Comments on: No Longer a Girl, Yet Still Interrupted: An Overshare/Mea Culpa

By: Vertigo29

Vertigo29 — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 03:27:02 +0000

Thank you very much for this post.

By: Isa

Isa — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 04:46:53 +0000

ARGH

*things will start looking up. Take care.

Sorry, a kitten walked on my laptop keyboard.

By: Isa

Isa — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 04:46:24 +0000

You’re not the only one.

I have bipolar disorder, along with anxiety issues/eating disorder. I’ve been on meds since I was 11, and attempted suicide when I was 16. I spent a fair chunk of grades 11 & 12 in the hospital, and although now I’m in my early 20s and have a stable relationship and have a decent job, I still struggle. I don’t know if I’ve gotten healthier, or if I’ve just gotten better at coping/hiding.

The depression is hardest for me, and I inevitably spiral back into that headspace. It makes it hard to get out of bed, go to work, take care of myself, take care of my home, maintain my relationships, or function at all, really. I’ve been on just about every goddamn medication there is in the past 10 years, and have finally found a combination that works reasonably well (Prozac, lithium and Seroquel).

Depressed, manic or otherwise, I do not sleep. I take the antipsychotics so that I can get some rest at night–I have not slept without medication for about 4 years and I am fairly sure that I never will again. Nobody is really sure what the deal is with that. I occasionally get sick of taking drugs all the goddamn time but I apparently need them to live.

I hope it doesn’t sound too melodramatic or whatever, but it’s… very tiring and frustrating. Sorry for being a downer. :\ I don’t really know where I am going with this.

Anyway, sorry you’re feeling down. Things will

By: bluebears

bluebears — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 02:58:52 +0000

Thanks for the sympathy.

By: katrinaholloway

katrinaholloway — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 00:59:32 +0000

wow. reading your blog post, and then the comments, has made me realize that this self isolation thing i’ve been doing for… a couple of years, might actually be depression. that the generally feeling down all the time might be more than that. and though the thought that i may have been in depression for a couple of years is, well, depressing, it’s also making me feel better. i’ll talk to my therapist about it this wednesday.

thank you for making me realize that i’m not alone in my isolation. i too need a really big kick in the butt just to go out & meet friends once in a while, even though i know i’m gonna have a good time. like jessica said, going out of the appartment for regular/routine stuff is not a problem, but for something fun & unexpected… that’s another story. and the working part-time because you can’t handle more. that’s also me.

to cut this short, thank you for opening my eyes

By: Alyssa

Alyssa — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:58:40 +0000

Happy to see you back. Hang in there.

By: mischiefmanager

mischiefmanager — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:51:21 +0000

To everyone: hang tough! This world is better for having all of you in it.

To bluebears: I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Please accept my sincere sympathy-and for your beloved cat as well.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:13:50 +0000

I’m a self-isolater, too. I have a VERY difficult time leaving the house (alone) if I’m going somewhere other than work, or someplace that’s not part of my routine. I usually cannot even go to the grocery store by myself. It’s much better if there’s someone with me, although sometimes I get a little freaked out then, too.

I have severe anxiety, OCD, and major depressive disorder. Oh, and narcolepsy, and ADHD. It seems ridiculous to even type all those into the comment form, like it’s not even possible to have that much crap wrong with one person.

I first considered suicide when I was 11 years old. I’ve never actually attempted it. I have come close, though. Until recently, I thought about it almost daily, with varying degrees of intensity. I’m on medication that works now, and I think I’ve finally learned that I will always need to be on it, and I should really never randomly stop taking it because I think I’m cured. (D’oh!)

So far, I haven’t been able to finish my degree. I dropped out of college my very first semester, then proceeded to re-enroll and drop out several more times. I’m working part time now, about 20 hours a week, and I tell people it’s because I’m planning on going back to school and finally finishing my degree. However, the real reason is that I just plain cannot cope with working full time.

In spite of all that, I’m doing fantastic right now. I feel great. Hooray for drugs! Mind you, I tried several that sucked, and for a while I was near despair, thinking none of them would ever work. For me, the magic drug is Wellbutrin (and thyroid medication and a Vitamin D supplement). I hope it continues to work for me.

I know from experience that this part, the crap you’re going through right now, sucks. Hang in there, and keep savoring the small triumphs and pleasures–sometimes all you can do is wait it out.

By: sarah.of.a.lesser.god

sarah.of.a.lesser.god — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:08:59 +0000

Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories. As Ms. M says, these things can go in cycles and there is an awareness that this too shall pass, but it can be so difficult to deal with in the moment. bluebears I am so sorry to hear about your loved one. My condolences.

By: viajera

viajera — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:06:10 +0000

I’ve also suffered from chronic depression for about as long as I can remember, and it runs in my family. Like you, I was always happier being lost in a book (or now the Internet) than spending time with other people. I’ve (mostly) overcome my shyness/social anxiety now to the point where I can put on a good face and even enjoy others’ company, but I still am a person who needs solo time to recharge. Right now I’m doing pretty good without meds (knocking on wood that the darkness of winter, and speaking too soon, doesn’t bring it back), but I still have an old prescription on hand in case I need to start up again. But I don’t delude myself into thinking that I’ve outgrown it or moved beyond it permanently, it’s there waiting for me and could re-emerge at any time. Some of my worst spells have been in the last few years, provoked by a combination of moving cross-country, giving up a comfortable life to start grad school in a town where I knew noone, while at the same time ending a long-term and abusive relationship. I’ve never attempted suicide but I’ve come extremely close at least 3 times…in fact, in an odd twist of irony that I still feel guilty about, Hurricane Katrina probably saved my life (while taking so many others). But like Ms. M, I can now get through the spells that do come, because I’ve been through so many that I know they will eventually come to an end, even if only briefly (and for me, the happy spells usually are briefer than the “ok” and depressed spells).