I checked Jezebel for the first time in a long time this morning, since the awesome Kate Harding is guesting over there. While reading her most recent piece, I was distracted half-way through by an ad on the side for Svedka. If you’re not familiar with this product, it is brand of vodka, which, as far as I can tell from advertising placement in New York, is the distilled spirit most consumed by people who hang out in bus shelters in the East Village.
If you are familiar with the product, it’s because you’ve probably seen their gross ads in magazines or on billboards, where pneumatically distorted, hyper-sexualized but completely dehumanized (funny how those things so often go together) women-machines coax you to drink The Vodka of the Future, because that’s when you’ll get to plug your USB into her port. Or something.
The ads were bad enough before this, but there’s a new twist: “Bot” yourself. Now, we have Mad Men yourself (except for hair color, every woman looks exactly the same on those, have you noticed?), and Zwinkie yourself (jesus god with a graham cracker crust) and any number of other corporate-product-brand-yourself things. It’s not my bag, but whatever. But Svedka is really taking it to a new level: now you can “Turn yourself and your friends into party bots!”
That’s right, girls. Buy our overpriced product, then advertise yourself as our skinless, tit-tacular Philip K. Dick wank fantasy whore, because “fembots have more fun!'” Wheeee, lookit my tiny carbon-fiber waist and smooth, hairless pistons! Self-objectification is sexyfun!
Holy shit. Holy. Shit. Does it get any balder (pun intended, I guess) than this? Who is Svedka selling to? What women want to “bot” themselves? Why would a straight guy want to fuck a robot? Adding to my confusion, I’ve heard that around here, Svedka is the vodka of choice for Chelsea Boys.
If this were a Monday, I’d be going back to bed.