DO NOT WANT. Via bb_matt @ Flickr.
Gentle readers, I’ve been meaning to bring this up for some time now, but wanted to find the right way to say it. I know there are those of you who will disagree with me, and that’s fine. But I’m going to get it off my chest nonetheless.
I prefer smaller penises. I do not like great big huge baseball bat donkey dicks.
There, I’ve said it. I choose my choice!
I know we’re all supposed to think “the bigger the better.” Hell, America runs on our obsession with having the biggest whatever: house, SUV, breasts, bucket of chicken wings, etc. And we also believe the same about cocks; as evidenced by the proliferation of exciting “gain 6 inches!” e-mail offers in my spam folder. Our culture loudly proclaims: little dick BAD, big dick GOOD. If you don’t go through life swinging the biggest billy club in town, well, son, you are just not a Real Man. But while bigger may be better for some things—I, for one, would like a bigger bank account—it is simply NOT TRUE when it comes to cocks.
Based on an informal survey of women friends and family—including my fellow Harpies—I think it’s safe to say most of us don’t subscribe to “bigger is better” when it comes to manly equipment. We’re not looking for tiny little gherkin dicks, but we’re definitely not in favor of those big-ass billy clubs either. Personally, I’ve encountered a few unusually large penii in my travels. And with all due respect to Philip, Jeff, Dan and Andy, it really would have been okay with me if their trouser snakes been a little less python-tastic. Here’s why:
1. Big dicks require a lot more foreplay. In order to get them in comfortably, you have to be 100% warmed up and completely relaxed. Which makes quickies a bit challenging, since if you’re NOT 100% warmed up, there will be discomfort. I don’t know about you ladies, but pain cools my ardor very quickly. There’s nothing I hate more than being excited but wincing and gritting my teeth on penetration. Lube helps, but only somewhat, and it’s a drag to carry a bottle of Astroglide with you everywhere.
2. Our vaginas are not bottomless. There’s a little thing called a cervix, and it doesn’t like to be bashed about. Maybe some women out there have unusually deep vadges, but the average vaginal canal is only about 4 inches deep. While the vagina may lengthen or stretch slightly on arousal, the truth is, a 12-inch porn star cock is just not going to fit all the way in—although that doesn’t stop some dudes from trying. Positions like doggy-style, which shortens the vagina further, are pretty fucking ouchy for me when my partner’s really well-hung. Smaller dick, though? No problem.
3. Big dicks require Trojan Magnums and Trojan Magnums are the devil. There’s something about the unusually thick rubbery construction of that particular condom that makes them significantly more drying than any other I’ve ever used. Super-drying condom+big dick+vigorous thrusting=PAINFUL FRICTION. Again, lube helps, but only so much, and frequently pausing to reapply it is a guaranteed boner-killer. I’ve also been told by my partners that Trojan Magnums feel thick and desensitizing, thus prolonging an increasingly uncomfortable experience. I’m not saying I can’t work with Trojan Magnums, but they make everything ten times more difficult. Durex XXL are much better, but Trojan runs a hell of a marketing operation, and dudes—even little-dicked dudes—love that gold-wrapped Magnum, and the way it loudly proclaims “Stand back, ladies! I’m packing a big one!” If only they knew it makes some of us want to run in the opposite direction.
4. Three little letters: TMJ. Some species of snakes can completely unhinge their jaws. I am not one of those snakes.
I know there are women–and men–out there who just can’t get enough of big, bad, super-sized cocks. And more power to you–those men who have them can’t do anything about it, and they shouldn’t be lonely. But I call bullshit on our society’s obsessive need to value size above everything else. All things being equal, I’m much happier with six inches than twelve.
It ain’t the meat it’s the motion
Oh, this is hard without oversharing about someone else, but I will say that a Goldilocks effect applies when meeting new sexual partners. Sometimes too small, sometimes too big, and then–at last–just right.
Trojan Magnums also break a lot. Or so I hear.
I think I’ve been reading the internet too much when I see like, 3 posts a week, minimum, on different blogs on this subject. Big, small, whatever. I’ve never met one I dont appreciate for its own unique idiocyncracies, as I hope all my partners find charm in my very special snowflake of a vagina.
One of my favorite lines from Sex and the City, is when Samantha yells at her boyfriend, “Your dick is too small!” and he yells back “Well maybe your vagina is too big!” And she is taken aback, shocked by the idea.
For what it’s worth, Trojan just came out with a thinner version of the Magnum that is noticeably better.
As I mentioned either here or elsewhere last week, I have actually seen an incredibly large penis BREAK during vigorous sex. I would also submit that that particular penis did not stay as hard as smaller ones I have known. I attributed that to size but am sure experience differs. This is not an argument against larger sized penises generally, and I am not going to lie and say I PREFER small dicks but it sure doesn’t affect how often I come or how much I enjoy the sex. I think a lot of it comes down to anatomy of how each partner sort of fits together to as you are mentioning Becky.
Anyone who feels uncomfortable about his penis size should just go to his nearest (conscious) sex shop and be comforted. The wide variety of sizes and shapes of dildos (god how I wish there was a better word for them, dildo just makes me think of dingo, then I’m thinking of Meryl Streep who I love but, really) are proof positive that it takes all kinds.
I would also like to point out that obsession with size also suggests a preoccupation with P in V sex and an ignorance of sexual aids.
TMI ALERT! my two cents. Agreed re the enormous penii. However I have to say 6 inches is to small for me, with a slightly above average size dick I can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone which means I can get off multiple times. If they’re smaller they just don’t touch whatever the hell they touch in my vaginal canal that allows me to orgasm through penetration alone.
@Kirvin: Magnums have never broken on me, but I certainly know people who have had that problem.
@JDRegent: Totally agree about the whole obsession with P-in-V sex. Although there is also the matter of TMJ, which I didn’t get into here, but which is a serious problem with the larger-dicked guys, as I’m not one of those snakes that can unhinge its jaw.
@FreshPeaches: Really? Do you know if the new, thinner ones are packaged differently or if it’s just an upgrade to the standard version? Frankly, I’ve given up on Magnums and switched to Durex XXL. As a rule, I find Durex to be better than Trojan anyway.
@kithkin: Exactly. You need to find the one that fits you.
When my girlfriends started having sex for the first time (with guys! not with each other), we had a joke. You don’t want a guy with a big penis. You want to find a “starter penis.”
@la sooz: That was a running joke on a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode too. They even had a hand gesture to indicate “big vagina.”
@Spark & la sooz: There’s SO MUCH one could say from a feminist perspective about how a man’s ideal genitals are huge and assertive but a woman’s ideal genitals are teeny-tiny and tight. But it’s fairly obvious, no?
@Becky: A woman’s genitals SHOULD be teeny-tiny and tight. It’s about being conquered by your male partner (maybe Pilgrim Soul should drop by with some Dworkin right now?), but it’s also about being infantilized, I think. What a terrible thing–to grow up, or (gasp!) give birth, and have a vagina larger than a child’s.
There’s also something contradictory about womens beauty supposedly being connected with signs of fertility, but what says “I’m ready to make babies” more than a loose, juicy vagina? And yet it’s all vaginoplasty and vaginal cutting and Kegels.
Mine would be all virginal and pure and teeny if it weren’t stuffed with a Diva Cup right now to collect my dirty, shameful menstrual blood.
@JD: Because fertility isn’t sexy (in our current culture). We should be hairless and small. We should be sexually available but not have sexual desire.
My period came a day early in solidarity with the Diva Cup post. And my longest finger is barely 3″ long–do I get to keep my feminist card even if I never find my cervix? (I mean, I know it’s in there. I think it prefers to be left alone anyway.)
i agree that the “women love big cock” narrative is WAY too embedded in our culture. maybe it’s because i am barely out of my teens and most of the guys i know have grown up watching tons of porn on the internet, but i think it says something that multiple guys i’ve slept with have remarked to me that they thought they were undersize and below average, when in fact the opposite was true. a 6′ or 7′ penis is NOT below average – in fact, that’s on the high end of what is comfortable/tolerable for me – but i’ve encountered more than one dude with serious feeling of inadequacy at that size, and they never seemed to believe me when i replied that sex with a huge penis isn’t pleasurable for most women, even when i explained that it doesn’t make sense physiologically.
My only experience with penii has been with very sizable penii. (Okay, that should be singular and not plural in my case.) Let me just say that the myth of “bigger is better” makes me cross my legs reflexively because it triggers a lot of memories of discomfort. At a certain point, it just begins to feel like you’re in a candid porno because it’s thoroughly absurd.
@JD: LOL! “loose juicy vagina” is the best thing I’ve read in days.
To me, a very big one becomes a liability shortly after the novelty wears off. It’s good for bragging rights, but not so good for sex.
On the other hand, a little extra length opens up the possibility of more positions, and your partner can always take shallower strokes if that’s what you need.
I can’t really say much, given that the Dude occasionally reads this, and I really don’t think either one of us wants the world thinking too concretely about his bidness, but I will venture this: I care neither for Louisville sluggers nor toothpicks, and all is well at Chez Dork.
@BeckySharper: Diva Cup for the win!! Woo!!
As to the other… I’ve had bigger, I’ve had smaller, but as long as I like the man it’s attached to, I always have a good time.
And can I point out that curved, slanty, and/or otherwise wonky penises can be teh awesome? TMI here, but my current beau points to the left and curves up, and the sex is AMAZING. I suppose that an extreme version would make for difficult penetration, but a bit of asymmetry is pretty wonderful.
@PhDork: Mazel tov.
@Kari: Oh yeah, I completely agree. Curved ones are much better than stick-straight ones. There’s a reason G-spot toys are made with a curve. When you can find one like that in real life it’s Heaven!
I’ve always been told I was crazy for saying that, good to know other ladies agree with me on the penis-size debate.
I’ve never had the uh…pleasure? of being with a well-endowed man, but I’ve always said if that if a man should come near me with a huge penis, I’ll tell him to go play with it outside or something because he’s not getting it anywhere near me.
@Dontfearthereefer – when we got together, my partner remarked to me that he had a very small penis. I measured it, a 6 3/4″ inches, he’s hardly tiny! It’s so odd that our society focuses women’s virginity and men’s penises (penii? penises? clitoris? clitorii? how weird are our plurals?)
Bekka, the correct plural of “penis” is “penes” (pronounced pee-nees). Likewise, “clitores.”
The first time I tried to have sex, I was too small to fit him. (And he wasn’t that big–dilators for the win.)
Medium-sized is just fine over here these days, thanks.
Since this is kind of a funny post, I was wondering if this was appropriate?
I’ve always thought it was only because men and men’s pleasure dominate the discourse that penis size(particularly length over girth) is so valued.
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