Welcome to Harpy Seminar, a regular feature we plan to have at regular intervals, unless we get too busy to have it at regular intervals, in which case it shall appear whenever we have time and inclination for it. Each Seminar begins with a question, which we discuss amongst ourselves, and we then edit the highlights of our conversation into a post. Please feel free to join in in the comments!
It’s been a busy couple weeks for the Harpies, so today’s Harpy Seminar is a virtual roundtable featuring the wit, wisdom and estrogenated energy of some of our awesome commenters.*
Today, we tackle the question: If there were a Gender Draft tomorrow, a la Dave Chapelle’s infamous (and hilarious) Racial Draft, which woman would you trade to Team Men and which righteous dude would you draft to Team Women?
BeckySharper: I said in the comments on SarahMC’s Maureen Dowd post that I’m totally up for trading Maureen, because she is an underminer-y frenemy of women everywhere. And I suspect she’d be prefer to hang out with the dudes anyway, since she thinks we silly girls are all so beneath her. And I’m taking Jimmy Carter for womanity. Am willing to trade Margaret Thatcher for him–she’s basically just Ronald Reagan in a dress anyway.
Elibard: I’m totally with you on setting Maureen Dowd adrift on a fiery sea with no paddle. As for whom to draft to our side? Again, love the Jimmy Carter suggestion.
bluebears: For the women there are some obvious choices like Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin or Sarah Palin.
westvillagegirl: I’ll take Bernie Sanders of Vermont instead of Sarah Failin’ Palin. Here’s another: I’ll take Al Franken in exchange for Phyllis Schlafly.
Mkp-hearts-nyc: I imagine plenty of folks would offer up Sarah Palin, so I’d trade Condoleezza Rice – not only do I despise her war-supporting, torture-authorizing politics from a gender neutral position, she did absolutely /nothing/ with her position as Sec. of State to help women at home or abroad, and she agreed with every word out of W’s mouth on abortion and abstinence-only education, so basically I’d be happy to turn her over to the dudes.
bluebears: If we could draft posthumously I would say Jesus Christ because then maybe Christians would have more respect for women. But if we have to restrict ourselves to the living I’d say Howard Dean. Just because he’s a fighter! I’d love to have him on our side. (not that he’s not on “our side” but you know what I mean)
Mischiefmanager: I’ve got one: John Stuart Mill for Ayn Rand
westvillagegirl: I totally co-sign the J.S. Mill for Ayn Rand swap. HATE HER.
BeckySharper: I suspect all the Harpies would happily co-sign on that. We are NOT Ayn Rand fans around here.
Elibard: And I almost included Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, but esp. Jon has been just soooooo testosterone-laden the last couple of years that I’m hesitant. Way too many balls-and-dicks jokes.
BeckySharper: I know Pilgrim Soul would second that.
baraqiel: I’d trade every woman who’s said anything like, “I’m a woman and I don’t find [Tucker Max/Observe and Report/Superbad/etc.] offensive, therefore you (probably ugly) women who do are wrong, and giving women a bad name.” Also, all the moms on “Toddlers and Tiaras.”
ceejeemcbeegee: Can Black women get rid of Tyler Perry and Steve Harvey altogether? Too many Black women think these two “speak” for them.
Mkp-hearts-nyc: Yeah, there should be a category of those so repugnant neither side wants them…Sometimes free agents don’t have their option picked up, to keep with the sports metaphor That would allow us to just delete Tucker Max or Carrie Prejean, among others…
BeckySharper: I’d say “get sent back to the farm team” to continue the sports metaphor, but really, it would be better if they could be relocated to desert island like the people on “Lost.”
westvillagegirl: In that category, I have two words: Ann Coulter. Forgive me if that’s already been said.
BeckySharper: I srsly doubt the dudes want her, so yeah, she should just get the fuck out altogether.
baraqiel: Was she not already said? She falls into the Palin category for me — essentially already off the team.
bluebears: I think I’m gonna have to go with Dr. Laura Schlessinger for her relentless anti-women rhetoric. I won’t even say anti-feminist because I think it goes deeper than that.
mischiefmanager: Maybe we could get Rabbi Arthur Waskow in exchange for Laura Schlesinger (that one’s for you, BeckyS)!
BeckySharper: Feminist, queer-lovin’ rabbis FTW! I hate Dr. Laura–she’s living proof that being a woman and being a misogynist aren’t mutually exclusive. I’d trade her in for the late Fred “Mister” Rogers. I want him to come back from heaven and be my neighbor! He was a Presbyterian minister, too, and unlike Dr. Laura, he was all about treating people with kindness and respect.
Ladies, if you were coaching Team Womanity, who would you trade and who would you draft? Continue the action in the comments…
*Don’t feel left out! I couldn’t include everyone in this round and had to stick with commenters whose e-mail addresses I had on hand. If you want to participate in future Commenter Seminars, e-mail me at email@example.com with your commenter name and e-mail address.