It's a BCP cake! Nom nom nom. Via browntown @ Flickr.
Welcome to Harpy Seminar, a regular feature we plan to have at regular intervals, unless we get too busy to have it at regular intervals, in which case it shall appear whenever we have time and inclination for it. Each Seminar begins with a question, which we discuss amongst ourselves, and we then edit the highlights of our conversation into a post. Please feel free to join in in the comments!
In today’s Harpy Seminar, we’ll be having a frank and open Our Bodies, Ourselves-style roundtable about contraceptives. Overshare-y! Informative! Pull up a chair, won’t you? Today’s question: what’s your pleasure when it comes to birth control?
BeckySharper: My mom took me to her gyno when I was a sophomore in college so I could get a prescription for the Pill. The gyno was the very same woman who’d who delivered me 19 years earlier, so it was kind of hilarious in a circle-of-life way. I’ve been on the pill for almost 15 years now, and it’s been nothing but terrific. For STI protection, I use condoms religiously unless I’m in a monogamous relationship where we have had The Talk. I don’t particularly like them, but I’ve discovered that after all those years of using condoms, I have a quasi-Pavlovian response to the smell of latex.
sarah.of.a.lesser.god: I’ve had sex exactly 5 times. First two times we used a condom. The very first time the condom broke. (Does that mean I have a masochistic vagina?) Thankfully I felt fortunate to get pregnant, but boy was that a wake-up call! After that, of course, condoms were not quite necessary since he had agreed to be tested. Oh! And lubed condoms are perhaps the only kind I will ever use.
BeckySharper: Oh yeah, the more lube the better. I keep a big ol’ industrial size bottle in the drawer with the condoms because latex really can dry you out much more than an unwrapped peen.
Ph.Dork: Hate. Condoms. Have used them when necessary, but haaaate. They rub, they stink, they make me itch.
Fortunately, I’ve been mostly monogamous (a story for another time, my pets) nigh these last 11 years, so I was on the Pill, which I started my Sophomore year, although I went to the PP in my college town because I did not (and do not) have that kind of relationship with my mom. I’ve always known that kids are not for me, and the dude is of the same mind, so after a LOT of discussion, he finally got a vasectomy, and we are now hormone and condom free, and everybody’s happy.
PilgrimSoul: If I take any kind of pill, my blood pressure goes immediately through the roof. So no pills, never again.
SarahMC: I’ve been on the Pill since I started having sex. I’ve used condoms a few times, but only when I’d missed a Pill or been on antibiotics or something. I much prefer NOT using condoms, and since I’ve been with the same person a long time and we’re monogamous, the Pill is the only method I (we) use.
I feel pretty good on the Pill. I suspect it MAY result in a lower sex drive for me but it’s hard to tell because I’ve been on it since I started having sex. My periods are easy breezy; they are short and I don’t get PMS. In fact, the one time I stopped taking the Pill (when I studied abroad) my period was so hideous I went right back on it.
BeckySharper: I know some women react badly to the Pill’s hormones but that was never an issue for me at all; I lucked into less PMS and cramping with the Pill, and I definitely have a lighter flow, which is always welcome.
PhDork: The only thing I miss about the pill was the clockwork periods: 4th Thursday at 3 pm. Now it’s back to educated guessing: some time this week…
sarah.of.a.lesser.god: Now I am considering the pill. My periods have always been like clockwork and I don’t think I’ll be fornicating again anytime soon but I would rather not get pregnant again for a long while.
BeckySharper: I really think Margaret Sanger is looking down on us, raising a fist in triumph. Birth control FTW!
So ladies, what’s your contraceptive preference? Are you Trojan women? Pill-poppers? Join our circle of candor in the comments…
I was on the pill for about a year and sex became the most unappealing activity in the universe–I don’t know if this was because of the hormones, or because I was extremely unhappy in a relationship with someone I didn’t enjoy having sex with. But I also have the craziest period in the universe, which shows up for however long it chooses at any given time, often skipping months and plunging me into probably unnecessary pregnancy scares. I also don’t have health insurance. If anyone has any words of comfort or wisdom, I will take them and cherish them.
Also, I would eat that birth control cake so fast, you have no idea.
@Kruschev: [cuts a big ol' slice of cake for you]
Our beautiful, beautiful president just signed a bill that will seriously cut the cost of pills at clinics like Planned Parenthood. When I’ve been uninsured, I think I paid something like $30 a month, which was fucking ridiculous (it’s $5 with insurance). You might check with your local PP and see what they can do to help if you want to get back on the pill.
Totally playing armchair shrink, I think it sounds like the relationship, not the pill, that was the problem.
I’d just like to say, as a Canadian, my greatest nightmare is not having health insurance. I don’t know how you people get through the day without being assured of care. If I lost my insurance, I would go home. I’m probably going home anyway in the next year to try to write full time, a major reason being? Free health care.
And now I want cake.
I take the pill and have intermittently since I was 17. But I am way too ADD about it. I skip pills, take them at different times, and always let my Rx run out. Despite me being unable to keep a schedule I have not been pregnant in my life. Which makes me think I might be infertile. Which would make all these years of pregnancy freakouts a total waste of emotional energy. Now that I am married and vaguely want children in the next 2,3,5 years I find myself getting even sloppier about it. Probably because I’m not a big planner and (at this point in my life) sort of like the idea of an accidental pregnancy. Fates intervening and all that. Will the feminist gods smite me? Probably.
@Becky: I’ve been planning to take a stroll over to the old PPar (this is a nickname for Planned Parenthood I just made up). I think it was the relationship, too; also, condoms are expensive and frustrating.
@PSoul: Honestly, I don’t know why not having coverage scares me as little as it does. It should really scare me, right? Especially considering that I nearly got hit by a bus this morning. If it helps, all of my loved ones are terrified for me, though none of them have offered to help me pay for it.
My last time at the lady doctor she accidentally refilled an old brand of prescription BC, and I figured it didn’t matter enough to change it. BOY does it matter. I gain weight and get depressed on Aviane in a way I don’t on Lutera.
I’m also a fan of condoms, Becky…something about the latex + sex pheromones…I’ve been with two guys who both wanted to stop using them mid-sex act, which is pretty much the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. My favorite thing about them is the way they clean up the mess that boys inevitably leave behind.
Yeah the no coverage thing is terrifying. My sister doesn’t have any and every little thing is a potential disaster… a UTI might be a kidney infection, which would require an ER visit, which she can’t afford. I’ve dropped thousands of dollars this year on dentist bills. And with a family member extremely extremely ill and in need of regular hospital visits and insanely expensive treatments, I thank my lucky stars every single day that he has been buying insurance for the last few years. Can you imagine not just having a terminal illness but going bankrupt at the same time? I actually cannot let myself imagine it or will become overwhelmed. Luckily if things ever get really hard for me I can quickly qualify for EU residency and get it for free.
Khrush, when you get to PP, let them know your experience w/ BCP the last time relative to your libido. Part of the reason I went off when I did was because the Pill was largely working by making me totally “feh” about gettin’ it on. Effective at preventing pregnancy, yes, but not in the way you’d want. All that to say that different hormone cocktails work differently in different women, so even if it was the pill last time, there are variations that might work better for you.
@Khrushchev: See, I am afraid of the pill to be honest. Part of me wants it, but part of me is afraid of my usual clockwork cycle being disrupted when it returns postpartum. I know a lot of people say it makes your cycle more regular but I have never had that problem and I fear (irrationally?) that it would have the opposite effect.
also, what happens if you have employer-based insurance and you have to leave your job because of illness? When Cobra runs out, what happens? It seems like a horrible catch 22 for the very ill.
The hormones in the Pill messed me up. I was depressed for about a year and a half without even realizing what the problem was or what had caused it (I had just started university and there were a lot of life changes taking place at the time as well). Other side effects were less severe but still bad. Guess I’m one of those women who just reacts really badly to BCP. I’ve been off it for about half a year now and I’m still adjusting. Sex hasn’t been an issue yet but it might be soon and I’m trying to decide what the best option is.
Honestly, JD, it’s a national thing. I can’t even process it. I have no idea why it’s not the subject of a bloody revolution at this point.
I started with condoms, but as I was monogamous and quickly grew tired of the monthly “where the hell’s my period?” freakout (I could swear that starting to have teh sex made my cycle longer, and on top of that, my periods became extra painful), I switched into hormones. I tried the patch but ended up hating it (hello, itchy skin and two-week periods!). Then I tried Nuva Ring and I’m still on it. Not so sure if it’s such a good thing, though. Let me elaborate: it makes me borderline insane for one week per month, I’m convinced it has stolen my orgasms and also made my stomach so big that I look like I’m about to pop out a baby (which I’m not). Apparently it’s a rare side effect, which is always fun. So currently I really wish I could get rid of it, but since the alternatives aren’t too tempting either, I guess I’m stuck with it until Mr. Southpaw gets his tubes snipped.
@mkp-nyc: Yeah, condoms are WAY less clean-up. No dribbling down your leg, no wet spot! I remember one former boyfriend saying ruefully “oh, this is always the most *romantic* part” as he tried to pull off and tie up a used one. It made me LOL.
@P.Soul: Yeah, if I lost my job tomorrow I’d be way more concerned about my insurance than my salary. I’m used to the uncertainty of it, having been raised here, but I totally get why someone rasied in a country with a civilized national health plan would be like “WTF, America?”
Me.neither PS. Me neither. It’s just shocking what we will put up with. “But what about all those Canadian health tourists to America??”
@P.Soul: Having left my job, I am going to need to rely on college health insurance. I am more than a little nervous about this prospect. I had to be on Cobra for the two years I was on disability and it was a fucking nightmare. Hence why I relied on condoms — I never was really financially able to finagle the pill on my Cobra plan.
What I enjoy – and sorry to have derailed your thread, Becky – but what I enjoy is having Americans who cannot tell the difference between Toronto and Vancouver explain to me how my country’s health system works.
Sarah. . . Well, the BC might change the rhythm of your cycle, but it would still be like clockwork… I’d talk to your doctor about it to see if there are any noted side effects like the one you’re worried about. Me, I get crippling cramps, migraines, etc when I’m not on the pill and it’s all much more bearable when I’m taking it.
That said I think I’m about to go off of it so that next time I meet someone worth sleeping with I’ll have a compelling reason to hold off until I know them well enough to be sure they’re not crazycakes.
I was on the pill for 17 years before I finally just got fixed, and had an endometrial ablation. Best Christmas presents I ever gave myself. Save money on pills, and bleed WAAAYYYY less.
@Ph.Dork: You’re probably allergic to latex, and it will only get worse with repeated exposure. Durex has a silicone condom. It’s a little thicker than latex, but not hugely so. The jury’s still out on disease prevention, but I hear there’s a nitrile condom either just out or coming out. It’s good to know even in a committed relationship when you’re on the pill, because some antibiotics mess up the pill. To be safe we always used condoms when I had to go on antibiotics.
@P.Soul: True story, the idea of me going without insurance for a mere three months (after I’d been kicked off the Dependent coverage and before my work insurance kicked in) freaked my parents out so much that they bought me a temporary policy.
I keep thinking about going on the pill for period reasons, because I have the longest fucking period in the world (8-9 days. Yes, as fun as it sounds) and it’s usually accompanied by awesomely bad cramps for the first 2-3 days. My last gyno took the idiotic Let’s Wait And See approach though. I’m not entirely sure what we’re waiting for and what she’s planning to see, but since I moved I get to find another anyway.
Toronto has the Frenchies, right? Okay, back on topic…
Southpaw, I have a friend who used Nuvaring for a time, but developed a huge blood clot in her brain and had to be hospitalized. It’s been several years now, but she’s part of a class-action suit against those folks. Scary stuff.
@P.Soul: Toronto’s the cold one and Vancouver’s the rainy one, right?
@GeekGirls: I have also used–well, the dude used–polyurethane condoms, which are very thin and supposedly conduct heat better (i.e. more pleasure for him, b/c that’s what it’s all about, y’know!). They have a slightly odd texture–kind of crinkly like cellophane compared to latex, but they work just fine and it’s not a huge difference between them and the latex, IMO.
@Southpaw: Girlfriend, get your man to a urologist! If you know you’re staying with him and don’t want children, you shouldn’t have to suffer with all those hormonal side-effects. Vasectomy would take care of both issues. My sister is going through this right now with her husband and he’s being a total baby about getting the snip, despite the fact that she’s spent years doing all the work of contraception and she should not be on the pill for medical reasons. I’m so pissed at him–I think he’s being really selfish.
@PhDork: o_0 Oh, crap. Now I can add “scared shitless” to the list of complaints. Maybe condoms aren’t so bad after all…
SOALG–I am on university health insurance. There are usually multiple plans, so check them out carefully and pick the one that best suits you. The great thing about college health insurance though is that it always helps cover BC because they do not want college kids to get pregnant.
I went on BC a few years ago because my cramps were so bad that I was vomiting from pain. Tricyclics did NOT work for me and I’d get my period at wonky times despite previous regularity, so I am on the patch. Now, I have a pap in a few weeks and the doctor has already called and was like, “The patch is risky!” but I fear that nothing else is strong enough to seem like it’s working. (I was also always the girl in the dorm whose cycle stayed regular while everyone else’s adjusted to hers.)
I might consider the nuvaring. I’ll still use condoms as well though because all the women in my family are insanely fertile and I need the peace of mind.
@P.Soul: I know this one! The Blue Jays play in Saskatoon and the Expos used to play in Newfoundland What do I win?!?!
@BeckySharper: We’ve talked about it and much to my surprise, my dude wants to wait until he’s 30 (which is only a couple of years away), so that he’s completely sure he doesn’t want to have kids. The surprising part is that he sort of, uh… hates kids
. But I think he’s hesitant for the right reasons, so I won’t complain. We’ll discuss it again soon enough.
@PhDork: I came off the pill about 6 months ago and thought I was going to miss the clockwork timing, but I read this great book about how to read your fertility signs (yes, cheesy I know, but it works!) and that pretty much took the guesswork out of it. I would totally recommend it – Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. It’s one of those, don’t you wish you had this when you first got your period kinda books.
Seconding the vasectomy rec of Becky’s. Dude had it, and 95% of the “pain” was the anxiety leading up to the procedure (will it hurt? how much? oh my god my junk!, etc). He got some good drugs, took a total of 2 pills, and really only complained about itchy pubes growing back. Oh my god I’m oversharing about someone else…
@ Cat–ha, if I brought home that book now, the Dude would fuh-reeek. out. No, he wouldn’t, but it would be funny. I assume it’s not just about getting PG, right? ‘Cause I’d like to “take charge” of infertility. Thanks for the rec, I’ll look into it.
I like Toni Weschler too. I wouldn’t use fertility awareness as birth control because you have to not have sex during the very week you want it most, but I like the idea of knowing exactly what your body is going through, when you are ovulating, when you will bleed, etc.
@PhDork: Hmmm, you might have to sneak it in so he doesn’t feel he went through all that for nothing! But yes, the book covers both pregnancy achievement and avoidance. The most useful part really is about tracking so you know where you are in your cycle and can predict when your period will be (including if it’s delayed b/c of factors like stress etc).
@jdregent. Agreed!!
Nobody has an IUD? I just got Mirena, because I developed a blood clot in my leg after taking the Pill for years. My cholesterol had been a little elevated before that, but not at emergency levels, until it was an emergency. After that, they put me on a progestin-only pill, which I didn’t love either, but I hate using condoms (except for the ease of cleanup) and other options like NuvaRing were out of the question because of my horrible reaction to the Pill. The IUD was expensive, but it lasts five years, and if you can afford it up front then it saves you money in the long run. The locally distributed hormones don’t affect my cholesterol at all, and my period is short and light. I do get worse cramping than I did on pills, but it still isn’t very bad at all. Two ibuprofen and I’m fine.
And when I say “just got,” I suppose I should clarify. It’s been just under a year now.
I’m on Nuvaring, and I’ve been loving it. So much easier, so much less to think about. Plus, with the exception of last month (little too much stress on a cross-country trip for a family issue, with the replacement rings here in NY…), I haven’t had a period for over a year. Yay!
Oh god, now I’m afraid of getting a blood clot. How do you know you have a blood clot anyway?
I started the pill at 17 , then I used THE SPONGE!! Does anyone here remember THE SPONGE?? Then the pill. Then pull out method with my husband. Yeah, I know. But no pregnancies for years and years. I thought I knew my cycle. And then–TWINS!! Ladies, when you are so hot and bothered and don’t want to think about some inconvenient bothersome birth control, think this word: TWINS!!
I’m on the pill now. Libido is fine and dandy. But I’m 41, divorced, and hanging out with a 31-year-old guy. I highly recommend it…
@kithkin: My best friend has an IUD and is a big fan. I’m leery, b/c I remember my mom being rushed to the hospital after her IUD perforated her uterus when I was a kid. Then again, that was circa 1980 and they’ve come a long way since then. If I couldn’t take my beloved Ortho-Novum, I might consider one, although still…something implanted in there, irritating my uterus for years at a time makes me a little squicky.
I hated the pill and it hated me, but I have a Mirena IUD now and I adore it. I got it while I was still breastfeeding six times a days, and between the breastfeeding and the mirena hormones, I haven’t had a real period (more than a day of spotting) in two years (three, counting pregnancy). Insertion was more painful than I expected, but after that it required no attention, concern, or notice at any time.
I’m about to have it removed so we can start trying to conceive again, and I’m a little scared of what my periods will be like after all this time. But if you’re in a monogamous relationship, I don’t think you can beat something that only needs effort every five years.
@SarahMC: I’ve never been an athlete, but I walk a lot. I’m also a student with an enormous backpack; I carry between 15-20 pounds a day, about 4 miles a day. I noticed my clot the day after I had walked up some very steep stairs very quickly with this very heavy pack on my back, and I figured I had pulled a muscle. Not being an athlete, I had no idea what a pulled muscle felt like. All I knew was there was a crippling pain in my leg and I could barely stand or walk. I realized what it was after a shower one evening. Getting out of the hot water naked and seeing myself in a full length mirror revealed an enormous purple spot on the back of my leg exactly where the pain was. I still don’t know what a pulled muscle feels like, but if I think I have one in the future I definitely plan on a shower to see if the hot water pulls anything like that into relief. When I got to the ER, the doctor agreed that it was most likely a blood clot and sent me for an ultrasound to make sure.
Thanks Kithkin; that’s scary! So they don’t kill you immediately or anything. I’m scared I’ll get one in my brain though.
@BeckySharper: My mom cautioned me against it too, and she’s probably about the same age as your mom. When it comes to the technology, I think things have indeed changed a lot. I check once a week to make sure it’s still where it’s supposed to be by reaching in and feeling for the strings. If I can’t feel the strings, I have to go directly to the doctor, but that hasn’t happened yet (knock on wood). It is pretty squicky to think about something being in there for years at a time. I don’t plan on having kids probably for 8-10 years, not 5, but that’s the reason I didn’t get Paragard. It has copper in it, which made me uneasy, and it lasts for twelve years. That seemed to me to be too much. After my awful experience with oral contraceptives, though, I really couldn’t be happier.
actually sarah you should look out because you smoke, smoking and bc makes it more likely for you to clot. not to freak you out, just to let you know. if you know you don’t want to get pregnant for a while, why not think of an IUD?
@SarahMC: Yeah, that your friend got one in her brain is seriously terrifying. Did it start there or did it move, or do they know? The thing about a leg clot is that it can go directly to your lungs if it breaks free, and then it’ll more than likely kill you. The best thing you can do is probably to get your cholesterol checked regularly and if it’s high, change. I wish I had just switched to Lo as soon as the doctor pointed out my elevated cholesterol.
Er, PhD’s friend’s brain.
That’s why I’m paranoid, JD. Thanks for blowing my cover, btw! Heh, j/k. I know smoking whilst on the Pill is bad bad bad.
@SarahMC: I met with an urgent care doctor after my ultrasound, and I swear I almost gave him a heart attack when I pulled out my wallet, which is a cigarette case filled with my IDs and cards. If you plan to keep smoking, you might at least want to check into getting a different pill–the one they put me on after the clot and before the mirena didn’t have the cardiovascular side effects. It was a little less effective, but like 97% as opposed to 99%, so nothing to panic over.
SMC, I didn’t know you smoked! *clutches pearls*
And my friend’s brain thing was discovered because she was having horrible, crippling headaches that pain relievers didn’t seem to help. Eventually they CAT scanned her head and voila.
@kithkin, Avogadro: Thirding the Mirena love! Yes, it’s expensive (although my mom paid for mine as a birthday present. Thanks Mom, best present ever!), but it’s worth it. You don’t have to remember to do anything other than check your strings every once in a while, and as I mentioned on yesterday’s period thread, it’s the most effective form of birth control in existence. Better than condoms, pills, tubal ligations or vasectomies. And it’s easily reversible, which is good for me, since I’d like to have kids someday.
Also, it’s made my period pretty much nonexistent. I was on Seasonale/Seasonique for 5(ish?) years before getting the Mirena, and was taking regular BC back-to-back (without the placebo week) for years before that, so my body was already used to having no or very infrequent periods.