via hannah.aviva @ flickr
Birthdays prompt introspection. And, sometimes, a dollop of regret. At least, that’s been the way of things for years, all throughout my twenties. Yes, I realize that turning 28 today is not a fundamental change in my life. Yes, 28 is still very young. Yes, I am grateful that I’ve even reached age 28 when there have been a few times when it looked like I wouldn’t make it this far. (Thanks, heart defect. Thanks, anorexia.) So I have mixed feelings about today.
I spent a few weeks dreading the day, more because I can’t help but compare myself to my friends and family members of a similar age who have achieved more than I: a college degree, a stable relationship, a steady career path. But self-pity gets me nowhere, so I’ll take the advice of Monty Python and try to always look on the bright side of life — or at least do so for today. In that spirit, I humbly present 28 things I’ve learned:
1. Having a huge scar from open heart surgery doesn’t mean you’re deformed or defective. It means you’re a survivor.
2. Weighing yourself 16 times a day is not a measure of self-worth but one of self-doubt and self-loathing.
3. Puns will win you friends. In moderation.
4. A certain Scottish actor can make your day year by looking good in glitter.
5. Harpies make awesome friends.
6. Shaving your head is incredibly liberating.
7. Wearing flat shoes is perfectly fine, even especially if it means you’ll stay under five feet tall.
8. Getting drunk may increase your tendency to snort while laughing.
9. Retail therapy is ultimately vacuous.
10. Pants are overrated.
11. Singledom is underrated.
12. 4 cups of coffee a day is not too much. 6 cups is pushing it.
13. Indulging in fanfic writing is a good way to get over writer’s block.
14. Do not sit near an aquarium at a Chinese restaurant if you are afraid of goldfish. The tiny orange fuckers will torment you for the entirety of your meal.
15. Detergent is not pronounced “detergerent”.
16. It’s totally okay to listen to Christmas music in July. Even if you’re an atheist.
17. It’s totally okay to blink back tears at the end of The Lord of the Rings film trilogy, even if you’ve seen it fifty times.
18. Happiness is a warm puppy.
19. It’s not a bad thing to flip your mom the bird when she insists you absolutely must wear lipstick every time you go to dinner.
20. If a guy stops hitting on you once he learns you’re not under 18, you just dodged a major bullet.
21. Being 15-years-old is no guarantee that you will not be threatened with sexual assault by drunken Red Sox fans if you happen to root for the Yankees at Fenway Park.
22. Celebrities are always shorter in person. Unless it’s Tom Selleck.
23. Don’t fall in love with a boy named Ralph.
24. You are never as cool as you think you are. You are never as uncool as you think you are. And there is a lot to be said for embracing your inner nerd/geek.
25. There is an appropriate Simpsons quote for every occasion.
26. Do not pick on your little sister once she is big enough to kick your ass with a wiffle bat.
27. A pitcher’s ERA is calculated by dividing the number of earned runs allowed by the number of innings pitched, and then multiplying by nine.
28. You are always stronger than you think you are.
happy (belated?) birthday! I want to do #6!
Excellent list! Happy Day to you!
What’s the point in wearing lipstick to dinner? Isn’t is going to come off anyway? (Clearly, I don’t own any, but I’m guessing.)
Happy birthday again!
Happy Birthday and congrats on having the courage to make a list. I’s especially partial to numbers 1, 2, 6 and 28!
fantastic list! esp. about the fish tanks.
Happy Birthday, and excellent list, indeed! I’m going to be 46 on my next birthday, but I don’t know if I’ve learned 46 things . . .
Happy Birthday and great list. I too know the pain of number 21…damned drunk red sox fans!
Happy happy happy!!!
I love every item on your list, and I want to internet-high-five you on Nos. 8, 10, 13, 16, and 25.
I wish you many years filled with strength, grace, self-discovery. Remember, everything you’ve been through has made you what you are, and what you are is awesome even when you feel vulnerable. I’ll raise a glass to you today.
Happy birthday! And word on #’s 6 and 12. And # 26 made me chortle.
Thanks all! This list was actually kind of hard to compose and to keep the balance between light and heavy. And yeah, I know the gratuitous link to a pic of a glittery Scottish actor is a bit much, but if there’s one day of the year I get to be shameless…
Happy birthday! It is definitely okay to blink back tears at the end of LotR. Hell, I sobbed through 2/3 of RotK when I saw it in theaters.
We promise there will be no fishtank at your birthday dinner! And I will remove my goldfish shower curtain if you come over on Sun!
Now I’m going to stare at that glitter photo for a while….
Happy Birthday Sarah! There is most definitely no fixed yardstick by which to measure ourselves in life. The beautiful thing about birthdays is that “just” surviving is reason enough to celebrate. Hope you have the wonderful day you deserve.
Happy birthday to you–it was an excellent day to be born, as I recall! I’ve suddenly discovered that I share a birthday with far more awesome people than I previously knew.
Happy Birthday!
And nom nom, in regards to the puppy.
As somebody who, as a kid, has helped his dad move many a piece of furniture (or at least made an attempt), I’m pretty sure #28 reverses over time.
Oh yeah, happy birfday! Don’t get any frosting on your birfday suit.
Pants are SO overrated.
Harpy Birthday, my pretty one. Looking forward to dinner tonight!
HAppy Birthday Sarah!!!! My 28th is tomorrow!
Also I’m with you on the fishtank, creepy bastards
Happy birthday, Sarah! I loved your list, and I love your puppy! Can I borrow him?
I’m going to go stare at the glittery Scot now…
Oh, and I’m totally with you on #28. The things you can do, or survive is always a reason to celebrate/congratulate yourself on being your fabulous self!
@AuntieEm: An early happy birthday to you!!!
@MissPinot: My puppeh Lola is a giving, loving soul who would love to be dognapped if it means she can play diva/mama to someone else.
Loved the list and share a brithday with you but not your age. I am pondering my list at age 55 (the speed limit here)….
happy birthday to you. I liked the list, I have four months to think of 36 things, oh joy.
@CTKnitter: Happy happy birthday!
Happy happy birthday! With you totally on #25 and 28.
Happy birthday!
I’m not afraid of goldfish, but I wouldn’t want them staring at me while I’m eating either. Especially the big ones.
Happy, happy, happy birthday!
(Harpy birthday too.)
The list is inspiring. I love it.
Mazal tov! As one of the more senior posters here (also 55), I can tell you that the 30′s are better than the 20′s, and the 40′s are better than the 30′s! When I’m done with the 50′s I’ll let you know about those.
What kind of fanfic do you write?
I still get teary at the end of LOTR too. And every time Viggo is on the screen. Well, maybe not teary, exactly.
Have some extra dessert for me!
Ha! #23 made me laugh…how I learned that one the hard way!
And, really, a Yankee fan in Red Sox Nation! daring!
@S.O.A.L.G:
Okay, then Lola is officially dog napped! I love diva pooches!
Happy birthday, Sarah! I love your list. 28 is good. I turned 25 a couple weeks ago and was debating a cliche quarter-life crisis or something. But while I haven’t done a lot of things I want to do, I am still here. I finished college, I live on my own, I have two cats, including one named Lola. It’ll be all right.