Comments on: Feminist Food For Thought: Rebecca Solnit

By: AerynnMarie

AerynnMarie — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 18:34:38 +0000

I’ve got one along the lines of the ‘how many holes’ debate and “girls pee out of their vaginas”.

I once listened to a guy try to convince me that anal sex would be a great idea because it would stimulate my prostate gland. When he wouldn’t take my word for it that I did not have one/need one/want one and that it was definitely a boy part, I grabbed an anatomy book and showed him.

I still don’t have a prostate gland and that guy still doesn’t have a clue.

By: Helen Huntingdon

Helen Huntingdon — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 14:18:46 +0000

I’ve run into this a lot over the years, and my mental process has always been to shrug and file the man in question under “dim-witted”. Whether due to traumatic brain injury or a recent stroke or whathaveyou, that person is now permanently down in my memory as mentally deficient, since he can’t handle logic most 10-year-olds have no problem with.

So it occurred to me recently to wonder why it seemed that observable indicators of basic mental incompetence seemed to be so much more common in the men I run into than the women I run into. Has somebody been feeding all the baby boys stupid juice? Evidently they’ve all been feeding it to each other.

By: aspiringexpatriate

aspiringexpatriate — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 01:06:59 +0000

@Clare: Randomly, with no assumption that I know more because I am a man, but rather because I spent a summer near Houston, isn’t the Gulf Of Mexico more of a warming agent than a cooling one? I know most bodies of water provide a cooling effect, but in the case of Houston and the Gulf of Mexico, doesn’t the warm stickiness of the water apply to the atmosphere in Houston? Thus making it far far hotter than Dallas? Or is it that Houston is just more humid, and thus it feels hotter?

By: AmandaS

AmandaS — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 20:21:36 +0000

Happens to me pretty frequently, both at work and at home, and never fails to make me fume. When I was pregnant with my second child, I spent weeks researching and selecting a car seat. I had to balance quality with afforadibility, and since we were on a tight budget I obviously couldn’t pick up the top of the line, highest rated seat. I found a safe, serviceable seat available locally, and my partner and I went to pick it up. I pointed out the one I wanted and asked him to put it in the cart since I was large and awkward. All of a sudden, he had an opinion! But it looks cheap! But I don’t recognize that brand name! Maybe we should shop around some more?

I admit, I lost it. I had already dragged my heavy, tired, swollen self all over town without him because he was “busy”. When I had pulled up information online and asked what he thought, the answer was always, “Whatever you think is best”. But here we were in the store, and suddenly he was reading the details and comparing models and making it clear that he didn’t trust my decision.

By: May

May — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 19:43:45 +0000

I am only commenting to say that I am too angry to actually comment about this! It happens to me all the time and it makes we want to slap people… hard. GAAAAAAH!

By: Hill Rat

Hill Rat — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 19:02:09 +0000

Are they like that with each other–unwilling to listen/rethink their position?

In general, yes. As bad as men are to women, we can be even worse to each other.

It really depends on who the “alpha” in a given situation is, the alpha sets the rules. If the alpha is kind and thoughtful, then the group will (generally) be kind and thoughtful. If the alpha is reckless and cruel, then the group will (generally) follow his lead.

By: Spark

Spark — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 16:25:10 +0000

I think of that Solnit anecdote often. I understand why women (myself included) are more likely to doubt themselves, even when they know they’re right. I don’t understand how some guys can be so sure of themselves when they clearly have no idea what they’re talking about. Are they like that with each other–unwilling to listen/rethink their position? Or is there something about a lady-voice that makes them completely dismiss any challenge?

By: Hill Rat

Hill Rat — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 13:40:48 +0000

Is there anything I can add here that won’t fall into the category of mansplaining?

About ten years ago, my first day on the job installing a particular computer system I was working with another man and a woman. We were having a problem with a terminal and LL (the woman) asked him if he had checked the cabling. I heard LL and assumed he had too, until he spent another 30 minutes trouble-shooting everything BUT the cabling. LL asked about the cabling again and again he completely ignored her. So finally I asked, “Hey dude, did you check the cabling?” and he immediately checked the cables and found out they were jacked up.

I tell this story now like I knew what was happening at the time, but it wasn’t until later when LL and I were alone that she explained what happened. I was initially reluctant to accept her analysis of the situation (I tried to mansplain that he hadn’t heard her, I had a stronger tech background, etc.), but LL was patient with me and explained it to me more than once until I finally got it.

Even knowing what I know, it still amazes me how easy it is to fall into gendered patterns of communication.

By: DexterHaven

DexterHaven — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 07:30:42 +0000

Oh God, this is so familiar. A while ago my friend and I were lectured by a guy sitting beside us on a plane on a Very Important European Writer, and had we ever heard of him, here were his big themes etc.. My friend had to say twice: ‘she has written a book on him’, before there was the faintest flicker of recognition. His reaction though was a classic case of what I termed ‘patriarchal pressing on’ – a short pause, then moving on as if nothing had happened.

By: Miss Pinot

Miss Pinot — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 03:10:02 +0000

I have been running into this ALOT lately in my dating life. NOTHING makes me hang the “you aren’t getting any” sign on my bedroom door faster than a guy saying I’m wrong about studies that I have read about gender/racial inequality. In fact, one, a feminist-raised med student, signed his own death knell when he told me that female surgeons didn’t get same pay for same work because they tend to be married to fellow doctors and don’t bother asking for raises, because the male doctor makes enough to make up for the pay gap. Not because the hospitals pay them less merely because they are women.

My boss also has a habit of Mansplaining the simplest things to myself and my co-workers. Like how to make a sign that says we are open/closed on holidays, etc. He also seems to not understand health insurance or the ‘medical savings account’ idea. I had to tell him he was wrong three times, then show him the pages in our insurer’s packet to at last get him to acknowledge he was wrong. He almost signed us up for a program he didn’t understand, and we didn’t want, because he couldn’t handle that I was correct and he was wrong.