Are you married? Did you wed him because you were deeply in love? You fool! Any woman with a modicum of intelligence would only have entered into a marriage for one reason: cold hard cash. You must be so old-fashioned. All the cool, postfeminist women are marrying for money, and proud of it.
That, at least, is the premise of the headdesk-inducing new book, Smart Girls Marry Money by Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake. The description on the jacket cover says the book will “show how women are being shafted by their own romantic ideals,” and asks “When did gold-digging become a four letter word?” And they promise to back up their assertions with “stats” and “data” (the fact that stats are data notwithstanding). Not only is this ridiculous and offensive, it is based on four odious pretenses:
Feeling nauseous yet?
Here are a few choice excerpts:
[To “older” women, i.e. those over forty] “Hell, we don’t care if you suck the fat out of your ass and use it to plump up your tits. Whatever makes you feel beautiful, go for it. So even if your original sell-by date is long overdue, you may still avoid working until you drop dead. While our shout-out is primarily for the young supple beauties squandering their hotness–if you’re older and you still aren’t married to a man with money, there’s still time.
Our modern spin on gold-digging should be viewed as the new morality: a helpful way for men to rediscover their innate manliness…While it may be news to smart girls, most bimbos already had a clue, probably because they had no other cards to play.
We love men. But we’re not like them. Men turn us on. They fight for our honor; they take out the garbage, lift heavy objects and occasionally give us orgasms.
Ford and Drake extol the careers of “women who have skyrocketing careers in a wide range of professions.” Who do you think they chose to demonstrate that? Hillary Clinton? Rachel Maddow? Venus Williams? Maybe even Sarah Palin? Try Jenna Jameson.
One of the most offensive things about this book is that it purports that there is “a growing, collective suspicion that the postfeminist world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.” Uh, postfeminist world? Sigh. Great, I guess feminism has ended and we can all pack up our bags and go home. No need to rally for equal rights anymore, girls! (Yes, you are girls! You don’t need to be mature women!) Gloria Steinem’s success pales next to that of Jenna Jameson. Don’t look for an equal partnership based on anything emotional.
Just make sure you find a man who can line your bank account and don’t worry your pretty head about your own earning power. It’ll evaporate anyway, as will your “supple young thing” looks. Be smart, be postfeminist, don’t worry about pay disparities, marry money — and mock those women who actually keep striving to earn parity in the professional and personal spheres. Those poor, unfortunate souls* who know not that marriage really means “Till checkbooks do us part.” And if they worry that we’re perpetuating the myth that women only want money from men and like to bleed them dry, just ignore their ramblings. They must be jealous.
*Yes, this is a random Little Mermaid allusion, as is the title.