Faces blurred to protect the (not so) innocent.
I’m going to spare you the requisite ARGGH SEXXXY HALLOWEEN COSTUMES! post because I’m exhaused by the ever-worsening sexxxy Halloween costumes, and you can find hilarious take-downs and round-ups elsewhere.
Instead, I am sharing with you the decidedly unsexxxy Halloween get-ups my boyf and I wore last year. We dressed up as troll dolls. We ordered “Adam & Eve” bodysuits online, removed the fake fig leaves that had been glued to the breast and genital regions, and bought a couple of weird rainbow wigs that didn’t exactly stand straight-up as we’d anticipated. We cut some t-shirts we’d bought at Goodwill. And I found a some cheap “gem rings,” from which I removed the “gems” for our, uh, bellybuttons?
It was fun, although few people could figure out what we were supposed to be. One woman at the party asked me if I was supposed to be “pregnant white trash.”
*blink*
What are you going to be for Halloween, if anything? What are your favorite costumes of Halloween past? Have a safe and spooky time this weekend!
I’m going to a party tonight I will be Liz Lemon (I will don a snuggy and sing “workin on my night cheese”).
*and* I will be Liz Lemon. Jebus, didn’t notice the run-on sentence till I posted.
I’m going as Velma from Scooby-Doo, my son is Scooby, and my husband is Shaggy. I’m doing the theme costumes until he is old enough to express an opinion.
PhDork, her Dude and I are going to Pilgrim Soul’s house to gorge on candy and junk food and watch scary movies. And by junk food, I do not mean the gourmet chocolate truffles and sea-salt potato chips I enjoy, but the real down-and-dirty sugary, chemical-ly snacks from the drugstore that MamaSharper let me eat about once a year as a kid: Reese’s cups, Starburst, Doritos, Twinkies.
My costume will be something with an elastic waistband.
@RaeRae: Working on my night cheese…love it!
I’m going to be a cat. Not a sexy cat. Just a cat. It’s kind of last minute so basically I’m just wearing a gray sweater dress, black tights and knee-high black boots (all of this was stuff I already owned so Halloween is extra cheap for me this year). I’m just adding some kitty ears, pinning a tail on and drawing some whiskers on my face and I’m all done
We’re going to a party, but we procrastinated all week and don’t have costumes. I think I’ll tell people I’m a serial killer, because they always just look totally normal.
The Dude and I were considering a party in Manhattan, but what can I say, the tug of junk food and movies is strong. We were thinking of dressing as Peggy Olson and Harry Crane. Which became cross-dressing as Peggy Olson and Harry Crane. Which is weirdly appealling to me, still.
My students asked me (college students, mind you!) if they could wear their costumes to class next Tuesday. …I guess?
Next Tuesday? Really?
This morning I was buying my coffee and the girl behind the counter (who always compliments my glasses when I wear them) was wearing a belt made of bullet shells and I was like (internally) is that a belt? or a costume? Finally I just bit the bullet (heh) and asked her and she stepped back to reveal a full on Lara Croft/Tombraider costume but just between us I was kinda digging on the bullet shell belt. I have problems.
Yep. I said “sure, just make sure you bring enough candy to share with everyone.” We’ll see if anyone shows up in costume, especially since a group of them have in-class presentations to give. One of my kids said he was dressing up as Bea Arthur, which I would dearly love to see.
I am being SO lazy this year. A friend and I are hosting a party in her house/dorm where we will watch Hocus Pocus and play board games and drink root beer. I am dressing up as the Cheshire Cat, which basically means I will be wearing PJs (purple lounge pants, pink and blue striped shirt) and my boyfriend is being the Mad Hatter. This may be the first year I can remember in which I will be able to immediately fall asleep in my costume — I am looking forward to this immensely.
I think I am going to be Gloria Steinem going undercover as a Playboy bunny. I can get some cheap bunny ears and make a nametag that says Gloria. I am going to wear a dress rather than lingerie.
Well, I’m really sick today BUT I was supposed to be going to a Halloween party as Joan Holloway!!! I was so damn excited too bc I got the perfect dress and even ordered the “pen necklace” she wears online.
I can’t believe I’m sick! I even have red hair! *stomps foot*
My best ever Hallowe’en costume occurred when I was about 17 or 18. I gelled my short hair and wore a black top and trousers with some added silver tape in various places and went as Elvis.
This year, I’ve told the homosexual fellows (one of whom is American) whose shindig I’m attending that I decline to dress up, but that I will bring pumpkin cupcakes with cream-cheese frosting. I have been informed that this is acceptable.
I am going to a house party and for the first time in about 4 years will be dressing up. I will be Robin Sparkles from HIMYM, and my best friend is Barney. We have a nice little fun point since he is actually gay, but promises to pretend to put the moves on me all night…our friends are going to love it!
I was planning on being some sort of Morticia Addams-y sort of lady, but then my boyfriend got the idea that I could be Baba Yaga and he could be my house on chicken feet. We were trying to think of the most comfortable way to build a house costume, so I did a GIS and whaddya know? First result was a “sexay” house costume: http://images.buycostumes.com/mgen/merchandiser/19158.jpg
I am going to be Sue Motherfucking Sylvester. I have a nondescript short blonde wig, a tracksuit, sneakers, a whistle, a sneer and a pocketful of condescending remarks. Cannot bloody wait.
I was going to go as Higgins from Magnum PI (my husband is going as Magnum himself and, might I add, it is the most hilarious costume ever – complete with incredibly tight jeans and a kick ass ’stache), but I couldn’t part ways with a costume that involves wearing sneakers and a tracksuit. B/c honestly, it’s the best drinking outfit.
@betterfishtofry: love it! i think the robin sparkles episode is my favorite. will you be going to the mall? today?
My original plan for this year was Max from Where The Wild Things Are. I even rush-ordered a gray hoodie and sweats for it! But then yesterday I saw an adorable DIY owl costume and decided to switch last minute. Tonight I will be drinking and passing out candy and hot-gluing cloth feathers to a dress.
My best past costume was Amy Winehouse. I had my friends draw Sharpie tattoos and bruises all over me, teased a $5 wig into an epic bouffant, and pinned a note to my back that said “If found, return to rehab.”
Maritsa – I think you should keep with the themed costumes until his of the age of majority. I will add this to my ever-growing list of “THE RULES” for my future minis. My house – my rules, kids.
Seriously – I love your costumes…
Anyone really low on money this year could go as the popular social networking site: Bookface.
@theorchidtheif: I’m sorry you’re sick! I’m going as Season One Joan Holloway too–i’m making the pen on the chain this afternoon. I’m wearing my Grandmother’s jewelry and purse, and found the perfect shoes at TJMaxx. My Mom, who was a secretary for a big aerospace firm in 1962, is doing my hair, she’s really excited and told me the right spray to buy, bobbypins and a rat-tail comb!
I’m going as The Obesity Epidemic because NOTHING IS SCARIER, BOOGA BOOGA!!!!
I love you all.
I’m doing it up Cathy style, inspired by 30 Rock. I have super tacky workout clothes and a big plastic bead necklace. I’ll frizz my hair out straight and carry a box of chocolates and a diet soda. And of course I will say ACK! as often as possible. It should be fun.
I was Sarah Palin last year and won the award for “scariest costume” at the party we went to. I looked EXACTLY like her. It was pretty frightening.
I am going to be “person writing a legal memo due Monday”. It’s a really cool costume, consisting sweatpants, body odor and a poor grasp of contributory negligence.
For two years in a row I’ve been “Michael Vick being attacked by his own dogs”. It was a big hit. I wanted to be “Doctor Octomom” and dress in drag with a long brown wig and a trenchcoat, and somehow make Dr. Octopus arms (drainage tubes?) with babies attached to the ends of them. Oh well.
Happy Halloween to all! I was never any good with costumes, sadly. When I worked at the bookstore, I’d volunteer for the trick-or-treat that the neighborhood business district does, because I love to see the kids all dressed up and buzzed. I’d wear my Harry Potter conference rig, which is our son’s long black high school graduation robe, a tie in Gryffindor colors and a white button down shirt, and a witch hat. One year someone asked me if I was a judge. Sigh.
Our kids are great at creating costumes out of found material and cheap accessories. For instance, our 24 year old son is going as the Bear Jew from “Inglorious Basterds”, and our daughter has already described her costume here, which sounds adorable.
But I have to ask, being the curmudgeon I am, doesn’t it seem to you that the grownups are taking over and messing up Halloween? It’s getting the Christmas treatment now, with products on the shelves months before the holiday, tons of haunted houses and huge, elaborate fundraiser parties everywhere. We Americans just don’t know when to stop, do we? It’s fun to have parties for adults, but really, shouldn’t this be a kids’ thing by and large?
Nevertheless, enjoy, everyone!
My bf and I are dressing up as cold-averse people who do not want to venture out into the snow for Halloween. Our costumes consist of sweats, wool socks, plenty of fleece, a large blanket, a big couch to cuddle on, alcohol, and delivery pizza.
I am going to be Poison Ivy. A friend was supposed to go as either Catwoman or Harley Quinn, and her husband as the Joker… we were going to do a whole Batman villain themed thing.
Then they didn’t have enough money to buy the stuff to make costumes, so I’m all alone. Boo. My boyfriend refuses to dress up.
I’m usually some variant on a vampire. I invented the perfect fangs during high school and wear them basically every year.
Take some fake nails, file to a point, stick on the top of teeth (on the gumline) with denture grip. They look realistic and they’re not cumbersome like those shitty plastic ones that take up your whole mouth.
This year, I’m doing a combo of a true blood vampire (red ringed eyes, sullen expression, dark sunken eyes) and twilight (glitter EVERYWHERE) – saying I’m just wearing the glitter to fool twilight fans into my evil lair…
@thelady I just went to the dr and got some antibiotics! If I’m better by tomorrow night, I’ll hit the bars in my costume! But yours sounds more detailed than mine! I don’t have the authentic jewelry. But I think the pen necklace is the clincher…have fun!
It was fun, although few people could figure out what we were supposed to be. One woman at the party asked me if I was supposed to be “pregnant white trash.”
*blink*
oh, SarahMC, this gave me a laugh. after a bad day, it was wonderful to come home and laugh myself out of it. also, those belly button gems are spot on! love it.
Okay, this year I copped out. I found a glow-in-the-dark t-shirt of a skeleton torso carrying a baby skeleton. Since I’m pretty pregnant, it works. And it’s comfy and easy.
http://gladditudesbumptees.spreadshirt.com/skeleton-maternity-costume-glow-A3506405/customize/color/2
It totally creeps out my husband, but I love it. Our 15-month-old son is going as a knight, in tunic, cuffs, and belt. He’s just missing the page-boy haircut.
I’m going as Medusa. I have a 3 year Hallowe’en cycle which consists of: (1st year) a very elaborate costume focusing mostly on the fact that my hair can do things most people’s cannot and resulting in posing for pictures with various strangers, followed by (2d year) bemoaning Slutoween far and wide and refusing to participate in the holiday at all, and then (3d year) half-assing a costume that takes no effort (last year: drew backwards B on my face with lipliner and went as a crazy McCain volunteer). By the end of the cycle I miss the fun of dressing up and am ready to plot out a good costume.
Because I’m putting effort in, I basically RSVP’d to every party I was invited to this year. I’m taking this show on the road!
I going as a stereotypical librarian. There are a lot of pieces involved, so I’m going to make a list for ya’.
Sensible shoes
Purple ankle socks
Panty hose that are too dark
A long skirt that sits too high
A cardigan
4 brooches including a crocheted Christmas wreath and a Barack Obama pin
Glasses on a chain
Grey spray hair
A really high, tight bun w/ a pen sticking out of it
I am a librarian, so this is all constructed out of things I had already. There is one thing missing that would have made it perfect and I’m really sad that I don’t have, an embroidered kitten cardigan.
:*(
@bellacoker: That is perfect. Or you could wear the cardigan the nurse had on yesterday when I went to the dr. – an embroidered “all thing Halloween” cardigan, including candy corn, pumpkins, Fall leaves, etc. LOL
I was an evil theater critic.
@theorchardthief:
That would be perfect. In real life, I would like one cardigan with embroidered symbols of every holiday. That would make my ironic seasonal cardigan wearing so much easier.
I went as a moogle from the Final Fantasy games: I wore a pair of angel wings, and made the little red antenna thing with a headband, a pipecleaner, and a fuzzy red ball.
My department at work decided to do a Birds and the Bees theme. I decided to be a little more creative and go as a Zom-Bee, which means I wore yellow and black stripped tights a yellow t-shirt with Bee wings on the back and then pained my face like a disgusting bloody undead mess…. Zom-bee!
kinda late but had to add because i don’t feel i ever got enough credit for my cat hairball costume. i used to work at an animal hospital. i hot glued fake hair, string, q-tips, plastic mice, plant leaves, etc. to a black sweatsuit. Then i teased the shit out of my hair and painted my face like vomit. it was hideous!
KC, as a catmomma of three, I find your costume brilliant and horrifying, and I feel the need to cover you with a paper towel.