It is a truth universally acknowledged that any person in possession of a uterus must be in want of unsolicted commentary* about her uterus. This is especially true when your uterus is in gestation mode and total strangers feel compelled to discuss its contents with you.
Now, my own personal uterus has been on extended sabbatical since 1988, when it first technically became operational. It’s just chillaxing in my abdomen these days; I picture it having cocktails and playing poker with my ovaries, which have been on vacation since 1994. The benefit of having a vacationing uterus is that people don’t comment on it.
I went for an early run and as I was headed home, I was stopped by two older church ladies in resplendent hats, holding some kind of leaflet from a local Bible temple.
“Sweetie, you really should be careful.” one of them told me, “All that jogging will jar your lady organs and make it hard for you to have babies.” The other church lady said nothing, but nodded sagely in agreement.
I was torn. On one hand, I am always nice to elderly women. On the other, these elderly women were acting like nosy concern trolls, and ill-informed ones at that.
I wanted to tell them that jogging has absolutely no effect whatsoever on my “lady organs” and that contrary to their belief, my uterus does not bob up and down like a cherry in a bottle when I run. Nor is there any reason that running would affect a healthy woman’s fertility. I also wanted to tell them to mind their own goddamn business, thanksverymuch.
But these were elderly church ladies, and I simply could not be a bitch to them. Also, I didn’t have time to break out the Feminist Lecture Series, because I needed to shower and get to work. I just smiled, nodded, and ran off.
Besides, I know what’s affecting my lady organs and keeping me from having babies. It’s not jogging. It’s the Pill.
* also, legislation.