Ladies, today I got a bit of a shock. Oh, it wasn’t anything truly horrible like the death of a friend or a cancer diagnosis. But still, I was surprised.
Because I got dumped by text message. How fucking high school is that? I’m 34, he’s 33…and yet, dumped by text! It’s not even a Crap E-mail From a Dude, it’s a Crap Text!
Now, this dude, McK., was not a serious boyfriend. We’d been set up by a close mutual friend and had been going out for more than a month. Things had gotten pretty steamy pretty quickly, and I really liked the guy. The not-boyfriends are still present and accounted for in my recreational life, but I was enamored enough of McK. that I was considering giving them their walking papers if things continued to go well with him.
Yesterday we had a date, but he cancelled and said, “let’s talk this weekend.” Today I got this:
I apologize for being distant and non-committal. I’ve been thinking about it for the last few days & I would prefer to be platonic with you going forward. I would understand if that’s not what you’re looking for.
WTF? I mean, if he’d called me, I would have just said, “You know, I really liked you, but oh well.” I’m a grownup and there are plenty of fish in the sea. I’ve had to initiate break-ups at times, too, so I realize it’s not easy. But I have never ditched anyone by text. That’s so fucking juvenile. If it’s been going on for a while–as things had with McK.–I feel like I owe the man the respect of discussing it like adults, if not in person, than by phone.
I sat there staring at my iPhone, trying to figure out how–or whether–to respond. I felt alternately sorry (because I liked him), humiliated (because no one likes getting dumped) and FURIOUS (because it was a fucking text!) I’m sure McK. did it out of sheer cowardice–he didn’t want to see me get upset or angry. But ironically, I wouldn’t have been especially upset or angry if he’d done it in person. Blowing me off by text, though? What a dick move.
And you know what, if you pull a dick move, you get called on it. Yes, ladies, it was time for me to Be A Bitch (well, a little, anyway).
I e-mailed back:
Honestly, if you’d told me that you wanted to just be friends, I’d have been fine with it. I liked you a lot and I’m really disappointed, but we weren’t dating exclusively or for a long time, so it’s not a huge deal. But a text message? Is a total dick move. Blowing someone off via text is not something you do to someone you want to stay friends with.
Uggh I waffled over this all day, and clearly I picked the wrong method and for that I apologize.