I worry a lot about how having a child is going to affect my career, my relationship, my individuality. I’ve read so many studies and articles that say even with families who attempt to be equal, women end up doing the bulk of the child-rearing and work around the house. While I look forward to having children, I do not look forward to a lot of the problems I know will come along with it. I know I’m not alone on this. This is why we need to have a serious conversation about this, about the actual challenges, not just theoretical suppositions about what motherhood is and whether it is good or bad.

There was a romanticizing-motherhood element of the Second Wave, which was known as “cultural feminism” at the time. It was basically an attempt to reclaim the work women historically had done (quilting, gardening, mothering, canning vegetables, knitting, etc) as more valuable than what men had historically done, a feminist challenge to conventional history and re-centering of women’s experience.

I am not sure if my previous comment was taken positively or negatively (some of this discussion seems to be going right over my head, which isn’t unusual), but my apologies if it was regarded negatively–that was not my intention. I was just relating my own experiences.

Harpies I have a question for you. Are there links or do we know who specifically bell hooks is referring to?

If it’s the smug Brooklyn mommies of the comments, that’s less interesting to me. If it means some (possibly insincere) attempts at feminism by bishops in the RC Church, that’s something else again.

Or, is the reference is to some other published, feminist person discussing feminism who seems to romanticize motherhood? That’s most interesting to me. Who would that be?

@emilyanne: For the record, I always ask friends/acquaintances who are pregnant or already parents about non-parenting aspects of their lives. I imagine that when people assume being your child’s keeper is the only thing that defines you, it’s as aggravating as when people assume that my childlessness defines me!
Oops…forgot to say great post! Looking forward to your next one.

@emilyanne: For the record, I always ask friends/acquaintances who are pregnant or already parents about non-parenting aspects of their lives. I imagine that when people assume being your child’s keeper is the only thing that defines you, it’s as aggravating as when people assume that my childlessness defines me!

I think JD’s first comment gets it right about one thing: mothers are not *actually* treated well under patriarchy. In fact, once a woman is in charge of a baby or two, patriarchy mommy-tracks her in many ways, and that’s not cool at all.
So on one hand those of us without children see the way patriarchy scolds us and tells us we’re not doing our “jobs” as women and are worthless for not fulfilling our destinies, etc. But it is only doing that because it knows that once we become mothers it can deny us promotions and pressure us to stay out of the public sphere and police our every waking moment even more strictly than it otherwise does!
Wow I feel like I’ve had an epiphany.