Bea Arthur portrait painted in wasabi. Yeah, I don't know either. Via rakka @ Flickr.
You have by now likely heard from other sources that Bea Arthur (that’s Dorothy Zbornak or Maude to you) died today of cancer, at 86. Though all brassy, complicated, old-style Hollywood dames get my love (see: Hepburn, Katharine), I have a special place in my heart for her and will be thinking of her tonight. I never watched Maude because I was too young, and it wasn’t much played as a rerun in the parts of Canada where I grew up. But The Golden Girls was, to me, a sort of proto-feminist text, because it gave me a sense early on of how important and vital female friendships are in your life.
For example: last weekend I was out and about in Brooklyn with a couple of friends of mine who happen to be married to each other. I’ve known both of them a long time, and an ongoing subject of ours is impending parental decrepitude (this appears to be a standard subject for the late 20s and early 30s set, it seems). The male half of the couple began to expound, as though this had occurred to him for the first time, on his”new idea that he’d like to live in a house together with all of his older friends when the time comes for us. His wife and I exchanged bemused glances, because we have been, off and on, discussing for years the idea of doing this when we are old women. We let him in on our plan and then noted that we expected him to die first (he is, after all, older than us and yes I’m saying this ’cause I think he might read it) and he seemed a little put out. But it wasn’t personal, we explained. Most women I know, of course, talk about a future Golden Girls-like living situation. BeckySharper was talking about Old Harpy Home just the other day.
When women tell me they find it hard to be friends with other women, my mind tends always to wonder what it is in men they think they can better rely on. It’s not just biological lifespans that lean in favour of having female friends; it’s that like it or not there are some things that women are better off sharing with other women, like epic tampon stories. (It’s why I still cling to the (rightfully) battered and bent notion of sisterhood – I still maintain there is a there there.) It’s why I worry about women who cut themselves off once they are in relationships. It’s why I don’t know how I feel about marriage, because I have had strong reltionships and I have had strong friendships and only the latter have lasted. And it’s why I’m forever grateful to Bea Arthur for showing me that brassy funny women always, always, have the last laugh, with their friends.
I love how she took what might have been–and indeed, were–disadvantages for a woman of her era, like her amazing stature, her throaty voice, and her genius for lacerating with words, and not only made a great career for herself, but presented an alternative image of women’s realities and abilities. She always seemed so unafraid of censure, and comfortable in her skin, I would have admired her as a person, if I didn’t already love her for her work.
When I read about this my first thought was: “86? Really?” She came across as so authoritative and strong that to my mind she seemed ageless. I really don’t like the cliche “a force of nature”, but that’s absolutely what Bea Arthur was. You just have to stand up and salute when you come across a fabulous, gutsy broad like her.
Incidentally, my mom, like Sophia, will be joining us at the Old Harpy Home. Y’all will love her.
Thank you for this post. I remember watching The Golden Girls as a child, and while most of the innuendo went right over my nine-year-old head, I just thought Dorothy Zbornak was the absolute coolest. As someone who went through most of her life without many close friendships, that show really looked like such a cool way to live life — surrounded by loved ones who didn’t have to be parents or siblings or children or spouses, but loved ones with whom you had a bond that was just as powerful as anything “familial.”
@Sarah–I was the same way. I grew up watching not only Golden Girls, but also Empty Nest and Nurses (they were all in the same universe, which freaked me out!) and I always had respect for Bea Arthur in speaking her mind, and not giving a shit what other people thought. I really need to rewatch the entire GG series–I think that my childish weirdness at hearing about women the same age as my grandmother (who was a widow since 1970 and never remarried and had her own crew of friends kind of like this) being, well, women turned me off the show as a teen or a young adult. But it boasts such a fabulous cast that I really, really need to revisit it.
I think I speak for the whole gay community when I say, “We love you Bea and will miss you. God bless you.” Thank you for being a friend. RIP.
Aw, this was a great post. I actually have more male (some of them gay, most of them not) friends than female, and, honestly, I think it’s because a lot of the women I know are NOT feminists and don’t get me. I’m not saying my male friends are feminists, although some of them do identify that way, but they’ve been surprisingly more open to my notions about gender than a lot of women I know. Of course, my best friend in the world is a woman, and I consider the awesome women in my family to also be my friends. Anyway, while I hope my husband lives a long, long time, he is 14.5 years older than me and we have no plans to have children so I do kind of worry about being alone in my old age. At 38, I’m probably older than most of ya’ll Harpies but I wouldn’t setting up the retirement home for some rad feminist broads. And I agree with PilgramSoul: being near the ocean is a must.
oops, that should read “I wouldn’t MIND setting up the retirement home.”
Can you imagine a tv show about four old women getting off the ground in 2009? I can’t. Can you imagine a female main character getting an abortion on a tv show in 2009? I can’t.
RIP Bea!
[...] A tribute to Bea Arthur, 1922 – 2009. [...]
Bea Arthur was the alpha Golden Girl
She’ll be missed