Everyone has their own methods of dealing with/negotiating/busting through chauvinist or patriarchial obstacles we encounter. Personally, I think each situation has a lot of variables that have to be taken into account–but it’s worth examining them after the fact, because we can always be sure there are more feminist dilemmas in our future.

Looking through the comments these few caught my eye. No disrespect is intended to any of the authors.

[H]owever misogynistic his attitude, in the end you benefited and there’s nothing wrong with coming out ahead.
- If this argument is reversed so that a woman suffers as a result we would all likely have a problem with it. Does the outcome really make a difference when the root cause is the same?

I’m definitely not above turning on the smile and turning up the charm if I’m looking for a favor.
– If a man benefits purely on the basis of being male, it’s patriarchal and misogynest but if a woman benefits purely on the basis of being female it’s ok? Personally I think double standards are to be avoided, no matter who is benefitting.

I’m not going to complain if someone wants to give me a deal.
– An economic benefit in exchange for an idealogical cost. Class privilege obviously comes into play with this argument. It’s certainly a valid veiwpoint so long as we don’t forget that nothing is free in this world.

The second case is more interesting to me. As NefariousNewt says brilliantly, you displayed smarts, courage, and guts in a harrowing situation: You took a quick read of the scenario, and used the guard’s likely misogyny and perceptions about women to trick your way past him with a gambit that no male could have successfully achieved; I say that’s a far more substantial flip-off to patriarchal “authority” than a finger-wave at a photo!!

One author calls this the “patriarchal bargain”: we agress to act out our prescribed gender roles in exchange for the benefits (which also come with risks).

We know it’s often a lousy deal, but we do a risk-benefit analysis and sometimes it goes one way, and sometimes the other.

As for the $40, I never asked the dude for a deal. He just gave it to me because he liked the way I looked. I don’t think that’s a good situation, and I said so. I don’t think that you, as a man, will ever find yourself in a similar situation, nor are we talking about your experiences as a man, so spare us the lectures on what you “as a man” would do in that situation.

For all my complaining about stereotyped as a large Black man, when it’s working in my favor I usually go with it ’cause most times it’s working against me.