Gentle readers, today I had a Crap E-mail From A Dude exchange that just cries out to be shared. When I forwarded it to PhDork and Pilgrim Soul–who I saw right after my first date with this dude–the Dork asked, “Did someone throw a switch on the DoucheSignal?”
The first date with Mr. Douche was odd. He’s good looking, has an interesting job, is intelligent and passionate about the world. So far so good. But he tended to rant, especially about hot button topics like politics. That didn’t turn me on; I don’t like to argue in general and I really don’t like to argue on a first date. I got tired of it, and let him know it, which I think surprised him. “Are you always this intense?” he asked. I gave him the side-eye and said, “Only when provoked.” He began apologizing and was pretty contrite for the rest of the date.
I was on the fence if I wanted to go out with him again. But he e-mailed today:
Becky, I think we should probably hang again at some point. We didn’t take the arguing personally– which is probably a good thing. And I don’t think being out with you would feel like a “date” or any other construct, which jigs with my life outlook — whatever that may or may not be. Ha.
Let me know if these words make any logical sense to you.
Huh? I just had to forward this for a second and third opinion from the Harpies. Picture their remarks as an episode of “Mystery Science Theater.”
Pilgrim Soul: Boy is he weird.
PhDork: I’m coming down with something, so maybe my reading skills are compromised, but it does sound like he’s willing to do you a solid and see you again, since 1) you held your own intellectually, without gettin’ all bitchy or whatever, and 2) you probably will put out without entangling him in a relationship. “Ha.”
I e-mailed Mr. Douche back and said:
Hmmm…What does that third sentence mean? I’ve read it a couple times and still don’t quite get it. Can you clarify?
Rather than clarifying, it got even weirder. And douchier:
Well, Becky, you are curious about my life outlook and cannot glean
it from a sentence. Man, I would hope that would be the case.
Nonetheless… I don’t really get “dates” — or other forms of self
and mutual destruction. I do get chilling with people from time to
time with zero downsides, particularly if there is something to talk
Am I still being cryptic? I’m definitely not trying to be.
Not cryptic…just bizarro. Is this supposed to make me want to go out with him again? He was waving red flags like it’s May Day in Tiananmen Square. That comment pretty much finished it for me, and for the other Harpies:
Pilgrim Soul: I am of that small minority that believes that only a small number of people can pull off the use of the word “chilling” unironically. He is not one of them.
PhDork: He thinks he’s been all casual and cool: “I don’t like to label things, baybee, let’s just chill together, so I can insult you in vague terms with plausible deniability.” I think he’s trying to “neg” you. In which case, you know what to do.
Yes, I did:
No, [Mr. Douche] I wasn’t “curious about your life outlook” and trying to glean it from that one sentence. It was a strangely worded e-mail and I was just asking you to explain it.
But I think you told me all I need to know with: “Dates are “a form of self and mutual destruction.”
I think I’d rather not go on a second date with you, thanks.
When the neg failed, he decided to try honey instead of vinegar:
I meant that totally tongue in cheek. My point was that I think we would really, really like each other.
I didn’t respond right away to the last-ditch attempt to make nice, so he decided to oh-so-casually reject me.
My loss. Do take care.
Bye now. Ya weirdo.
I guess he was hoping that it would have the desired negging response: I’d rush to try to change his mind. Won’t happen.
PhDork: Bullet: dodged. In style, no less.