This weekend, sarah.of.a.lesser.god sent me a link to an article about the of the first biography of Helen Gurley Brown, founding editor of Cosmopolitan magazine. As you might know, Cosmo is a favorite anti-feminist punching bag of the Harpies; its writing is painfully stupid and it promotes all kinds of Bad Thinking about body image, sex, women’s roles and gender relations. The fact that Cosmo‘s readership skews very young –high school and college age women–makes their pandering of Bad Ideas that much more pernicious.
We have not yet weighed in, however, on Helen Gurley Brown herself, and Sarah was deliberately waving a red flag to the feminist bull with that link, as I absolutely despise HGB and she knows it (that is, sarah.of.a.lesser.god knows it. HGB is likely still unaware, but if y’all want to forward this post to her, feel free.)
The author of the biography, Jennifer Scanlon, is a professor of Gender and Women’s Studies at Bowdoin College and she thinks there’s a place in women’s history, and even feminism, for Helen Gurley Brown:
“Many second wave feminists wrote her off as no more than the female equivalent of Hugh Hefner,” notes Scanlon, who is an expert in consumer culture. “I’m arguing that she was an early practitioner of the second wave who also laid the groundwork for what people are considering feminism today—the so-called third wave, lipstick-friendly feminism you see typified in Sex and the City.
I’m not buying that HGB was part of the feminist movement at all. Not for a moment. And I don’t think Professor Scanlon really is, either. You’ll notice that she takes great pains to specify “what people are considering feminism today.” Not actual feminism, mind you, since that Sex and the City lipstick “feminism” has about as much in common with 1960s second-wave feminism as the “krab” in my California roll has in common with the real crustacean.
Ironically:
Scanlon found an untapped wealth of information on Brown at the Smith College Archives, which houses her papers, along with many other notable women of the 20th century, including Smith alum Gloria Steinem.
Gloria, honey, I’m sorry. Hopefully they keep them in a bio-hazard bag far, far away from yours.
Professor Scanlon is entitled to her opinion, of course, but I, for one, am perfectly ready to declare Helen Gurley Brown an Traitor to Womanity. Yes, she made money and founded a media empire, but she did it on the backs of other women, women who were desperately searching for independence and empowerment and who deserved much, much better than HGB’s shitty, retro, destructive, anti-woman vision of society.
Consider the following:
- HGB only paid lip service to financial independence for women. In reality, she was all about transactional relations with men.
“Brown was famous for advising women on how to leverage the social-financial contract between the sexes. “She had some interesting schemes,” says Scanlon. “One was, if you go out with a man who is from out of town, get him to pay for your taxi ride home. Have him give you the cab money, let the taxi take you one block, then jump out and take a bus.”"She felt that women should never pay for dates,” adds Scanlon. “She was aware that men were the ones who earned the money and felt they should be willing to spend it; she maintained that women should reciprocate as they saw fit.”
The word “reciprocate” in that context kinda gives me the dry heaves. In the 1960s, women were just starting to earn their own way in the world. And yet, here’s HGB, saying women should still be soaking men for as much cash as we can get. Not “pay for your own bus ride” or “split the check” or “let him pay for dinner but make it clear he has no right to expect sex.” Nope, in her world, men have the money, and us clever gals use our feminine wiles to get a piece. Gender equality FAIL.
- HGB is all about Thin Privilege. Her sick views on body image helped launch thousands of eating disorders and made stick-thin figures the prevailing standard of beauty.
Ever seen an issue of Cosmo with its ridiculous photoshopped covers? Ever read its gazillion articles about crackpot diets and rapid weight-loss tips? Then you know what I’m talking about. For that we can thank the editorial sensibility of HGB, the woman who once famously said that she loved having diarrhea because it took off a couple pounds and who told the New York Times: “Letting your body get sloppy is inexcusable.” In that same article she reports that her ideal weight is 95 lbs, so we can safely assume that we’re all “sloppy” by HGB’s standards.
- HGB thinks sexual assault can be quite delightful, especially in the workplace.
From Time: “Writing in the Wall Street Journal last week, Brown fondly recalled working at a Los Angeles radio station during the late 1940s and early ’50s. Her male co-workers, wrote Brown, played a “dandy game called ‘Scuttle’ . . . they would select a secretary, chase her down the halls . . . catch her and take her panties off. Nothing wicked ever happened.”
According to the author, everyone enjoyed the pursuit and “no scuttler was ever reported to the front office. Au contraire, the girls wore their prettiest panties to work . . . Alas, I was never scuttled.” Brown professed shock that modern girls would disagree with her notions of what constitutes a playful professional pastime.
Jesus Motherfucking Christ in a handbag. What is wrong with this woman? “Nothing wicked?” That shit is illegal. I ran this magazine clip by my buddy Anonymous Prosecutor, who wrote back “In New York State we call that “forcible touching”, a misdemeanor, but if the woman is panty-less, and the forcible touching continues, it’s felonious sexual assault. At any rate, I can’t believe she thinks that’s okay.”
- HGB says if your husband cheats, even if he fucks your best friend, it’s your fault for not fucking him enough:
Also from the Times: Mrs. Brown is secure enough to recommend in “The Late Show” that older women take a fresh look at their friends’ husbands as potential lovers. “Husbands are a source of supply. I never feel guilt about the wife, if she can’t keep him at home.”
Ah yes. Men can’t be expected to exercise simple self control. They’re entitled to sex and it’s the wife’s job to provide them with it. If she’s not, feel free to swoop right in there, even if she’s your best friend. Don’t feel guilty! That man deserves sex–because he’s a man!–and you’re actually helping by providing it.
- HGB wants you to…EWWWW:
“Spread semen over your face, [it's] probably full of protein as sperm can eventually become babies. Makes a fine mask—and he’ll be pleased.”
Or you could use a fucking moisturizer. I kinda suspect from this that HGB might have a secret sideline in bukkake films. I actually ran this “beauty tip” by my current not-boyfriend to see if it would, in fact, “please” him to help me apply a jizz-mask instead of my usual Neutrogena one. He looked horrified and stammered: “You mean you’d just leave it on there? Gross!”
I could go on. No, really, I could! Google has so much of Helen Gurley Brown’s subversively anti-woman bullshit in its caches that if I wanted to mine it all, we could be here for days, that is, if we didn’t spontaneously combust from righteous womanly outrage. Suffice it to say that while I’m not above picking up Cosmo to pass the time at the salon, I absolutely draw the line at lauding Helen Gurley Brown as a participant in the women’s movement.
Yes, she’s got something to do with feminism, alright, but only in the sense that Budweiser has something to do with Alcoholics Anonymous.
I’m going to have to stop reading this at work if you don’t stop being so damn funny! People are continually coming to my cubicle to see if I’m choking to death when I’m attempting to stifle peals of laughter.
Spread semen over your face, [it's] probably full of protein as sperm can eventually become babies
Lady, that logic would be like saying you should shove chicken cutlets up your vagina because they’re also full of life-giving protein.
Back in the day Jezebel had two commenters spread semen on their faces and report the results. You can search for it and find it. I think they both reported burning and stinging.
Also, sperm does not eventually become babies. The sperm needs an egg. Way to take the egg out of the equation, HGB.
I am so glad Canada had Doris Anderson and Chatelaine magazine instead… (Valerie J. Korinek wrote a book about it – “Roughing it in the Suburbs” – from the product summary on Amazon, “It illustrates how the structure of the magazine’s production, and the composition of its editorial and business offices allowed for feminist material to infiltrate a mass-market women’s monthly.” Infiltrate! Awesome.)
Another thought: is there protein in menstrual blood? And would HGB advocate smearing that on our faces? I’m sure the men would be very pleased…
Also, sperm does not eventually become babies.
Indeed, as WifeRat is quick to point out; I’ve contributed one cell to her current pregnancy, everything else is all her.
I have an elaborate plan to try those ridiculous “sex positions” they are constantly writing about and then sue when I’m inevitable crippled for life in some horrible mishap. I’ll bankrupt the magazine once and for all!!!
[...] Original post by The Pursuit of Harpyness [...]
Becky this is hilarious! I love “krab.”
Although I don’t think I ever considered HGB an ally, I didn’t realize the extent of her crimes against womanity. SCUTTLING? Jeezus, Mad Men could go even further than it does. All the more reason to never ever ever read Cosmo (even though she’s no longer editor, right?).
And now I’m going to put tofu (vegan protein!) on my face and make sure the dude is adequately sexulated (for which I will get, oh, like, a pack of gum or something, because I ain’t no 95 pounds).
This autobiography is ridiculous. Lipstick-friendly, Sex and the City feminism? Bawhat?
No words.
[...] See the rest here: » On Helen Gurley Brown, Traitor to Womanity The Pursuit of Harpyness [...]
@Hillrat: Aw, thanks!
@PhDork: She is a stone cold enemy of womanity. I am going to wear a red dress to her funeral and dance on her coffin.
It also cracks me up that the part of this post that seems to have captured everyone’s attention is the jizz-mask part.
Yeah, I think I remember from science class that semen is mostly sugar and acid–fairly low on protein content.
I don’t know what constitutes a good moisturizer, though; I always thought it had something to do with oil?
Oh, Becky. This is why our old age on a porch somewhere will be such delicious snark fun.
Hold the phone. HGB has a place in feminism because she represents a common misconception of what feminism might mean but doesn’t?
@braak: maybe semen has sunscreen in it.
@kithkin: Good point. You almost never see a dude with sunburned balls.
Testicular sunburn is actually a really big problem. Guys just don’t like to talk about it.
I was about to make a bad joke about lower abdomens. But I’m not an overshocker.
@Becky: Aaaaand you just made me realize I should have included you in my list of people on whom I am, like, totally crushing on the jez thread. You and the other harpies I missed.
To get back on topic:
“Alas, I was never scuttled.”
Because sexual harassment is flattery, amiriteladieez?
In the article, HGB is described as a “maverick diva.” I think “maverick diva” must be code for anti-feminist, given the events of last year and now this. I should start offering decryption services for pay.
@kithkin: Thanks! I have a commenter crush on you. We should run off and get married!
If a man ever “scuttled” me in the workplace, we could all retire to a big feminist villa in the countryside that I would buy with my massive sexual harrassment settlement. Said villa would be furnished with the skins of the scuttlers.
I think “diva” is an anti-feminist word in general. Anyone else feel that way?
Iowa is a nice place!
Absolutely, about the word diva. It connotes someone vain, egotistical, and divisive without much substance. It’s slapped on women who dare to speak up for themselves in their personal or professional lives and then “reclaimed” by people who like rhinestone keychains and don’t seem to reflect on what it means to reclaim a word.
I only know “diva” from how it’s used in the theater (in my experience, more often with men than women), and am constantly astounded that anyone would choose to apply it to themselves.
It’s like wearing a person buying a big sign to put around their neck that says, “I’m not worth the hassle.”
*Or you could use a fucking moisturizer.*
You’re killing me! And that last line–oof! Perfect.
Ok, I was going to be contrarian and suggest that HGB maybe had feminist leanings, you know, it’s ok to be single, independent, sexual…
But that scuttling story is so horrifying, I can’t even make a semen face mask joke right now.
Ladies! Let us kneel at the altar of the Almighty Penis! Let us rejoice and give thanks for its gift of semen! Let us show this gratitued by adorning our faces!
I read Cosmo for the lulz. I think I’ll start getting it secondhand, though, since I’m not 100% comfortable supporting the magazine financially.
Also, I want to (someday) buy out PlayGirl and make it the feminist answer to Cosmo. Who’s with me?
Oh, Harpies.
Forgive me, mothers, for I must confess a feminist sin.
I kind of heart Helen Gurley Brown. In the same way I feel like Cosmo is the Onion for Feminists, I’ve enjoyed long hours in the tub laughing with all of HGBs books.
I know, it’s wrong, Becky’s analysis is absolutely spot-on. I guess I just picture her purring at people and calling them pussycats while extolling the virtues of calorie restriction using your age as a guide with a straight face and I can’t help but crack up.
@Latoya: I know it seems harmless, and maybe it is to women like us b/c it slides off our feminism-plated armor. But that shit is served up in all seriousness and it’s taken seriously by young women and has been for decades. I find that alarming. If a male publisher were pushing it instead of HGB, we’d be up in arms.
And HGB may seem harmless with her girlfriendy purring, but remember: even the devil can quote Scripture to suit his purpose!
I have never been able to tastefully communicate my hatred towards Cosmo the way you ladies have – in fact, it is what first attracted me to your blog. Please, please continue.
Can I just say after seeing the insane comments over on the Jez thread regarding HGB, I am very thankful that I have you Harpies. xxxxxxxxxx
[...] “helen gurley brown feminist”– EPIC FAIL [...]
[...] going to have to sit a feminist shiva and declare Naomi Wolf dead to me. Because y’all know how I feel about Helen Gurley Brown, Traitor to Womanity. (Hint: she is to feminism as Budweiser is to Alcoholics [...]
Good God. Helen Gurley Brown left her archives to Smith…and they accepted them?
Piece of advice, alma mater? Don’t go telling folks that. It’s not a selling point.