At least I'm not the only one with a penchant for pointless endeavors. via keso @ flickr
Sometimes I have to shake my head in disbelief at the ads that Gmail shows me when I go to check my inbox. Here is a sampling (with the actual site names redacted):
What Really Attracts Men – 10 Secrets To Attracting Your Man Get Him Hooked for Good! — Where did this come from? Seriously. I don’t remember writing a missive to a friend bemoaning my status as a singleton and wondering why I can’t bewitch a man.
Funny Quote of the Day – James Thurber – “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.” — Hahaha, what a knee-slapper that is! I almost peed myself laughing so hard! Ahem. Funny FAIL.
Women Stand and Pee – Women neatly pee while standing. without dropping your drawers! — Yay, feminism has triumphed! I can now pee while standing!
Tips On How To Kiss – Proven Kiss Tips You Can Use To Make Any Woman Melt — Oh, fuck off.
Tickle Any Womans’ Foot – How to convince Any Woman to let you tickle her feet. — Unless your name is James Franco, you are not getting anywhere near my feet.
Women From Brazil – They Are So Beautiful. Visit Our Site And Make Your Choice Amigo! — NO NO NO
50 Hottest Sci-Fi Women – [site name] Counts Down The 50 Hottest Women — Really? This may be because some of my emails have mentioned my love of Star Wars, but that does not mean I need gratuitous shots of Princess Leia in the gold bikini.
What Makes a Good Wife? – See if you’ve got what it takes to be a Good Wife with this Free Quiz Let me guess — this probably spews BS about patience and deference and countless blow jobs.
Barrack Obama – 1 Minute Poll – Barrack Obama What grade would Barack Obama get? — Could you at least try to spell the President’s name right?
Now, let’s soldier on to the Facebook ads!
Top 3 Mistakes Women Make: The 3 most dangerous mistakes you probably make with men and what to do about it. — So, this will take you to a website called “Hook That Guy!” with this valuable advice:
- How to use powerful emotional “triggers” to practically FORCE a man to fall for you (He’ll know you’re “the one” for him from the first day you meet).
-What the male brain is like and how attraction works for them. [Ed: Maybe they just need to see boobies?]
White Teeth For Christmas – Learn about the secret teeth whitening combination discovered by a mom who finally turned her yellow teeth white. — Guess my Jewish self won’t be getting a new set of pearlie whites from Santa. Bummer.
Dr. Laura LIVE – In Praise of Mom in movie theaters May 5th and 6th. Buy tickets now! — Facebook clearly did not read my post about Dr. Laura’s bullshit book.
My Stretchmarks Cleared! Learn how I cleared my Stretchmarks in just 14 Days! This is accompanied by a lovely picture of a pregnant belly, probably picking up on my earlier status updates that were gestation-related. The message is “OMG PREGNANCY MAKES YOU HUGE SO WE’LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO HELP YOU FORGET YOU EVER LOOKED LIKE THIS!” So here is my response: I like my stretchmarks, asshole. They’re like battle scars. So fuck off.
Who’s Ur Future Husband? – Will one of your friends be your future husband? Just enter your two names and horoscope signs to find out who! — Well, I don’t really have any close guy friends, except my cousin and that’s obviously out of the question. So, all you Harpies (and readers) are on notice: one of you will eventually be my husband. Also, “your” is not a difficult word to spell.
LOL — I also get random ads like yours. The best thing is to laugh at them.
Ooh, pick me!
@DM: Are you asking to be picked as my husband? Because hells yeah!
Wow, every day I find a new reason to be thankful for AdBlocker Plus!
Talk about targeted advertising FAIL. This is why I took not only my relationship status, but also my sex off of facebook. Now I mostly get either gender-neutral or male targeted ads. It was the constant barrage of weight loss ads that got me down. Like, I’m female, so it’s automatically assumed I hate myself or something *eyeroll*
Google and FB are CONVINCED I want/need to get married. I could be looking up tuna recipes and the ad that pops up is, “know where they have great tuna? ON YOUR HAWAIIAN HONEYMOON!” Every FB ad is an engagement ring. Fuck off, google and FB.
Google and FB are CONVINCED I want/need to get married. I could be looking up tuna recipes and the ad that pops up is, “know where they have great tuna? ON YOUR HAWAIIAN HONEYMOON!” Every FB ad is an engagement ring. Fuck off, google and FB.
Sorry… forgot to say great post – can’t wait to read your next one!
@Crabby: So pissed you had to leave two comments? I like it!