Comments on: Harpy Cinematical Society: I Love You, Man.

By: mkp-hearts-nyc

mkp-hearts-nyc — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 20:48:29 +0000

In defense of bromance: I agree that the concept as advocated by Apatow is tiresome, but the original bromances, like Redford/Newman…they take me to a happy place.

Also, re: dudely behavior…I think a lot of it depends on when the friendship started. I’m a lot goofier with my friends I’ve known since middle school than with the coworkers-who-became-friends, and my most recent ex was a totally different person with the brothers he’d grown up with vs. college friends.

I haven’t seen the movie, probably won’t until it’s airing on a loop on TBS. It’s hard to love all the ingredients but still hate the final product.

By: PhDork

PhDork — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 17:04:04 +0000

JD, that was sorta what I was interested in: gender policing issues, but really, I don’t think it was even as substantial as “my marriage will unman me.” Like in a lot of Apatow/esque flicks, there was this strange, dude-on-dude vulnerability that is both mocked and treasured, but not really seriously inspected or unpacked in any way.

By: jdregent

jdregent — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 16:55:00 +0000

I haven’t seen the film but I was sort of interested by the commercials in the sense that it seemed to be examining the gender expectations for men marrying as so many films do for women. I think there is something interesting, like reverse homosexual panic (heterosexual panic) in the idea that a man marrying a woman feels the need to assert or reassert his homosocial relationships. But I can also see how it could be framed in a misogynist way like oh no! With marriage i’m getting sucked into the ur-vagina and need to define my masculinity before the vagina dentata eats me alive.

By: PhDork

PhDork — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 16:54:58 +0000

Pilgrim, you want me and the Dude to die a slow and painful death? Happily die a slow and painful, but totally rockin' death?

By: sarah.of.a.lesser.god

sarah.of.a.lesser.god — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 16:48:48 +0000

I guess I don’t think of those behaviors as “gendered,” because I’ve always done that stuff with whoever I’m closest to.

Same here. I love watching baseball with other people, so whenever anyone tries to say that watching sports is a dudely ritual, I politely inform them that it’s one of my ultimate bonding ritual and I do not have a penis.

By: Pilgrim Soul

Pilgrim Soul — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 16:45:50 +0000

I know what someone’s getting for her birthday.

By: PhDork

PhDork — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 16:41:52 +0000

The day I let Apatow tell me How It Is is the day they cart me away to the crematorium.

I act like the the biggest dope around my dude, seriously, even you other Harpies would be seriously shocked how out-and-out stupid I can be (I think). “Yer maaaam!”/fart/weiner jokes, nonsense songs, crazy flailing dances, terrible accents, the whole thing. And I love Guitar Hero, but we don’t have a system, because then we would develop carpal tunnel syndrome and rickets.

ETA: I guess I don’t think of those behaviors as “gendered,” because I’ve always done that stuff with whoever I’m closest to.

By: sarah.of.a.lesser.god

sarah.of.a.lesser.god — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 16:00:23 +0000

@PhDork: I think that last line kind of sums it up. We ladies are not there when the menfolk are doing their ritual bonding, so we will have to take the word of Apatow et al that this is the universal dude code.

By: SarahMC

SarahMC — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:57:29 +0000

Is my boyf the only guy who’s not into video games? Maybe it’s why I like him, but my guy is nothing like the guys portrayed in Dude Movies.

By: funnyface

funnyface — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:54:13 +0000

I sort of agree, Kivrin. I mean, my husband’s most meaningful friendships are also based on the kind of thing that I enjoy with my female friends, namely good conversation, but there is an awful lot of “playing” as well. One of his best friends was here for the weekend, and there was bike riding (a la 10 year olds) and Rock Band playing and lots of cracking on each other, even though neither of the two of them is particularly dudely– other parts of the weekend involved playing the piano and singing. His other bff is known to bring out some of the childlikeness in him as well, usually involving drinking and attempts to “spar” which have at least once gotten then kicked out of a wine bar.

I think you’re onto something with the shared activities. Guys DO stuff together, like playing or watching sports, playing video games, etc. I don’t personally do a whole lot of that.