Comments on: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

By: Lena

Lena — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 04:21:22 +0000

Not only have I had the single/childless babysitter expectation foisted upon me by unthinking mummies, I have had the childless-spinster-daughter one as well. My mother and her husband even offered to buy me a house close to them and a brand new car so that I could take care of them in their dotage. WTF? Being single and childfree does not mean that I have nothing to do in my own life.

I never intend to change nappies, on infants, nor on the elderly.

By: Rebecca_J

Rebecca_J — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 17:27:48 +0000

I think the use of “selfishness” as a criticism implies that there are babies out there that could be born – and there are, trillions upon trillions – and to deny one or 5 of these babies the chance to be born is a “selfish waste of a perfectly good uterus.” In other words, you care more about yourself than about someone who hasn’t even been conceived yet’s chance to exist. The horror, caring more about yourself than about someone who DOESN’T EXIST.

By: ceejeemcbeegee

ceejeemcbeegee — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 02:23:13 +0000

Fuck that noise. I'm fucking selfish. Whenever you set boundaries, people call you selfish. Hey, can you drop whatever you are doing and babysit my kids? No. Why not, you're single/childless, you can't help me out? No. You're selfish. No, bitch, I have boundaries. I don't feel obligated to help you because you think I should, or that what I want to do (even if it's scratching my ass) isn't half as important as what you want to do. All these people calling us selfish are the TRULY selfish ones.

By: JessMess

JessMess — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 20:07:19 +0000

@SarahMC: ZING!!!!

By: SarahMC

SarahMC — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:56:21 +0000

I’d say, “You should have had more kids of your own to increase the odds of having grandchildren. But you were too selfish.”

By: Av0gadro

Av0gadro — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:41:41 +0000

Kristine, my mother-in-law started asking me when we were going to have kids at my wedding. One kid and a new pregnancy later, I still haven’t really forgiven her.

That said, I do think that your own parents are the only people who have a right to complain about you not producing grandkids for them. It’s not nice, or even very rational, but they’re really the only people affected.

By: Kristine

Kristine — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:26:22 +0000

And then, if you do say you want children, you are beseiged with all sorts of other judgments as well. It’s just exhausting.

My mother-in-law really wants grandchildren but my husband and I have pretty much decided against it. The hints she drops can get really irritating and I imagine they will only increase in intensity over time. If she ever goes so far as to call me selfish I’m not sure what my reaction will be.

By: llevinso

llevinso — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 16:01:50 +0000

@Rachel_in_WY: You’re completely right.

And SarahMC, I totally agree with your assessment of the word selfish. It’s ridiculous! I agree people use it against women because that’s seen as one of the biggest insults because that’s the opposite of how we’re “supposed” to be. How many times have you heard the word selfish used to describe a man that doesn’t want kids?

By: Spark

Spark — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 15:13:55 +0000

Having bio kids is both a selfish and a selfless act, depending on how you look at it. Maybe having the kids is selfish, and raising them requires selflessness.
I don’t begrudge the child-related stuff (or crying children) in my gyn’s office. Mothers with young children probably feel unwelcome in all kinds of public spaces. Why should they feel that way in their own doctors’ offices?

By: pedimd

pedimd — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 14:58:47 +0000

I did specify that I was assuming you were healthy and happy with your birth control. Therefore, not in need of multiple visits about health problems or contraception.

I am glad you are happy with your nurse-practitioner. I think that the fact that you are demonstrates that waiting room decor is not a fair way to judge the health care providers’ ideas about their patients’ wants and needs. I practice in a hospital clinic, and when I am with the patients, I spend a lot of time trying to figure out everyone’s wants and needs, but I have very little idea about what’s going on with the waiting area decor and whether the magazines are up to snuff.