Purty. Via srsalme @ Flickr.
What, that doesn’t sound fun?
The last time I got my hair cut, I realized that, at 34, I have my first grey hair. Hairs, rather. Two of them. Right on my hairline, just about an inch to the left of my widow’s peak. And they’re not actually grey, they’re silvery white.
And they’re awesome. Barely noticeable, but awesome. In the last few weeks, I’ve been keeping an eye on them, wondering when they’ll be joined by more. I’m really really hoping for an beautiful white streak, like Susan Sontag, Bonnie Raitt, or the Bride of Frankenstein. ”Pied Beauty,” as Hopkins called it. It probably won’t happen, and it’s far more likely that I’ll just start getting random wiry greys that kill the elegant image I have in my head, but still, it’s something about the aging process I’m kind of quietly excited about.
Which got me thinking about aging, and how it is reputedly devastating to women, since of course culture tells us that our shelf-life is barely more than that of a banana. (How old is “old” now?) I don’t doubt it has its challenges, because aging means changing, and changing always brings challenges, but devastating? A life-threatening illness is devastating. The loss of a loved one is devastating. Not being able to get work–despite the fact that you’re more than qualified but the poor economy and the shift in university hiring practices are preventing you from doing what you love and are trained to do so you’re facing penury and a life of jobs that require you to wear a paper hat–is devastating. (Ahem.) Aging? Not so bad, really.
So I was thinking about aging, and my beautiful silvery twins, and wondering what others are looking forward to about getting older. I know we have readers from their 20s through their 50s, at least, so I’m very curious to see what sort of range of responses this elicits. It can be shallow or profound; physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, sexual, anything.
So: What are you looking forward to as the months and years pass? And/or, what about getting older has been a pleasant surprise to you?
Two things:
1) Having a long, grey braid. My hair was ~3 ft. long for all of middle and high school, and I decided a couple of years ago that it was time to chop it off. I love the way my hair is now, but I definitely want to grow it back later in my life.
2) Having cats. I’m sure all of you have heard before about how my least favorite part of dorm life is the lack of cats. This is more immediate; after my upcoming last year of undergrad, I will be in a position to rent an apartment near whichever grad school I end up attending, and that means kitties!
The older I get, the less I care what people think of me. Not in a “I don’t care what anyone thinks, I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do (but secretly I really hope everyone thinks I’m awesome/cool)” way, but seriously, I don’t care. Mostly, anyways. It’s freeing, and such a relief. You know how it is when you’re a teenager and you’re shocked/appalled/horrified/embarrassed by what some adult is doing/saying/wearing and you think, “If that was me I’d just die of embarrassment. When I’m old I will NEVER ^fill-in-the-blank^, I’ll still be cool!”. Now, I couldn’t possibly care less what any teenager thinks of me. Or college-age adults. Or most everyone. And I’m pretty sure this trend will continue the older I get.
I’m excited about your silver threads! The women in my family go snow white with age and I think it looks awesome.
Aging has been GREAT for me, emotionally. I just don’t get worried/stressed about things the way I used to. I remember when I was in my 20s and I would get teary/panicky/nauseated over so many things. Not anymore. I don’t know if it’s experience or hormones or what, but 99% of the time I can just take a deep breath, distract myself, and I’m good to go. And I’m hoping the trend will continue and I’ll be as sage and Zen as Mr. Miyagi when I hit middle age.
I appreciate that I seem to be losing my baby face, or maybe I’ve just developed better bitch-face over the years, because the calls for “Smile, honey!” or “Are you sure you’re old enough to be in this bar? *Wink wink*” have mostly stopped.
I envy those of you with the grey hairs — because I mainly just seem to be losing mine! I’ll take the grey if it’ll just stay on my darn head.
my sister has had a gorgeous silver streak since her very early twenties and i was always very jealous of that- it just looked so cool and on purpose! now as she edges ever closer to 40, it is hard to tell where the streak was, because there is a lot of other grey around it! she is wondering if she should cave and color her hair, because she feels that it really makes her feel old to look in a mirror.
i didn’t have much grey until recently (i’m 37), but i also did alot of coloring, “just for fun, not to cover the grey” . i decided to let it all grow out and be natural, and sure enough, there is a ton of grey there. but i like it. it is like i have chosen to color it that, just like i used to choose red, or black. now it is grey. my mother has beautiful all white hair, cut short in a spiky crew cut and she looks amazing. i can only hope that that happens to me!!!
My dad seems to derive much joy from regular, unhindered bowel activity. If that’s par for the course, it appears to be a low enough bar for me to clear.
As for pleasant surprises, not dreading looking in the mirror in the morning if I forgot to wash/scour my face the previous night. Also, childhood epilepsy sucked, so good riddance to that. I guess my brain worked all the major wrinkles out over time, kind of like hanging up a shirt.
Becoming more comfortable with myself with each passing year. I am less apt to make choices based on what I think I should be doing; instead I do what feels right for me. As I’ve gotten older, it’s become much easier to focus on and appreciate all the things I have rather than perseverating on all the things that someone else has that I don’t. I don’t idealize other peoples’ lives at the expense of my own the way I did too often in my 20s. I also find that as I get older, I am better able to find the joy and beauty in unexpected places and experiences. And I have a whole new appreciation for people who are true to themselves, even if that means they chaff against society’s conventions. To wit, right after M. Jackson died, I crossed paths with a man who was plugged into his iPod, singing along to Billie Jean. He was completely out of tune, but nevertheless singing loudly and proudly as he shimmied and danced his way down the sidewalk. It’s ridiculous, but there was a time when I might have been embarrassed for him. Now? He brought I huge smile to my face. Be yourself, be joyful, and fuck what anyone else thinks about it!
I like my grey hairs too although they remain sporadic to my disappointment – I also always wanted a streak.
As to getting older I find that in my late 30s I am much more at ease with my self and happier plus I actually enjoy my work at the moment for the first time in years. I also have no regrets about having given up most of my bad habits from my 20s and early 30s, which while fun were never quite as much fun as they seemed.
I’m a little obsessed by hair dye. You can make the “skunk stripe” happen with some creative chemicals.
I started getting grey hair in college, and at 28 those little suckers have begun a full-scale assault on my head. And not little wispy ones, I have full length (8-10 inches) bastards all over my head. I’ve given up on my “pluck the fuckers” regimen since I can no longer keep up. My mom went grey very early and never wanted to dye her hair, which I totally respect. I can’t make peace with it yet for any number of obvious reasons. And I cannot justify dying my hair both out of hatred for societal pressure and the giant/constant waste of money it entails. Maybe one day the “brown bag over your head” look will finally be in. Kudos to you, I hope I love it like you do very soon. /rant over
I look forward to caring less about what people think, coming into my own and accepting who I am as MORE than good enough. I can’t wait to accept as my parents do that my job is secondary to the rest of my life, not my life revolving around work. I do appreciate the fact that I still get carded at most restaurants when I order a drink, and I will ignore the fact that it just might be the lighting.
This will sound really melancholy, but I’m hoping there is truth in “time heals all wounds”. I carry a lot of grief that is slowly easing, but it’s taking a LONG time.
Also, I look forward being taken more seriously. And most of this is probably in my head, because I still think of myself as I was ten years ago. But I can’t help thinking that people see me as a pretty young girl rather than a competent, intelligent woman. I constantly try to “prove” how competent I am, and see any slight mistake on my part as a terrible setback.
At 22, I’m really hoping that age will get rid of the acne. I can live with the oily skin, especially since it means fewer wrinkles as I age (my mom and grandmother are living proof of that), but I’m sick of the pimples!
I would also love to go prematurely grey, if only for the combination of a still-youthful face and grey hair. I know I have at least one grey hair right now. But I don’t think it’s very likely; my dad still only has a scattering of grey at 49, and while my mom only stopped dyeing her hair a few months ago, she’s pretty salt-and-pepper. My dad does have a greater proliferation of greys at the front of his scalp, so I can hope to take after him that way, as I have so many other ways!
HA! I just turned 23 and I’ve got a ton of ‘em. They rock!!
I have pink hair, so I am looking forward to my hair turning white – easier to dye crazy colours! I would rather have grey hair than dyed “naturally coloured” hair though.
I am only 21, but I think about how much I have grown and matured in the past five years, and it makes me excited to wonder what sort of person I may be in 5, 10, 30 years.
I’m 40. On the subject of grey hair, I dyed my hair for fun for many years, but stopped about 3 years ago. I decided I wanted to be low maintenance until I needed to cover up the grey. A funny thing happened, though – I have a lot less grey than my parents did at 40, just some sporadic ones on the top of my head. I decided to just leave them alone. Ironically, my hair looks a lot more youthful than when I colored it, since it’s more shiny now. My acne went away at 35 when I started eating more fruits and veggies and settled on a skin care routine that worked for me. (Perimenopause may have helped too). I’m not so crazy about the fact that I have less hair than I used to, though.
In general, I like the sense of perspective that getting older has brought. And, as other people have mentioned, once you hit a certain age people stop telling you to smile and the catcalls stop, so that’s an added benefit.
I guess, like many of the commenters, I am most surprised at how much more I like myself. I remember, four or five years ago, thinking that there was something fundamentally wrong with me – I wasn’t good enough, kind enough, sweet enough, interesting enough – and that I would never be loved. Now? I fully like myself. I like the choices I make, I like the friends I keep, and I like the path I’m creating.
I remember my grandmother telling me that she got a white lock of hair when she was sixteen. I still think that would be the coolest thing ever to have.
Getting older to me is something I am looking forward to in a vague sense of ‘man, when I’m a Real Grownup (aka, when I have my degree and started working), I will totally get a house and paint the walls.’ But at the same time it’s hard to look ahead more than next school year.
As for pleasant surprises? I’m still weirded out when I confirm I’m over 18 online and I’m not lying about it. Or when one of the neighbours adresses me like an equal.
Well, i’m 22. I’ve enjoyed gaining confidence and self reliance. I look forward to my family of nine siblings, now aged 7 to 30, growing up, making all the age gaps smaller, and seeing what they’ll all do with their lives. I’m so excited for all of them.
I am 25 and I in the last year have stopped plucking out my grays. I have a still-scattered streak in the middle of my head that mainly falls to the left, and I’m starting to get some in my widow’s peak/cowlick. I’m actually very excited and curious as to how they’re going to grow in.
As to aging, I’m looking forward to being more comfortable in my own skin, as I already am more so in the last 3 years, and could use more. I can’t wait to exude that sense of self-love and confidence that I see in older women. I’m also looking forward to not being hit on for walking down the damn street.
Wow, I was really happy to read all the “as I’ve aged, I’ve become more comfortable with myself” comments- that’s what I’m looking forward to! I was at a music festival the other day, and there were all these old couples dancing in front of the stage. They looked so happy and full of joy! Yet, I was way to embarrassed to join them. But some day, when I’m old, I will be one of those cute dancing old people!
@Miss Pinot: I am SO in agreement with you about not getting hit on. I sometimes secretly wish I could transform myself into a little old babushka in certain neighborhoods so I don’t have to listen to the “psst! psst!” and “ay mami!” It will be a blessed relief when the harassers consider me too old to bother with.
Hi – new commenter here, I just found your blog and love it.
I’m 36, and I second those who’ve already commented about becoming more comfortable in their own skins. I just really don’t care as much (I wish I could say not at all, but unfortunately that’s not true) what people think of me. It’s so nice to not have to spend so much time worrying about my appearance, worrying about impressing people, worrying about saying the wrong thing, etc.
As for not getting hit on walking down the street, well that hasn’t stopped yet, but living in Latin America as I currently am that’s not surprising. I’m looking forward to it tapering off when I move back to the States later this year.