Comments on: Our Bodies, Our Neuroses

By: SarahMC

SarahMC — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 01:07:45 +0000

Oh, k8, I know how you feel. I try to avoid cameras because seeing evidence of my appearance can ruin an otherwise good time, and even tarnish the good memories.

By: k8

k8 — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 21:28:34 +0000

I just got back from this awesome swing dance thing and was basking in how much fun it was until I saw the pictures. And was crushed by how fat I looked. It took all the fun out of it. And that? Is a shame.

By: Rachel Hills

Rachel Hills — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 07:53:46 +0000

Sometimes I think we could learn as much about being feminists from our failures as we can from our successes.

Beautifully put. I’ve often thought the same thing. In fact, back in my undergrad, I wanted to write my thesis on how pop cultural portrayals of women’s feminist failures could be equally useful to the feminist movement as portrayals of “ideal” feminist behaviour (whatever that is).

By: OnlyCheryl

OnlyCheryl — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 14:02:50 +0000

Is there a rule in feminism that says you have to love your body to be a feminist? Geez! No one would qualify! In my 51 years of living, I never met anyone who absolutely loved their bodies – male or female. Those that claimed to soon admitted to something they wanted changed.

I have a long list of things wrong with my body; starting with the bad genes inherited from both sides of the family. It would take a lot of work to get me to the point of pretty. But this is who I am.

Some days I look at my shapely legs and ignore the spider and varicose veins. On others that’s all I can see. Some days I hate the way my double-D’s make my back ache, but they are still pointing in the right direction and haven’t shifted south, yet. I hate that the sand in my hour glass is getting stuck in the middle.

There are so many things I could harp about, but this is who I am. I do the best I can with it all. I pluck. I shave. I conceal. I tuck. I camoflage. I shudder. I cry. I hate my body. I am a Feminist.

By: ferawle

ferawle — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 10:38:11 +0000

‘too stupid to participate’ should read: ‘so stupid as to participate’. Sorry, didn’t sleep much.

By: ferawle

ferawle — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 06:55:35 +0000

I am touched by this post, like others, for its sincerity. There’s something awful about being able to, rationally, analyse where our body image issues come from; and, we know it’s not just a matter of accepting yourself – but it’s of political importance, too, at least to ourselves. It’s not just about feeling better in your own skin; it’s a refusal to go along with the body-size and shape obsessed culture we’re living in.

Your post illustrates how difficult this is, i.e., to live your ideology. And I recognize this, in many different ways. I just want you to know that you’re doing amazing work, here; and that I feel the same way, be it about fat, or not shaving, or being loud and pretentious when I could have been understanding and/or mute. I am sorry you have to feel this way. One thing that helps me is the thought that I can only struggle against this if I am willing to sacrifice some of the securities a ‘bargain with the patriarchy’ would entail; and, if people don’t see women actively resisting the patriarchy, they all too easily draw the conclusipon that women deserve it, being too stupid to participate and all.

no real tip, here. I am sorry. But thanks so much for your post, and I hope you feel better, if not now, then later.

By: Lyndsay

Lyndsay — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 05:29:27 +0000

I have never wanted to wear a bikini. I don’t think of it as a body image thing, I just don’t like showing too much skin. I like one-pieces.

It’s interesting to see this post because today and yesterday I have unexpectedly had food anxieties released from my mind. I hope this extra “psychic space” stays. For me, it wasn’t really about how I feel about my body but wondering (without even realizing how much I was wondering) whether I’m eating the right thing. Too much of this? Too little of that? Yesterday and today I went to Chapters (big book store) and read In Defence of Food by Micheal Pollan. I already vaguely knew a lot of what he wrote but the way he said it all summarized together was great. His book is based on seven words, “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” By food he means stuff your great grand-ma would probably recognized (unprocessed). And when he talks about “not too much” he talks about quality instead of quantity, eating more slowly and really enjoying eating instead of rushing it. It’s encouraging me already to stop paying so much attention to nutrition experts and enjoy my food. For that last part, he reminded me of Kate Harding and fat acceptance and health at every size.

By: Renee

Renee — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 03:07:53 +0000

I have to admit to going through a bit of a denial phase. Each morning I used to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am. Recently I cannot do it. It feels like I am lying to myself.

I agree that a lot of the issues that women have with appearance is directly related to patriarchy but how do you escape it when it is everywhere we look. I don’t want to see the bikini as a symbol of freedom when it actually feels like a thousand pound weight I cannot begin to life. I don’t know what the solutions are but not looking in the mirror or avoiding talking about it is just letting the elephant in the room sit there like a lump.

By: Margaret

Margaret — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 00:02:22 +0000

Wait till youre 50! I took out all the mirrors, literally, in my house and I actually worked with a therapist to lose all self consciousness. Its so difficult, it took years. The thing I had to come to believe was, I cannot see myself as others see me, its no use trying. But they look mainly at the light in my face, and the soul in my eyes. Once I started concentrating ONLY on these things, I was able to begin losing self consciousness completely. Its good we can’t see ourselves. I never look at pictures or mirrors. I look inside and mirror what I’ve come to see my essence as, and I picture that radiating out my face and eyes. It works.. I think. I have other problems believe me, I don’t know very much, but this is how I’ve tried to cope with all this.

By: tallgirl-in-heels

tallgirl-in-heels — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 21:05:32 +0000

@PS: Dammit, this post brought up so many thoughts and feelings. I could write a book. In fact I did, many of them; they’re my diaries from my 20s, and they read like a horror tale of self-loathing and abuse. I threw them all away recently, and it felt good. I stopped buying women’s magazines, and skip stories about “detox” diets. I sympathize with wanting to create some mental space from the issue. It fucking sucks, and it’s painful. But I wanted to say, as hard as it is, please please know that what you and others like Kate Harding write matters. It HELPS. I now have a deeper, more articulate, and factually grounded language to use when I speak to others about fat shaming and thin privilege. Because I have better tools, I speak up more often to challenge hurtful comments and attitudes. I better understand my own struggles, and the struggles, pain, and experiences of others because you provide a forum for expression. Thank you.

@Cheryl Trooskin-Zoller: Beautifully put.