Matt Miltovich over at tvguide.com seemed to get quite excited while writing his piece about a new lesbian subplot on the ABC Family show Greek. The title alone implies his glee — “Greek Star Pledges Big Twists (Including a Lesbian One!)” — but it gets just a smidge creepy with this little bit:
Next, Spencer [Grammer] confirms that one of the ZBZ gals will have a crisis of sexuality, “and Casey might placate that in a fun, playful way.” The storyline, she teases, “will be an audience-pleaser for everyone.” And how.
“And how”? Nice. Thanks for basically telling everyone that you love fantasizing about sorority sisters in a sapphic liplock. He’s not alone, of course. Whereas most straight men don’t really want to see women who look like me doing the horizontal tango with another woman, a good number of them will spontaneously combust at the thought of pretty young things experimenting with one another. It’s scandalous! But it’s just experimentation, so they’ll go back to craving the cock soon enough!
When TV shows do this, it’s feeding into the whole “gay for play” fantasy. Gay for play is not a reference to actual experimentation that seeks to clarify ones sexual orientation; it is instead the kind of stunt that Desperate Housewives used to try to combat sagging ratings this season by orchestrating a kiss between Teri Hatcher and Eva Longoria Parker for no other reason than to grab headlines and titillate whatever male viewers the show might have. And the failed Courteney Cox cable vehicle Dirt attempted to save itself by staging the stiffest “we’re-kissing-but-we’re-not-really-gay” embrace ever between Cox and Jennifer Aniston. It’s a kind of fetishization of a certain type of women who love women, and really only happens when the actresses look like Portia di Rossi and not Ellen DeGeneres. My hope is that Greek is not doing gay for play here, because it actually has a pretty good track record on LGBT characterization.
There is delicious irony in the fact that ABC Family actually began as Pat Robertson’s CBN Network until he sold it to ABC parent corporation Disney. Now the network has several shows that depict the complexity of sexual orientation, including its teen hit Greek, which has not shied away from presenting actual, non-caricatured gay characters and seemingly avoiding gay for play. Nobody is calling it a brilliant show, but critics, including gay newspaper Washington Blade, give it kudos for its handling of the storyline attached to its major gay character:
Gay viewers will no doubt root for Calvin (Paul James), a pledge who’s dealing with coming out. Calvin’s stories are particularly well written, and gay teens will relate to the young man, while older viewers will most likely sigh as they remember when. . . .Most humorous are Calvin’s run-ins with Dale (Clark Duke), an ultra-dorky born again Christian who offers to “cure” the newly out young man. “Greek’s” writers brilliantly poke fun at the absurd tactics often employed by ex-gay ministries, and Calvin, bless him, teaches Dale a thing or two about tolerance.
Given this track record, it would be sorely disappointing if Greek chose to have a twist that has nothing to do with actual sexual identity and everything to do with a soft-focus, lip-glossed quick kiss between starlets.
If TV shows feel compelled to have their actresses experiment with one another, maybe they could at least try to make it meld with the plotline in a logical and unforced way. Though I am loath to point to Sex and the City as an example for other programs to follow, it is appropriate in this case. During the show’s first season, Miranda is mistaken for a lesbian and set up with another woman. Shocked and confused by other people’s assumptions (she can’t believe other people think that her short-hair and “aggressive” personality means she must be gay), she ends the episode by curiously leaning over and kissing the other woman. It’s not done to titillate, perhaps because the show was almost exclusively geared to women viewers, and has an actual whiff of realistic experimentation to it.
And if experimentation is really the road that these writers want to go down, maybe they should stop and just examine why it’s almost always women whose sexualities are presented in this light. When is the last time you can remember a mainstream Hollywood film or TV show that featured a male-on-male kiss just for experimentation purposes? I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry doesn’t count. The mere fact that any actor who makes out with another one on camera is constantly asked about how torturous it must have been (see: Franco, James; Gyllenhaal, Jake; Ledger, Heath) points to how male sexuality is not treated as being as fluid as female sexuality is. Bi-curious is a phrase rarely associated with men in American pop culture, while the popularity of Katy Perry’s song “I Kissed a Girl” highlights the notion that nobody is surprised when a young woman experiments — although she’s never expected to follow through and actually deviate from the heteronormative structure. In other words, women can play at being gay all they want, as long as they don’t actually take it seriously and abandon their destiny as a good hetero wife and mother. So kiss away, you pretty girls. Just please remember to do it in front of the camera, and stop when they call “cut.”
I have so much that I want to say about this but I’m so angry that I can’t form coherent thoughts. But I will try.
Because it is cool or trendy to be into girls, many girls claim to be bisexual when they really aren’t. These girls may never date a girl because they never have to. They say they are bisexual, guys find that hot, and they continue to date men. Therefore, it is possible to be “bisexual” without actually having to be into girls. It is the women who throw around the term “bisexual” so that they may be seen as cool, hot, or sexy by men that really get under my skin and irritate the shit out of me.
I have this theory that most every girl is “barsexual,” some just require more beer than others. If given enough alcohol to imbibe, almost any girl will make out with another girl if provoked. These make out sessions usually occur at bars, parties, or in some lucky guy’s room in the frat house. These girls make out with other girls strictly because the guys want them to. It is done for show and in no way involves desire on their parts at all. They do it so that they are “hotter” to the douchey guy that will attempt to get in their pants later. Gross.
But I do want to share one of my favorite quotes about this phenom: “Oh my GOD, you are NOT bisexual! Don’t be stupid! I mean, I went to a bar mitzvah once, that doesn’t make me Jewish!” -The Opposite of Sex
@Britni: Didn’t you hear? Gay is the new trend! As for “barsexual” (never heard that phrase before!) I’m not sure that it’s as widespread as that, although maybe I just don’t know women who treat faux sexual experimentation as performance art. One reason I really appreciated going to a women’s college was that I could be openly bisexual without it being mocked or fetishized, and the occasional PDA with my girlfriend was not accompanied by leers. Although, as I said, I’m not some incredibly femme-y girl who would be the type to stimulate those men who enjoy gay for play.
Miltovich probably loved when Olivia Wilde’s character on “House” started hooking up with women. Note also that she did that when she was on a “dangerous” streak of behavior, too. I imagine that this critic is sad that her character is all stable now and dating a man. Although it might be kind of a nerdy show in some ways, its treatment of sexuality and just generally of character’s personal aspects is completely absurd. Personally, I’d rather my characters have no personal lives and just solve medical mysteries every week, but this could be because I have no soul.
ANYWAY, it was probably only okay to air in the first place because OW is hot, and even then, it didn’t last long.
At least when Angela on “Bones” was in a relationship with a woman, the show didn’t turn into some festival of steamy scenes where hot girls made out AND the fact that the male characters were totally obsessed with the idea of two hot women making out was gently mocked.
@DangerMouse: They could take a cue or two from Kerry Weaver on ER. Ridiculous show, but that was a damn good way to handle a gay character.
@Britni: I know this is obnoxious, but “not having to” isn’t the only reason a bisexual woman may never have been in a relationship with another woman. “Not having the opportunity to” can be (and is, I imagine, at least for bisexuals rather than barsexuals [a term I've never heard, either, but I love]) a much more likely scenario. I’m living a pretty heteronormative life at the moment, but what I wouldn’t have done a few years ago to find a woman to care for and love and who would do the same for me!
That said, gay for play is obnoxious and damaging and I truly, truly hate it. And you’re right, Sarah, it is always women and it’s all about rendering those women objects for male consumption. It’s awful. And I hate that, as a femme bisexual woman who is currently married to a man, I feel like I have to defend myself, which I wouldn’t if this wretched phenomenon didn’t exist in the first place.
There was another same-sex relationship on SATC: when Samantha fell in love with the Brazilian artist. It was one of her character’s few lasting (more than an episode) relationship, and seemed to speak more to reality– she fell in love with a person who happened to be a woman, much as Cynthia Nixon says happened to her in real life.
OMG sarah, this post totally makes me wanna make out with you!!!
Wait, is the camera on?
Ahhh. I hate this so much. The first time people from my graduate program hung out last September, I got into a serious fight with three creepy, creepy men who heard me talking about QUEER THEORY with a gay male friend, and when I began to relate my own personal experiences with being a part-time gay and the gender/sexuality expectations that depressingly do not go away but just mutate with same-sex partners, these idiots literally interrupted our personal and erudite conversation to say (and I quote), “What! Girls making out! Wait go back and start over! So hot!” etc etc. I got so angry. I began with mildly cold jokes about creepy men who objectify women, then into stone-cold lectures about the fetishization of lesbianism, then straight up soap-box bitch-face on the disgusting and ridiculous assumption that gay women make out for the pleasure of straight men, that straight men are the center of the universe, and that lesbians even CARE what they-all think.
Oh my it gets my blood boiling just thinking about it. I totally made them my arch nemeses for the next two years. And I intend to crush them with my Crazy Feminist Logick. (It’s actually working well so far.)
This is also a very frustrating subject for me because I am a queer woman dating a straight man. And when all my friends from college found out I was dating a guy, it was like Another one bites the dust. Which is sad. But also, so many women who I dated and who dated women exclusively in college (also went to a women’s college) began to date men upon re-entering the Real World. It’s so hard to be queer in such a heteronormative place. I’m dating a man not because he’s a man and I love men, or because I wanted to date a man for once, or even because he’s all that special*. I’m dating a man because I couldn’t meet any lesbians in this town when I moved here from Boston. When you’re spending 98% of your time with hetero folk, it’s unsurprising that your chances of finding a suitable same-sex relationship partner hover at about 2%.
*though of course he is–but I certainly didn’t know it when I drunkenly (very drunkenly) kissed him that fateful day so many moons ago.
“I’m dating a man not because he’s a man and I love men, or because I wanted to date a man for once, or even because he’s all that special*. I’m dating a man because I couldn’t meet any lesbians in this town when I moved here from Boston.”
I’m sorry to hear that. It seems like you (and Kithkin) decided to settle for whatever you could get. I date men because I love men, because I like being with men, and I date men that are special to me. I mean is there really any other reason to date a man (or a woman). If you want to be with women but you’re dating men out of convenience, then not only is it unfair to you it is unfair to him (not to mention the many single hetero girls out there).
Oh look! Another passive-agressive comment attempting to slip under the radar by beginning with a pathetic attempt at fauxpologizing!
PepsiCoke: You’re not sorry. You’re being rude and condescending, and that shit is not welcome here. If you have something to add to the conversation, that’s one thing, but you’re basically scolding other readers as man-haters (and boy, you know how true that is!) and telling Cimorene to quit bogarting the eligible dudes. All I can say is: Srsly? Why are you here?
Thanks PhDork.
I married my husband because I love him and wanted (and still want) to spend the rest of my life with him. End of story. I don’t “love men” or “love women,” in general, although I feel and always have felt like I could be in a romantic and sexual relationship with the right person, regardless of her or his gender. I have found that right person, and he happens to have a penis and identify as male. So. I love one man and we have agreed to spend the rest of our lives together. Period. Sorry you won’t get the opportunity to date him because I’m busy hogging the dudes. /eye roll
What you said was extremely shitty, PepsiCoke. Thanks, PhDork, I just felt I had to say something myself, too.
PepsiCoke, I don’t think this is the site for you if you’re taking that attitude. My stepmother refuses to label her gender and married my father after years of being with women. This does not invalidate her previous relationships, nor does it mean she’s doing “straight for play” — because there is no way you can equate playing gay with “playing” straight. One is a sexuality that is deemed immoral and even criminal by large swaths of the world’s population, the other is the default norm according to arbitrary morality. Your comment is extremely ignorant, and saying that someone is stealing men away from hetero women perhaps best captures the spirit that we don’t really want to see here.
Hugz, kithkin. It’s like you like people as, you know, people, based on their merits and foibles, rather than arbitrary standards of dude- or babe-liness. You So Crazy.
Why is the statement “I love men” never challenged on the basis that “men” includes all the really horrible, abusive, rapey, lying men out there, but the slightest “anti-men” sentiments are quickly condemned on the basis that “men” includes the decent, honest, loving men out there?
@PhDork: I was being sarcastic about her hoarding all of the good men from the hetero women. Maybe this is not the place for me if one cannot even throw around the slightest humor without offending everyone. Why is it a statement like that is taken at face value but a comment such as Men are such assholes it is presumed they are being sarcastic. And please tell me where I scolded her for being a man hater?
@SarahMC: That is a very good question? But I think most people with common sense will realize that either comment is just a generalized statement.
I said what I said because reading Kitkin’s and Cimorene’s comments it did come off to me as if they really did/do want to be with women, but since they lived in a city with predominately heterosexuals they just deiced to date men. If that is not the case then I stand corrected, but that is how their comments came across to me.
PepsiCoke: 1. You’ve left other comments here that don’t seem to be in good faith (your man-hating comment on the P.Soul’s thread is but one recent example); 2. Both kithkin and s.o.a.l.g seem to have their sarcasmometers calibrated like mine; so either we’re all off, or you didn’t express yourself very skillfully.
@PhDork: What other comments don’t seem to be in good faith?
It seems that you think I come here to get people upset. I like to think that I do contribute to the discussion but when I disagree with someone I’ll let them know, and when I agree I will do the same.
I could just write sarcasm after every light hearted joke I make, but what’s the point of being sarcastic if you always have to let it be known.