This is where you hide your MBA. Via LonesomeRoadStudios @ Flickr.
Today’s “It Only Seems Woman-Positive” award goes to Patricia Handschiegel’s Huffington Post article: “The New Power Girls Style: More Sneaky Tips For Balancing Work/Life From Entrepreneurs and Executives.”
Okay, you lost me at “Power Girls.” Unless you’re a pre-teen, honey, you ain’t a girl. I always want to gag when intelligent, professional women insist on referring to themselves and others as “girls.” Do they do it because our youth-obsessed culture makes them feel irrelevant if they’re over 18? Or because they want to appear as unthreatening as possible? Don’t worry, men! It’s just us girls! Tee hee!
“Power Girls”, “Rules Girls”, “Cosmo Girls”, “Girls Will Be Girls,” I am fucking sick of Grown-Ass Women being called “girls.” One of my first Awesome Feminist Moments was when–at age 12–I witnessed the inimitable MamaSharper snap at a hotel clerk who referred to her and AuntSharper, Esq. as “you girls.” I think it went something like: “You can quit calling us girls. I prefer Dr. Sharper.” Suffice it to say, it made an impression on me, and I know it made one on that poor schmuck of a hotel clerk. Needless, to say, I’ve never heard the same pervasive juvenilization of successful men, except maybe for the phrase “old boys’ club” (an institution to which “girls” are never admitted).
Anyhoo, the article’s tips about work life-balance for Power Girls Women are nothing revolutionary: get organized, make time for yourself, exercise, drink plenty of water. Of course, the tips have to be “sneaky,” because God forbid “girls” be forthright and honest about their needs. But in the end, work-life balance is really all about claiming your girly girl-ness femininity:
Today’s successful women are balancing things better than ever, be it fitness, family, fashion – even femininity – to have the lives we hope to have. “When a woman taps into and owns her femininity and all of the innate qualities that make her a woman, there is no stopping the rise of her star – in career and life,” said Cindy Yates, co-author of Cashmere Glove: The Feminine Approach to Business.
Oh what the fuck ever, Cindy. (All due respect.) Stop it with the whole femininity vs. business bullshit! Seeing “business” as exclusively masculine is precisely the kind of sexist thinking that the women’s movement was supposed to help us overcome. So why is HuffPo–founded by a woman who’s no mincing girly girl–running an article that breathlessly condescends to the very women it’s supposed to be helping?
What are these inate qualities that make me a woman? Will tapping into my reproductive organs make my star rise?
I confess I usually refer to myself as a girl. I am not really sure why. I’m 24. I’ve passed some major milestones like graduating from college, and even done some adult type things like buying a house and getting married and moving 1,000 miles from home. And yet, when trying on the word “woman” it usually feels like I’m trying on my mom’s too big high heels or something. It just doesn’t feel quite right.
@funnyface: That resonates for me. Recently I realized that I feel odd calling myself a woman, rather than a girl–and I’m 32. When I thought about it, I had to admit that “woman” is sort of a dirty word and “girl” has much more positive connotations. “Women” are dowdy, aggressive, unpleasant, undesirable; “girls” are fun, charming, enjoyable to be around, nonthreatening. Society’s got some problems when the most accurate word to describe myself–”woman”–is practically off-limits. But you know what? I’m sick of calling myself a “girl,” of making myself smaller like that, so it’s “woman” from now on, no matter how weird it feels.
@Laughingrat: I think you hit the nail on the head. Well said.
@Funnyface: Own your womanhood, my sister! Be proud of the grown-up life you lead!
I caught myself saying “going out with the girls” the other night. It felt weird.
Is “drink a lot of water” seriously one of the tips? Is that the secret to the universe? If only I drank enough water, I can be thinner, have better skin, AND solve the problem of work-family balance.
I still feel weird when I hear a little kid (or the kid’s mom) refer to me as a “lady.” (Example: In the doctor’s office last week, a mom says, “Pick up your toys and let this lady walk by, please.”) I’m always like, Lady? I’m not a LADY! It sounds so old. I kinda miss the days when I was called a “girl.” (And yes, I’m afraid of aging — not because of the accompanying wrinkles, but because I like life, and I don’t like to think of my life getting shorter!)
@Spark: Yes, apparently water is seriously one of the tips. Totally ground-breaking, right?
Also: “Power Girls walk or take the stairs to sneak in exercise, set gym time, rely on vitamins, smoothies and fresh fruit to keep healthy.”
These tips brought to you by, oh, EVERY WOMEN’S MAGAZINE EVER. Also, OPRAH.
@Becky: Yeah, this article sounds like it was spit out of the lady-mag content generator. Cue book deal in 3… 2…
Power Girls monitor their bodies excessively! Power Girls do all the work required of them, and then some! Power Girls must make it look effortless!
“Power Girls” are slaves to the Patriarchy.
Becky, that is one of my pet peeves as well. I hate that! I seriously find it ridiculously insulting and it grates on my last nerves when other women start up with, “I’m just an X-girl”.
p.s. special place in hell for grown women who refer to themselves as “daddys girls”
Re: girls vs. women, I confess I sometimes call myself a girl. I am young, and I look young (I think I’m the same height as s.o.a.l.g.), so that may be part of it. In a group yesterday, a young woman (22 like me) said “I don’t feel like an adult, but when kids look at me, they think I am one so I guess I shouldn’t argue.” I was grateful she said that because it more or less sums up my feelings on the subject.
Ok, so, I think I can probably start calling myself a woman more often. But I’m sorry, bluebears, I’m not giving up “daddy’s girl.” My dad is a man crazy about his 3 daughters. He sends me letters ever week. We have a great adult relationship. But I will always be his little girl, even as an adult. Same goes for my mother. I know when my parents see me, they see their baby. They treat me like an adult, but I’m their baby. I am sorry that my special relationship with them would be hell-worthy.
Can I add “princess” to the mix? That word is like nails on a chalkboard.
Spark- you can take it away from everyone except those of us named Sarah. I always loved that my name means “princess” in Hebrew.
I usually get “sweetheart.” I guess the fact that I tend to look 19 instead of 27 and am really really short gives complete strangers, both men and women, the license to use condescending terms. I am a woman. Deal with it.
@funnyface: Oh yes, the Princess Sarahs! My family was oddly convinced that I was the family’s “Chosen One” (this is not a joke, it is a term that is still used by grandparents, cousins, and the like). So the princess meaning of my name fueled the fire. On a *facepalm* note, my mother’s parents thought it would be absolutely adorable to get two-year-old me a shirt that said “I’m an Indian Princess” with a stereotypical Native American in headdress in front of a tee-pee, because I am 1/4 Sioux and my dad’s family is proud of it. This did not go over well with my dad.
@funnyface: I mean more along the lines of “He treats me like a princess! Princess for a day!”
I don’t have a problem with “girl” if it’s used by someone you’re familiar with. total strangers should not refer to me as a girl though, you don’t know me you don’t know my age, do not assume. If I’m being waited on by any sort of customer servie person I expect to be called “Miss” not “Honey”, M’am”, “Sweetheart”, or by my first name if I have not given you my permission.
(another pet peeve of mine is at the grocery store when you leave and they say “Have a nice day Emily” just cause they read your name off of your credit card or check. I didn’t introduce myself to you and I’m not wearing a name tag. Just “have a nice day” or “have a nice day Miss lastname”. I don’t like the implied familiarity.)
How is “Miss” more acceptable than “Ma’am” which is essentially a short form of “Madam”?
For some reason I don’t think Arriana Huffington ever reads the style section of the Huffington Post.
@Funnyface: Total Daddy’s Girl here, and not ashamed to say it. I love both my dads (dad and stepdad) and my stepdad still calls me “princess.” They’re entitled, to, though, because I’m their kid and so I’ll always be a “girl” to them, for better or for worse. They’re my own personal patriarchy, and I can live with that.
Also, I do not like to be called Miss. I am a grown-ass woman and if you must call me something, you can call me Ma’am.
It goes without saying that I NEVER EVER use anything but “Ms.” to refer to myself.
@funnyface @BeckySharper: I suppose I could be considered a Daddy’s girl in that I am super-close to him. But he was never possessive of me in a paternal way, and actually relates so much better to adults than children so I never felt like our relationship had any real condescension. So I don’t mind being called a Daddy’s girl, if only because the relationship is not at all about being enthralled to my father but about feeling very lucky to have his love.
I went to a women’s college. Even before I started there, the denizens insisted that we were already “women.” The current students and alumnae all called us women, and continued to reinforce the term. It felt odd, as I was still in high school, to refer to myself as a woman, but I quickly grew to love it. It recognized my maturity, my independence of thought and action, my responsibility for myself and my community, my readiness to take on all of the intellectual, practical, moral and emotional challenges that everyone faces. It was adult. It recognized that I was already doing all of these things, taking on these responsibilities, and that I was ready for more. It reflected the growing I had already done, and my total personhood, whereas “girl” implies incompleteness. And it was real. I still use it and call the young women I know “women.” They usually give me odd looks at first, but they come to appreciate it, too. Of course, as I get older, I still like to identify myself as a “girl” too, with my friends. And that’s about recognizing and allowing the kid side of myself, too. But I am never less than a woman, even when I am a “girl.”
I like that elibard. Saying something often enough makes it true, and I certainly have found it to be true in my self image, of focusing on saying positive things to myself, about myself. Maybe if we tell ourselves often enough that we are women, it will stick as well.
Becky, I generally put Ms. on everything too. I can handle Mrs., though I don’t usually use it myself. But heaven forbid anyone ever refers to me as Mrs. Husband’sfirstname Lastname. Because my first name is NOT Jon.
@funnyface: Whenever I go to weddings where the couple is introduced as “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe”, I get major frowny-face. There is just no excuse for that in this day and age. EVER.
I’m fine with either Ma’am or Miss. They’re both roughly equivalent terms by which to address an adult woman (although Ma’am generally skews older). I will also accept Ms. Flackette, and when I finish my Ph.D., Dr. Flackette.
You know what I really miss? Adults teaching their kids to call other adults Miss, Mrs., Ms., or Mr. so-and-so. I heard that Reese Witherspoon instructs her kids to always use titles, even if it precedes a first name (like “Miss Mary” instead of “Miss Smith). If kids don’t learn to use appropriate titles and manners early on, how can we be surprised if they call people less-than-respectful things later in life?
I find it interesting that I’m technically Mrs. Husband’s First Name Husband’s Last Name, but if he were to die or we divorced, I would be Ms. Kithkin Father’s Last Name once more. I am not, on my reading of Emily Post, Mrs. Kithkin Husband’s Last Name. That’s his mother, I think. I am still supposed to use my father’s crest (and both our families, hilariously, have crests, though mine uses ours more), not my husband’s. I don’t remember if this is true once couples have children. Guess I just pass from dudely possession to dudely possession, and my place is only secure if I manage to pop out some progeny.
@BeckySharper – my mother sometimes calls me Mrs. HusbandFirstName HusbandLastName because she knows it pisses me off. I absolutely hate it, and no discussion stems the tide. Then my stepmom does it, too, with no malicious intent whatsoever, but I hate it equally. Sigh. I think there I’m being put in my 1950s-determined place, at least verbally, much as I refuse it in reality.
And Kithkin, I think you’ve hit that nail squarely – I love the info about crests! How funny! Indeed, progeny popping (which makes me think of Lil Bunny Foufou) is required in order not to disappear from history entirely, according to said patriarchy. Sigh.
I still insist on wearing my family’s kilt, even though women aren’t technically supposed to wear them!
I remember reading somewhere that there’s no feminine equivalent (in American English) to the word ‘guy’. I wish I could remember where I’d stumbled across that nifty little factoid, because it was quite a tidbit for thought. Because, really? I’ve thought about it, and I can’t come up with one. ‘Guy’, as a rule, carries no baggage; it just refers to a male person of any age of position. No judgment, generally. I honestly can’t think of a feminine version of the word. I kind of feel like I’m forced to choose between ‘girl’, ‘gal’, ‘woman’, ‘lady’, ‘chick’ or ‘broad’. Each one does carry a particular message, if you think about it. What’s a girl-gal-woman-lady-chick-broad to do?!
@tothejenthpower: You’re right, I can’t come up with one either. It changes for the plural, though, at least I think it does. I can imagine calling a group of women “you guys,” as in “what are you guys doing later?” or “guys, settle down,” or something like that. This may be inaccurate or weird or it may reflect the fact that I spend almost all my time in mostly-male or at least mixed settings. I know we have some women’s college alumnae–how was it there? Was “guys” a term you heard or used?
“(another pet peeve of mine is at the grocery store when you leave and they say “Have a nice day Emily” just cause they read your name off of your credit card or check. I didn’t introduce myself to you and I’m not wearing a name tag. Just “have a nice day” or “have a nice day Miss lastname”. I don’t like the implied familiarity.)”
I know I’m late to the party here but that DRIVES ME NUTS. I am a bank teller and I see other people I work with doing it to our members all the time. I refuse to do it. I will call them by their first name if they introduce themselves to me. Until then, it’s Mr. or Ms. Lastname. And I do NOT like to be called by my first name by strangers either (especially considering how often they mispronounce it… on the other hand my surname is also unpronounceable).
But the real reason I HAD to comment on this post:
“You can quit calling us girls. I prefer Dr. Sharper.”
BAD. ASS. That is so awesome.
Water makes you pee.
Can womin start wearing diapers around the office? We could just go where ever we want, and the men would be in the bathroom all the time because they aren’t in the know about Pamper’s Womanly brand, so womin would dominate the corporate world.