At least I'm not the only one with a penchant for pointless endeavors. via keso @ flickr
Maybe all the rain on the east coast has waterlogged our brains, but we’ve spent a lot of time saying “buwhaaaa?” to the latest search terms that Google has used to steer people our way. See what you think…
The Tinkerbell that flies overhead during Disneyland’s fireworks show is typically played by a man – Are you asking me, or telling me?
barbie goes crazy – Now this is a movie I would pay to see.
a tortoise fucking women – Just when you think you’ve heard it all…
where would a harpy most likely be found on a school campus? –We’re fond of the library, ourselves.
never date a feminist – Don’t worry, we don’t want to date you either.
what is my birth year if i’m 22 years old – Really? Wow.
How to have a bigger dick – Can’t help you with that one, sorry.
what you want to do do you want to fight – Is this a question? Two separate questions? Bueller?
boys named sarah – Hey, why not?
misogyny save the tatas – Related: Google save idiots.
fuck this, I am so fucking tired–Man, we have those days too…
obama women girls is sexist – Random Googler typer user is random.
acronym soalg – sarah.of.a.lesser.god kindly requests that you remember the periods between each letter
was bea arthur born male or female? – She was born awesome. (And female.)
friend suddenly becomes a strident lesbian – You know, we’ve never heard of someone being a “strident” straight person. Interesting how that works, huh?
straight men doing gay things – What, pray tell, are “gay things”? No wait, I don’t want to know what this idiot’s answer is to that.
blow up doll feeling – I don’t think they feel anything, given that they’re inanimate objects. But keep trying to bring them to orgasm nonetheless!
why feminists are scary–BOO!
free lifetime pass anal sex — No, we don’t offer those here, for ANY kind of sex.
what to eat to make your vagina even wetter – I don’t think it works that way…
being yourself scares men–You mean that men are scared to be themselves, or they’re scared of us when we’re being ourselves? Either way: YES. We blame the Patriarchy.
Helen Fisher Pornography increases dopamine levels – But what does Stephen Jay Gould pornography do?
PICS OF GIRLS PULLING TAMPAX OUT OF FANNY –Even though I know that “fanny” means “vadge” in the UK, that’s kinda gross. I mean, there’s nothing inherently WRONG with tampax or fannies…but as a fetish? Yuck.
Also: nothing ruins your day quite like seeing pedophile search terms. We will spare our dear readers from them, but they really do burn our retinae.
And finally, we have some glorious epic trollery to share with you:
DAVID LETTERMAN’S HATE, etc. !
Speaking of anti-Semitism, it’s Jerry Falwell and other fundy leaders who’ve gleefully predicted that in the future EVERY nation will be against Israel (an international first?) and that TWO-THIRDS of all Jews will be killed, right?Wrong! It’s the ancient Jewish prophet Zechariah who predicted all this in the 13th and 14th chapters of his book! The last prophet, Malachi, explains the reason for this future Holocaust that’ll outdo even Hitler’s by stating that “Judah hath dealt treacherously” and “the Lord will cut off the man that doeth this” and asks “Why do we deal treacherously every man against his brother?”[just saw the above web bit - (name redacted by Harpies)]
Haven’t evangelicals generally been the best friends of Israel and Jewish persons? Then please explain the recent filthy, hate-filled, back-stabbing tirades by David Letterman (and Sandra Bernhard) against a leading evangelical named Sarah Palin, and explain why most Jewish leaders have seemingly condoned Palin’s continuing “crucifixion”!
While David and Sandra are tragically turning comedy into tragedy, they are also helping to speed up and fulfill the Final Holocaust a la Zechariah and Malachi, thus helping to make the Bible even more believable!
I never knew I could get heartburn just by reading something! Suddenly R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World As We Know It” is playing in my mind.
P.S. Extra-special luv to the haters sending so much traffic our way.
My fav is “what is my birth year if i’m 22 years old”… I LOL inside my library for 5 minutes.
As a former Disneyland employee, I can confirm that Tinkerbell is usually a woman. In my day, she was this rocking former acrobat in her 60s.
How do you find out what search terms bring people to your site?
@ceejee: There’s a search term feature on the “statpress” part of WordPress.
I cannot get enough of that troll poetry. My head is spinning so much that I fear it’s going to pop off.
God save the Queen! Misogyny save the tatas!
The misogyny save the tatas search is actually a pretty good one, I think. A googler out there must have felt there was something misogynistic about jokey-named breast cancer t-shirts, bumper stickers, and accessories, but didn’t know quite what.
If you are that googler, still on your quest, I recommend Barbara Ehrenreich’s essay “Welcome to Cancerland.”
What do you mean no strident straight people…? I know lots ;p
I thought the deal was that Peter Pan typically used to be played onstage by a woman…