Sure, your husband/wife might reconnect with an old flame on facebook and leave you, but they might meet a nice person at the corner store and leave you as well. If we are truly committed to ensuring another person’s happiness, shouldn’t that include things that might make us unhappy? Why does it all have to be so black and white?

I agree that it is insane to expect your SO to give you their password, and vice versa. I don’t mind my SO seeing my e-mail if I’m logged in and he’s around, and same goes for fb. But unlimited access, anywhere, without my knowledge? Not ok. We’re separate people! I think Kivrin is right about, “I think access to too much information can make people paranoid.” It wouldn’t be healthy for me to feel like I need to or should be checking on my SO’s every facebook move. Intimacy isn’t knowing everything about a person, it is wanting to share almost everything with a person.

And I don’t know, don’t you want your SO to retain some mystery? A lot of my e-mail is pretty mundane, and when we were first dating my SO would tell me I was such an “enigma.” Of course I’m not, and we have been together long enough that he doesn’t think that much either, but it was sweet of him to think so and unraveling from enigma to real girl was a pleasure for both of us. If he had unfetted access to my online persona, we’d have lost that.

In regards to the Facebook moms thing, I know lots of moms who do this. I don’t think it’s a bad thing for a few reasons. First, a lot of my Facebook friends are my friends specifically because they want easy access to pics of my kid. My gramma didn’t join Facebook to hear about the movie I saw last night. Second, a lot of moms of young kids use Facebook to connect to each other. Talking about non-kid things is important, but so is talking to other women who are going through exactly what you are right now. Having a picture of your kid as your own profile advertises that you’re a mom and you want to talk about it.

Third, posting cute pictures of your kid is bragging just as much as posting pictures of yourself. Being proud that your kid is the cuter than bunnies and kittens isn’t ignoring your own identity. It’s just admitting that your toddler is cuter than you are. Which he is. Trust me.

Funnyface, I definitely rage against people who see me as only a mom. It was a real problem when I was pregnant, before I quit my job. My coworkers were awful and I wanted to scream at them. But it didn’t take long to find people who wanted to talk about books and TV and politics. And other moms are almost always grateful to be able to talk about both their kids and all that other stuff.