I have more male friends than female friends, mostly because as a kid I was into ‘boy’ things like comics, games, heavy metal, etc.

My female friends mean a great deal to me, and they have done so much for me.

My oldest childhood friend came to my grandmother’s funeral even though we’d hardly seen each other since junior high school.

I’m bipolar and was hospitalized throughout high school. My friends (a couple of overachievers who NEVER missed school for anything) skipped out on class to make me cards and presents after a suicide attempt. They visited me in the local hospital, and sneaked me out for ice cream and candy to cheer me up. When I was in another hospital, out of town and away from family and friends, being abused by a staff member, one of these girls phoned me almost every day (I was there for two months). When I self-injured, she never judged me or made me feel ‘crazy.’ She just held my hand and told me that she wished I wasn’t hurting.

I have another friend who I met after I graduated and got my first job where I had to interact with people. She’d just gotten out of a relationship with a man who beat and raped her. Since we’ve been friends I’ve helped her through some pretty tough shit. I’m happy to because I care about her, and I know that she would be there for me in a heartbeat if I needed her.

Wait, sorry, I forgot. There are no real friendships between ladies.

Grr.

I am more familiar with the rejection of the girls in that letter than any of the declarations of friendship others have given.

My female friendships are very important to me, but whenever the chips have been down, they have failed me. I’ve moved on from those ‘friendships’ and am trying to build friendships like the ones mentioned here, but sadly I think these relationships are the rarity…

When I had my surgery and was going back and forth to Philadelphia and needed my mama to care for me round the clock, the women in her office donated their sick days to her so she could stay home.

My father was dying? A woman who worked in the lab next to my husband’s was temporarily adopting my dog so I could travel at a moment’s notice. We’d exchanged smiles and maybe fifty words before that month. Fellow-grad student feeling was enough of a bond.

Crippling morning sickness? Coworkers on the other side of the building were keeping me stocked with mint chocolate chip milkshakes, using their breaks to drive to the mall for me.

That weird newborn baby period? Neighbors I’ve never talked to were dropping of casseroles.

I don’t get it. In my experience, women jump up and reach out to support other women, no matter how small the bond between them.

-sent me a series of form letters with fill-in-the-blanks when I was on a long visit to my dysfunctional aunt and uncle in Tallahassee (home of the biggest cockroaches I’ve ever seen) in 9th grade. They came day after day for about a week and made me laugh like crazy.

-became a best friend after a night car ride to NYC, during which we shared intimacies that I’d never share with a guy I’d only known for about 2 weeks

-laughed with me after we lost round 2 of our moot court competition in law school because, among other things, we “didn’t look professional enough”. We were both just beginning our 2nd trimesters of pregnancy and were lucky to find anything that fit at all

-created and led a shivah service after my father died (this is a Jewish ritual that takes place for a week after a death)

-cooked and schlepped for me after my mastectomy, and got me off my butt and into a wonderful world of volunteering

-picked me up off the floor after I lost 2 jobs and a very dear male friend to suicide over the past year

But mostly, they’ve just been themselves, which makes them so dear, and they’ve put up with me, which makes them amazing!