Ah yes, another day, another GOP hypocrite who wants to preach the sanctity of marriage in public, and fuck around in private. “Do as I say, not as I do” might be the official motto of Republican “family values” candidates these days.
Today Mark Sanford, the married Republican governor of South Carolina, announced–after having a bit of a “lost weekend” earlier this week–that he was not hiking the Appalachian trail as previously explained, but was instead getting some dulce de leche from a girlfriend in Argentina with whom he’s been having an affair for more than a year. (Side note: did he think no one would notice that he was in another hemisphere? SRSLY?)
Yes, folks, another self-appointed defender of America’s morals bites the dust. As I said last week, the only thing I hate worse than a misogynist is a hypocrite, and thanks to the husbands of the GOP, I’ve been enjoying a tall, cold glass of haterade.
Now, here in the big blue tri-state area, we’re no strangers to sex scandals, from “Client Number 9” Eliot Spitzer and “gay American” Jim McGreevey to Rudy Giuliani, who claimed during his divorce that he wasn’t actually committing adultery because prostate surgery had made it impossible for him to get it up with mistress Judi Nathan. Hell, current governor David Patterson even held a press conference right after he took office to pre-emptively announce that he’d cheated on his wife–y’know, so we could just get it out of the way and move on.
Those men betrayed their wives and ignored whatever vestigial morality they might have left after years in the New York area political machine. But they had not appointed themselves guardians of American virtue the way their Republican counterparts have.
When Senator John Ensign (R-NV), admitted this month that he’d had an affair with a married staffer (who he, ever the gentleman, later fired), our pals at Queerty noted:
In 2004, Ensign published a release titled “ENSIGN DEFENDS SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE ON SENATE FLOOR,” where he “took to the floor of the United States Senate today to defend the sanctity of marriage and urge passage of the Federal Marriage Amendment Act.” He told fellow senators, “Marriage is the cornerstone on which our society was founded. For those who say that the Constitution is so sacred that we cannot or should not adopt the Federal Marriage Amendment, I would simply point out that marriage, and the sanctity of that institution, predates the American Constitution and the founding of our nation. Marriage, as a social institution, predates every other institution on which ordered society in America has relied. […] It is not right to mold marriage to fit the desires of a few, against the wishes of so many, and to ignore the important role of marriage.”
Right on! Don’t ignore the important role of marriage! Maybe someone should pass a federal law requiring you to keep your penis out of other women’s vaginas, huh?
Ensign feels so strongly about the sanctity of other people’s marriages that he wanted his fellow gay-bashing hypocrite Larry “Wide Stance” Craig (R-ID) to resign from the Senate after Craig’s own sex scandal, although I suspect that was because Larry might haz teh geigh. If Craig had been cruising in the ladies’ room of the Minneapolis airport, maybe Ensign would have been okay with him keeping his Senate seat.
Larry Craig, of course, co-sponsored of a federal anti-gay marriage amendment with Senator David Vitter (R-LA) who actively campaigned against “sexual perversion”, lambasting the “Hollywood left” and “Massachusetts values” of Democrats and gay rights advocates. Of course, we now know that while protecting the sanctity of marriage, the married Senator Vitter was a client of Deborah Jean Palfrey, the DC Madam, and enjoyed wearing diapers and being spanked by Palfrey’s professionals.
Which brings me to the question: are there any family values-promoting, Jesus-loving, gay-bashing, sanctity-of-marriage-upholding Republicans left who AREN’T cheating on their wives? And if so, please turn out the lights before you head off to the brothel or bathhouse or swing club. Thanks.