracked nipples and work-life balance issues that come afterwards). But you can’t. Biology sucks sometimes. Therefore, as sole possessors of the uteri, we are the only ones who can be pregnant, and we want, nay, deserve, full credit for it!
This is not to say that we’re not super-grateful for your love and support and indulgence and foot-rubs during our pregnancies. We love you too. But we think it’s odd that you are acting like our reproductive systems are suddenly part of your own anatomy. We don’t recall you ever saying “we’re having our period” or “we have to get a pelvic exam.” Just because your zygotes created 50% of the child inside the uterus doesn’t make it your uterus too.
So knock it off with the “we’re pregnant.” You are not. Please replace the offending phrase with something more accurate, for example: “We’re having a baby” or “My wife’s pregnant and we’re delighted” or, if you want to be all 1950s, “We’re expecting.” K? Thx.
The Harpies, on behalf of womanity
PS: Additionally, if your partner underwent the hell of IVF, with its rage- and depression-inducing hormones, frequent injections with huge horse needles and “egg retrieval” procedures so invasive they require general anesthesia, while you merely wanked into a cup, we strongly caution you never to say the offending phrase. She may still have a few leftover needles and may, understandably, feel a bit stabby to hear you take credit. You’ve been warned.