Nine kids means a lot of cakes. Via angegreene @ Flickr.
Since we’re talking about family planning in the other thread, this story about football player Travis Henry seems timely.
I know diddly-squat about football–talk to Becky Sharper about that–but here’s a dude who, whatever abilities he has on the gridiron, does not have it together when he’s walking around in the real world. In addition to having drug trafficking charges brought against him, he’s now being prosecuted for failing to pay child support for his nine kids, scattered all over the country.
I’m not going to shake my finger at Henry for sleeping around, or having children out of wedlock. That’s called slut shaming, even if it’s directed at a dude. But seriously, chief: wrap that thing up. Nine kids, only one of whom was planned? Would you perhaps have learned after the second, maybe third unplanned pregnancy to always wear a fucking condom?
He’s playing the victim here by saying that he mistakenly trusted his girlfriends to be responsible for birth control (’cause that’s always and only women’s work) and that “they were out for blood.” Poor guy. I might have more sympathy if it didn’t look like he was doing his damndest to avoid being financially responsible for the children he’s sired, while living pretty high on the hog–though “not out of line” compared to his fellow pro-athletes: he only spent a quarter of a mill on jewelry! (Oh. Well, okay then…)
Interesting though, that there’s focus on the man as responsible at all–that seems new, and preferable to another article on manipulative women trapping men into marriage or child-support. Where it gets really weird, though, is while the story is about Henry’s particular situation, the Times‘ “Post a Comment” prompt question is about whether the NFL should take more measures to educate their athletes about “the perils of fame.”
Does that even make sense? The perils of fame are cocaine trafficking and begetting children you can’t support? Do other employers feel responsible to educate their workers about following the law and exercising common sense?
Obviously I think Henry is–and should be held–responsible for his actions, but the greater question is: how do we as a culture prevent this unthinking behavior? It’s a big, messy question that I can only begin to tease out, but my guess is that dismantling the patriarchy might go some way towards it…
We sure have had a lot of dessert photos accompanying our posts lately!
Henry, I hate to sound didactic, but next time, use a prophylactic.
@SarahMc: That presumably accounts for why I just went out and bought a cupcake.
Oh yes, having to wear condoms is totally the price of fame! Not at all like what every woman, famous or not, has to deal with when her partner tells her “he’s clean” or “his tubes are tied!” Poor, gullible, trusting, loving famous pro athletes.
On a more serious note, I bet by “perils of fame” they meant “gold-digging, baby-hungry women will be out for your spermz and they’ll do anything to get it!” But, y’know, keep fucking ‘em anyway and don’t bother wasting one thought on pregnancy prevention.
Wait do guys have tubes? You know what I mean.
Also because having and raising a child alone is SUCH an efficient and cost effective way to get rich! Especially when it takes years of litigation (whos paying the lawyer?) to get it! Sweet Mother Mary I hate that prompt question.
“How do we as a culture prevent this unthinking behavior?”
Simple: Forced sterilization of the stupid.
(Kidding, kidding…mostly.)
I’m sorry, but there are SO many current and former professional athletes who don’t do this. Hmm, Derek Jeter, Donovan McNabb, Jeff Gordon, James Blake, Steve Nash, Grant Hill, Sammy Sosa, Cal Ripken, Dennis Rodman, Terrell Owens, Wayne Gretzky…
All have/had more fame and money than Henry. None sprayed their seed like it was fucking KoolWhip.
PhD, do you think the legal regime around child support is insufficient? Seems like that’s pretty much what we’ve come up with to deal with this sort of situation. Obviously becomes problematic when the dad is broke/judgment proof.
@JD: Yeah, if Henry thinks every woman is a Venus Fly-Trap, then maybe he should, y’know, stop playing dip the banana with them.
This dude actually says something like “I never even thought about AIDS.” af;jsdkowaehtsdkjf (headsmash on keyboard) How fucking stupid can you be? This guy probably has be reminded to breathe.
JDR, I’m leery of commenting on child support laws because I know so little about them. But it does seem clear that the patchwork, state-by-state system is not doing children (or their mothers) any favors. Of course, I’m a big-government socialist (BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA), so my ideal solution would be a systemic overhaul that would include free family planning services, day care, health care, etc., and that ain’t never gonna fly here in the ol’ US of A.
I bet this guy believes that pulling out is an effective birth control method. Either that, or he has a magical, condom-piercing wang that just refuses to be covered.
Ha! I just blogged about the very same thing but f-locked it so as not to scandalize my father by saying “I’m on the pill” coming from a near-stranger with whom you’re not in a relationship should ring the same alarm bells as “Baby, you’re my first, so I don’t need to wear a condom.”
Yeah I’m all about big government too, Soviet style state run nurseries and all. But I wonder if the child support system encourages dads to stay involved with the kids’ lives or to retain some custody in order to avoid payment? Places some of the financial burden on men? Or maybe the system should be socialist care PLUS child support?
I don’t have any personal experience with the system and most of my clients are — ahem! — on the other side (ie not paying their child support) so I’d love to hear from someone who’s actually had to deal with it.
wearing condoms is hard! they’re slippery little buggers! I have to remember to put one on. you womenz don’t understand.
The other reaction I had to this was that just because you’re not out of line “for your context” doesn’t mean the entire context out of line. OJ Simpson was out of line even though he only killed two people and other murderers have killed dozens.
Having 8 kids by accident and overspending on yourself so you can’t support them is out of line no matter how you slice it.
I notice nobody’s calling him Nono-Dad.
also, stop making me want cake. you all are just being cruel.
Ah, mkp, that right there, esp. the last line, is what Twisty Faster would call “some nice blamin’.” Brava.
I must say, this story is upsetting on many levels, but one thing that makes me so angry about it is that I know several men (including my dad and my stepdad) who have never, ever tried to get out of child support. And neither of them would buy all that jewelry or all those cars if it would infringe on their ability to support their children. If they can do it, then Henry certainly can.
Nono Dad, for sure.
I love it when JD breaks out the lawyer talk.
Finally! I thought I was gonna have to start talking about obligee dereliction of duty to get you to come out this morning. Um…late afternoon. Shit.
Ooh, ooh, I know the answer to this one! Uh…Travis Henry! And, y’know, the respective moms of said nine kids.
Do I get a football cake now?
Sorry PH, I don’t mean to push your buttons.
If he’d decided on purpose to have 9 kids, I’d have said “Go for it!” What boggles my mind is that they were almost all accidental, which says “irresponsibility” to me in a way that “Choose a large family” does not. If the women wanted the kids, they should have discussed it with him and made plans to be single moms if he didn’t want to be involved.
I also don’t think it’s the NFL’s job to teach him how to wear a condom.
Hold up – PhD, how are the points I’m making different from the points you’re making (except that you seem to consider mine slut-shaming – if it comes across that way, I don’t mean it to. I’m not critiquing the amount of sexual partners or even the time frame in which he conceived children, merely the fact that he didn’t take responsibility for preventing reproduction, which as you said, Would you perhaps have learned after the second, maybe third unplanned pregnancy to always wear a fucking condom?)?
Excuse me for intruding MKP but I think PHD was complimenting you.
Ohhhhhh…. *is sheepish* My sarcasm detector is on overload….
It was a total compliment, MKP. “Nono-Dad” would never happen.
Well thanks!…and sorry for going Defensotron. The patriarchy made me do it.
I’m not going to shake my finger at Henry for sleeping around, or having children out of wedlock. That’s called slut shaming, even if it’s directed at a dude.
i think calling it slut shaming is wrong. i call it plain old fashioned ignorance. male or female, stop being ignorant about birth control. i’m sure the feeling that the guy got from banging those baby mamas without a condom doesn’t really compare to the amount of money he is going to be shelling out for the rest of his life to pay for those kiddos.
Having 8 kids by accident and overspending on yourself so you can’t support them is out of line no matter how you slice it.
nobody has 8 kids by accident unless you’re comatose at the time or abducted by aliens. i think this guy might admit to being slightly comatose, but still…
Everyone here is saying this man was out of line for not wearing a condom and he was, but in this day in age why were these women letting a strange man have unprotected sex with them? Sex and responsibility are a two-way street. These women also need to be called out on their actions.
@PepsiCoke: Except the women are not refusing to pay child support (also, I would imagine that the women don’t have 9 children each, but that’s another story). Maybe they got pregnant by accident, maybe not, and if any of them lied to him and pretended to be on BC, that’s not cool, and if they had unprotected sex thinking they were risking nothing, that was foolish. Possibly they were irresponsible, possibly they were unlucky. But they are the ones now taking care of the children. They are shouldering their responsibilities, and Travis Henry should do the same.
Why is the NYT picking on Travis Henry! That guy is a rank amateur compared to Calvin Murphy, who had 14 children by 9 women (one of which he was married to) AND was accused of sexually abusing five of the kids. [He was cleared of the abuse, of course, since the five kids were just lying bitches who wanted to get his money.]
Or you could have talked about the future champion, Elijah Dukes, who not only had five kids by four women by age 22, he (a) threatened to murder one of the women (and her kids), and (b) impregnated another one of the women when she was the (underage) foster child of his step-grandmother.
I bring these two up because…well, partially because they pissed me off a lot more than Travis Henry, but mostly because, in response to PhDork’s last question, I don’t think “we as a culture” have any obligation to prevent self-destructive behavior; we only have the obligation to punish when it becomes society-destructive. I have sympathy for many, many people on this planet, but “I have fame, money, and health, woe is me” falls far, far below my threshold for sympathy.
Contrarian, I’m not busting out my tiniest violin for Mr. Henry, no ma’am. He’s made his bed, and deserves to lie in it. But those kids? No way. It’s not fair to them, and it’s not fair to the rest of society (women, men, and children) when we make heros out of dudes who run around with a ball but either don’t have the sense to come in out of the rain, or are violent assweasels like your Mr. Dukes.
@PepsiCoke: But the women are owning up to the responsibility by raising the children. Henry has an equal obligation. That’s all that’s being said here. Not that the women don’t have said responsibility, but that it must be divided equally and Henry is not pulling his weight.
@sarah…: Oh yes, I agree. But I’m calling out all of the people (including PhDork) here who are saying Henry was stupid & irresponsible for not wearing a condom and not criticizing the women for the same. The are placing the sole responsibility of birth control on the man. Provided these women were not in a long term serious relationship with him and on other other forms of BC they should’ve took responsibility for their own health and demanded he wear a condom.
@PepsiCoke: It’s not a question of placing the blame on him. If he didn’t want kids, he should have taken precautions. That’s not blame, it’s responsibility. Yes, the women were stupid for not using birth control, but that doesn’t absolve him of his responsibility.
PepsiCoke, I don’t know anything about these women. The article is not about these women. Maybe they did use other methods. Maybe they didn’t. Maybe they were lying to him. IT DOESN’T MATTER. If Henry (or any dude) doesn’t want kids, can’t (or won’t) support them financially, he needs to be responsible for contraception himself, rather than fobbing that job on the women he sleeps with, only then to slag them off for being “out for blood.”