Hi, I'm PhDork, and I've just about had it. Via Tilton Lane @ Flickr.
If you live in the New York area, you’ll know what I mean when I say that my mood recently has been reflected in our weather. If you don’t live around here? Well, it is unseasonably cold, grey, and rainy. And has been, with very little respite, for a couple of weeks.
The weather itself suits me fine; I much prefer it to 80+ temps that turn my brick-walled apartment into a giant pizza oven, but as a disposition? It sucks Ross Douthat. (That’s the worst thing I could imagine, whaddaya think?)
Even if the Washington types weren’t selling out GLBTQ folks and setting up a revised national health care system so that it is guaranteed to fail, and the NY state senate wasn’t doing their best to implode, and Iran wasn’t in a serious crisis, and the economy wasn’t just generally in the shitter, and the media bombards me daily with evidence that I am not a full human, I’d be less than chipper. I’ve taken some professional hits as of late, and I’ve run out my fellowships and have no job prospects, either permanent or temporary, which is causing me stress both financially and with my parents (who simply don’t get that THERE ARE NO JOBS), and which is making me wonder if I was a total simp to think that academia was a fairly staid, dependable career path. (Verdict: I was.)
Cultural narratives tell me that the best pick-me-up for a gal in the dumps is retail therapy: a shopping spree or a makeover, or better yet, both. Being unemployed and seriously opposed to Beauty Culture, that’s not going to work for me. I’ve been unsuccessfully seeking solace in carboliciousness and Netflix, but it’s only the illusion of comfort, and it evaporates as soon as the Triscuits/popcorn/waffles/etc. are gone. Moreover, it doesn’t really do anything for me personally, or the people or causes I believe in.
So, what do I do? How do you get yourself out of the Slough of Despond and back into fighting form? Pull up a chair and tell me your favorite feminist-friendly anti-life-sucks strategies.
P.S. Using the phrase “Girl Powah!” will get you kicked out of the hug circle.
Did you know that it is physically impossible to be depressed while listening to cheesy 80s music? It’s science.
Anyway- I use “fluff” activities like carbs and movies as an initial bandaid on the crapmood, but I know there’s only one thing that’s going to help make it start to feel better- being busy. I give myself a project.
Personally, I like creating stuff. Organizing (your computer, your closet, your bookshelf) works too. Or cleaning, or home improvement, or gardening, if you’re inclined to any of those things. (I’m not!)
It doesn’t have to be anything particularly difficult, although I find tedium can help- tedious things are usually easy things that don’t involve a lot of decisionmaking, decisionmaking is often what stops me from getting things done.
Getting started on doing anything “productive” is still really hard, definitely, but I find that once I do I get lost in the work, and then when I’m done, I can at least tell myself I DID something! And to me, the project-completion high is way better than shopping.
When I went through a shitty depressive spell a few years back, I took up running (which my doc recommended at the same time she refused to renew my Klonopin prescription). It sucked but the suckiness of it gave me something else to hate besides my life. And the whole runner’s high thing is true. I always felt better afterwards and it helped cure the insomnia and loss of appetite that had dogged me. I still run a lot because I think it’s helped keep me sane ever since.
Oh the Slough–I know it well.
I find cooking therapeutic lately, some big yummy project that takes all day. At the end, I feel like I’ve accomplished something. Happy hour with girlfriends always does wonders for me too, though I realize that “drink more” is a poor suggestion for a coping mechanism.
I would say go for a long, hard walk with the headphones blaring music, but it’s ridiculously disgusting out today.
Honestly, I’ve been very depressed the past two weeks and I find that grand strategies never work to get me through it. I have to take solace in little things and just kind of string myself along with simple pleasures until the bigger picture starts to get better. And those pleasures seem REALLY minor (singing in the shower, writing fanfic, looking at pictures of my pups) but even just a momentary brightening of my day is enough at this point.
Retail therapy is bullshit, as is cosmetic therapy. The closest I’ll get to making myself feel better through material things is probably indulging in a latte from Starbucks. Also, I’m similarly unemployed, so I’m not about to drop $250 at Banana Republic.
I also agree on finding a project–part of what helped me maintain my sanity during those six months was making good, cheap food, which extended into making things like breads and pastas from scratch. And it is still therapeutic now–had a frustrating day? Slamming down on a clove of garlic using the side of a knife to free it of its paper is quite helpful, as is spending the time to assemble the mise en place of a dish, like dicing onions, chopping herbs and the like. It became even less about the food than taking pride in developing new skills, and it gave me something to talk about when I hung out with our friends, as well as making them delicious food.
I seem to get a lot of satisfaction out of fighting with people about radical feminism on the internet!
I mostly spend a lot of time watching movies and reading frivolous books. Narrative is my salve and my escape from everything. It makes me feel like I am living someone else’s life for awhile, until I am ready to return to my own.
Spark– I’m with you. I cook or bake when I need to get my mind somewhere else. Also, all day marathons of shitty tv.
Running. Or given the horrible weather today, yoga or a non-obnoxious exercise DVD. If neither of those things is available, I recommend an elaborate baking project — engrossing, challenging, and with delicious edible results. Or organization helps. I am not the neatest person in the world, which sucks for me because I’ve found that I’m much less anxious and more upbeat when my house is clean and neat.
Also, is there anything you’ve been putting off that you really need to do? Things like having a conversation with your landlord about your need to move out, or telling your mom that you’ve left her church, or filling out boring government paperwork? Because I am a serial procrastinator, I always have something like that hanging over my head. It makes me depressed and nothing but getting it over with makes it better.
Or, just get out of the house. Being an unemployed person as well, it’s too easy for me to sit on the couch with my laptop all day. Rain + no money + pretending you’re Cary Grant in Rear Window = horrible depression. Sitting in my nearest cafe (love you Aubergine!) and working on something makes me feel like part of the world and therefore less depressed.
For me, the best thing I can do when I’m depressed is to get together with a good friend and talk. A drink or two also often helps lift the mood. The hard part about this is that feeling depressed and crappy makes me want to avoid people and hide at home, so I have to overcome my inertia in order to get out the door.
This is from more of a professional perspective–I was able to claw my way into a postdoc, but my friend who was not so fortunate is applying to teach community college and other local college courses. Even if you want to go into research eventually, it’ll bring in (a little bit of) money and teaching experience isn’t going to hurt you. Also, maybe you can look at this as a time to do things you’ve been putting off, like fixing up your dissertation for publication. That will help you get a job when jobs start to come back again.
I don’t know what field you’re in or I’d have more ideas.
Agreed with BeckySharper, SOALG, and have.at.it. Whatever form of exercise works for you (it may not be running). The endorphins are hard to turn down.
Also, cooking and sex.
If you can, volunteer. Especially someplace where you come into contact with other people who have it far worse than you. It will make you glad that you’re not in their situation, but it will also help remind you that if someone in a worse situation than you can be happy, you can too. On top of that, you will be doing something out of the house (as have.at.it suggested), something that will make you feel like you are making a difference, and may either improve your resume or help you make contacts within the organization that can help you find a job. It’s really the only non-temporary pick-me-up I can think of.
Hi, I think I am in your club. Out of the 40-50 assistant professor job applications I sent out, more than half got rescinded due to “budgetary considerations” and the other half got to have their pick from Harvard and Yale graduates, so didn’t even bother with rejection letters. No more teaching jobs or fellowships are being offered at my home university either, the select few positions being reserved for newer grad assistants. I feel like an idiot for choosing academia these days, especially since I also feel like years in grad school have left me with “no practical skills, no business sense, no wealth and unfit for physical labour” (Source: PhD Comics).
These days I read a ton of Jennifer Crusie and Juia Quinn romance novels, and I read poems by Nikki Giovanni. I blast music on my head-phones, and dance to David Bowie in my locked bedroom. I’ve been watching a lot of Dr. Who and Battlestar Galactica. I go running every other day, or at least power walk for an hour. I cook. A lot. I pretend that I am on vacation. I occasionally spend my weekends in New York city taking tango or salsa crash courses.
These activities don’t take away the pain, but numbs it down a bit.
I do avoid drinking by myself, watching sappy emotionally exploitive shows like Grey’s Anatomy and talking at length with my mother.
Plant a garden. I have some tomatoes and peppers that are going gangbusters after all this rain. It’s kind of late for veggies, but check out what kind of flowers they have at the store.
Never underestimate the therapeutic power of digging in the dirt and making a mess.
If you have or can afford a gym membership, I personally get a great endorphin high off of lifting weights. Not the little girly ones, Heavy weights, lots of them, fast enough to get pumped and out of breath. Better than runner’s high, for me, and easier on the joints. Great tips for starting and supportive discussion for buff chix can be found at http://www.stumptuous.com/ . Not to mention it’s a great way to burn off aggression and feel good about your body.
I second the volunteering, and will add that it doesn’t need to be with people, if you’re not in a people mood. Take it upon yourself to clean up the park down the street, or, hell, clean up the street. (though I suppose this is less enticing if you have crappy weather.) Or, yes, bake your heart out…. and then set up a free cookie stand on the corner. Making someone else’s day does a lot to improve one’s own!
I realize this suggestion is predictable, coming from me, but volunteer at an animal shelter. Like everyone else, they are going through really tough financial times and more people are giving up pets due to the economy.
I second BearDownCBears and was going to suggest growing things myself. No garden required – I’m currently getting very very excited at the end of every work day at coming home and seeing how much further my nasturtiums, basil and rocket in flower boxes have grown during the day. It’s my first try at growing from seed and it really really is making me grin to see things growww because I look after them.
I have inevitable recurring sadtimes and I’m constantly reminding myself that to make sure the gloomy times stay away I HAVE to cook, exercise, eat, see people I like, hang out in the sun, read fiction, listen to music, make things, & c., instead of giving in to the temptation to lie around wasting away.
Also, volunteering does not always have to be what you would typically think of. I find just offering to cook dinner for a group of friends or neighbors who are having a busy week brings on some positive vibes.
I’m also a list and schedule person. So feeling like I have things to do (on a list) is very important to getting me motivated to not lay around in my PJs watching bad tv and eating whatever snack food is around.
projects always help get me up, whether it be crafty crocheting or sewing, finishing a book i’ve been reading for ages, etc.
i found that getting myself into a routine helps as well – getting up early every morning (between 7-9) and exercising while meditating on my mood, what could be causing it, how to fix it, and what i want to accomplish that day (both physically and emotionally) works better than anything. it makes me accountable to myself, and helps me listen more closely to my body and what it’s trying to tell me.
Here here to the volunteer idea! My weekly trip to the kitty shelter gives me so much in return. Running and yoga are great for me too. I have found that commiserating with others is nice for a while, but in the end it becomes the cliche about worrying and a rocking chair. Cooking is great as well, though sometimes it feeds into my emotional eating issues (which certainly doesn’t apply to everyone). A while back I made a shit-ton of cookies, then walked a giant plate of them over to the local fire department. Time-suck and good deed in one shot. Also, when I feel like I can’t control things and I want focus that energy into something constructive I will rearrange furniture in my apartment. Sometimes a new physical perspective can provide a new mental one. Hope you find some good ideas from all these comments!
I have a three pronged attack:
1) Do something I can succeed at. The unemploymennt/job search world is getting me down because of the constant rejection/failure. So I look for something I can do, that won’t take too much time, that I’m sure to accomplish.
2) Exercise.
3). Video games. Killing random electrons makes me feel much better, probably because of (1) actually.
If you’re at all an animal person, I’d suggest volunteering at your local animal shelter. If it weren’t free, I might pay to make out with the kitties and puppies all day.
Thanks, everyone, for all the suggestions. I”ve actually been trying a lot of them, but in a pretty slap-dash fashion.
spicyplum: You’re speaking my language. My sad, life-hating language. (That quote is painfully funny.) Except there weren’t 40-50 jobs. Maybe 10. I was offered two non-teaching, PT positions for the fall, both of which are grant-dependent, and one of which has already fallen through. I’m sending out my CV to all the CCs around, but nobody will be hiring until August, once they get their enrollment numbers pinned down, and it’s not looking terribly promising. Everyone is battening down the hatches. The really crazy-making part about all this hustling is that I’m almost certain that nothing will come of it.
So yeah, the domestic arts rise to the occasion. Funnily enough, when I got up this morning at 5 am (3 full hours before I usually rise…wtf?), I decided to make a couple loaves of bread, and then cleaned the kitchen. I’m also contemplating a simple vegan chocolate cake. Or pizza from scratch. Or maybe those yogurt-dill biscuits PSoul demanded of me a while back. (carbs and cooking!). I have at least half an assload of basil, so maybe I should make pesto, too.
My growies are looking a little peaky from lack of sunlight, BearDown, but I do enjoy checking in on them. I can see the tiniest buds that might one day be red peppers, and I’m determined to get the gardenia to flower again. Having something to take care of, knowing that you’re doing something with real effects/results is a big help.
Which is why, SMC and Marigold, I totally need to get off my duff and go walk some dogs or snuggle some fluffies at the shelter we adopted 2 of our cats from. Thanks for the push.
I did yoga 6 days of 7 last week, at this great place in my nabe, and that does seem to help some, but it can get a bit $$$. (Although its probably cheaper than therapy.) I’ve yet to find a dvd that doesn’t make me wanna vomit with its pan-flute soundtrack and soft focus beach photography. Do they make yoga podcasts? I know the standard asanas and progressions pretty well, but I need the verbal guidance and side-coaching.
In any case, you are so right about the need to get out the house–despite the stupid, contrary urge you get to withdraw, withdraw, withdraw. What’s up with that?
But since today is sucktacular outside, I’ve resorted to a bath and book from BeckySharper. Little pleasures, s.o.a.l.g., little pleasures. This afternoon I’m planning on sewing a bag for my yoga mat, even though there’s something wrong w/ my machine and the “customer support” line is anything but supportive. I’m about ready to staple that mammajamma together.
have.at.it, this: “Rain + no money + pretending you’re Cary Grant in Rear Window = horrible depression.” is dead on.
Hugz, y’all.
I JUST read an article in this month’s yoga journal about some great podcasts, many for free! I do not like DVDs either, so I usually tend to throw some sun salutations together in my living room alone. Check here and see if anything floats your boat, and if you can’t find the new issue at a bookstore, a quick Google search might give you some free podcasts to try out.
http://www.yogajournal.com/podcast/
Somewhat off-topic, I don’t suppose I could get that “simple vegan chocolate cake” recipe from you?
Brilliant, Marigold! Those might be just the ticket. In gratitude, I offer you (and everyone else) cake!
In a biggish bowl, combine:
1/3 C cocoa powder
1-1/2 C flour
1 C sugar
1/2 t salt
1 t baking soda
In a second, less biggish bowl:
1 C coffee (or water, but coffee is better)
1/2 cup oil
2 t vanilla
2 T vinegar (I use ACV)
Pour the contents of the second bowl into the first bowl, and mix well. There will be foaming. This is good. I usually pour this into a prepared 8×8 pan, but you could do rounds, cupcakes, whatever. Bake in a 375 oven for 25-30 minutes (or whatever suits the type of pan you’ve chosen). Cool in the pan as long as you can stand it, cut, snack. Frost (I suggest Chocolate Mousse Frosting from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World!), dust w/ powdered sugar, spread melted jam on top, or leave it as is.
You can also substitute a liqueur (kahlua, amaretto, kirsch) in for about 1/4 of the coffee/water. Whatever tastes good to you. If you’re lazy like me, you can mix all the ingredients except the ACV together just until blended, then add the vinegar and finish stirring. One bowl!
PHd: I second all the exercise proponents. Also if you start running you can reward yourself by planning a fun trip around a race.
Yes! I was going to say Yoga Podcasts as well, they’re a money saver and still help me concentrate through a nice programme of yoga in the evenings.
Exercise and video games, for me. Also, holy crap, the girl from San Diego (me) is NOT liking this weather here. I’m from a freakin’ desert; I do not like this deluge thing y’all got going on here. Almost didn’t drag my ass uptown for class today.
Marigold, thank you for that link! What a great idea. I had an injury a while back and had to stop practicing, and for a multitude of boring reasons can’t get back to the studio, but I desperately need yoga in my life again.
I haven’t tried any yet, but yogatoday.com has also been recommended for free yoga videos.
I laid off for the 2nd time this year about a month ago. I’m also having a hell of a time finding a new job. Like other have said I’ve tried to do something productive, something where I can succeed (because job hunting has been FAIL). I decided I needed better my practical education. I have a degree in Theater and English but never learned computer skills beyond word processing to write academic papers. I’ve been spending this week learning Excell, Powerpoint and Publisher. I feel better about myself and more confident about applying for jobs I wouldn’t have before.
What everyone else said + some silly things that help me when I’m in a funk:
Spooning with a friend while watching a movie can be really therapeutic, sometimes I just need some human comfort
- iTunes University has great free podcasts to download, sometimes I even take notes while I listen because it makes me feel productive and my brain feels good.
- America’s Funniest Home Videos – I know, I know, totally low brow and dumb, but it makes me laugh and gets my mind of stuff, especially if you have tivo you can fast forward through the annoying host bits
- cuddling (if you’re in to that
And if all these suggestions fail, you can just get one of the Harpys to help you inject seratonin directly into your brain twice a day with an old-timey syringe. Not that hollistic, I know, but you won’t even need coffee in the morning!
I would prefer a seratonin-dopamine cocktail, BearDown. But derinitely in an olde-timey syringe.
And after a little probing, I found that there are actually a LOT of free yoga podcasts (and other things, workout-y and not, as anni noted) available on iTunes (both video and audio-only), from Yoga Journal and other sources. The internet is magic. And cuddling gets a big thumbs up.
I’m feeling your pain, yosafbridge. Both in the “impractical humanities degree/s” and the “job hunting FAIL” categories, and it just sucks the wind right out of your sails, esp. if you’re overly self-identified with your work (as I am; Bad Idea Jeans).
Again, thanks to everyone for all the suggestions. I should bake you all something fabulous.
Apparently, there’s this amazing yoga podcast from some yoga place in NYC that’s free. I’ll have to get the link for you…