Twice in the past 48 hours I have had the displeasure of reading pathetic, poorly-written attempts at humor in college newspapers. The target of the writers’ screeds, of course, is women. It’s amazing how many people think misogyny is fresh and new and “edgy.”
The new shame of Fairfield University, Chris Surette, wrote some “tips of advice to become a champ [at pounding girls].” Getting laid is great, he says, because:
Not only is it a story for you and your boys, but others will soon realize what happened when they see your victim walking back to the dorms in her dress from last night, with a disgraceful look on her face as if she was robbed of her dignity.
I don’t expect The Mirror to publish sex-positive, feminist articles, but this piece of trash glorifies sexual predation. There is a silver lining, however. Surette tells women:
hopefully you got something out of this to (sic)… actually, we don’t really care.
You don’t say.
Surette pursues sex with women as a means to an end: impressing his male friends. Mistreating women is a homosocial bonding ritual. Surette is obviously proud of this, which is why he is sharing it with hiring managers who’ll type his name into a search engine one day.
Another topic that’s as edgy as a bowling ball is “Ew, periods!” Jon Hochschartner of SUNY Plattsburgh also tries to entertain his readers by denigrating women and their bodies. The alternate title was How To Get Off Even When Your Broad Is Gross And Bleeding. It consists of a fabricated story about waking up in a pool of menstrual blood after spending the night with a foul woman. This trauma inspired him to advise men and women against period sex, recommending some alternative activities:
You could always see if she’s down with anal.
Bleeding pussies make him “vomit in [his] mouth” but the ass is fine. He also suggests a week of blowjobs. If she’s not into it, “stuff her full of cramp-reducing chocolate” ’til she obliges. It’s all about his penis and how she can please it when her vagina is out of service. Way to think outside the box (pun intended).
Both of these guys got ripped apart by commenters, but there were almost as many Douchebag Defenders. I think it’s time to create a College Newspaper Columnist bingo card. It will include, but not be limited to, the following:
Satire!
The truth hurts, dohnit?
Freedom of the press!
Lighten up.
He is a good guy in real life.
It’s humor.
I took a women’s studies class once.
Who wants to help?
Wow. His picture is at the link too, which really rounds this whole post out, I think. Also, this line made me guffaw:
Surette is obviously proud of this, which is why he is sharing it with hiring managers who’ll type his name into a search engine one day.
OrchidThief is dead on, IMO. What percentage of HR recruiters/managers are women? Surette and Hochschartner are about to find out.
To say nothing of all the women in their future who will Google their names before that first date….
Ugh, I don’t know why but my tolerance for this bullshit is even lower than normal for this bullshit lately. A commenter on Another Website just (well I just saw it) informed me that it was fair game for Letterman to mock Bristol Palins pregnancy because it amounted to a “sex scandal.” Yes that’s right ladies, getting knocked up while unmarried now lands you squarely in sex scandal territory you dirty dirty whores.
Also in regards to the period article, I make it a point to discuss my period in matter-of-fact terms with men I date. They can learn to deal with it. Now that I’m older, most of the men I date are divorced and so they are quite familiar with periods, tampons, etc. But the other night I was on a date and we were making out and this boy (I use term purposely) wanted to go further. I didn’t and so I stopped him. He asked me if it was “my time.” I said, “oh yes, it’s my very special feminine time!!!!” Gimme a break dude. I have my fucking period. (That wasn’t why I didn’t feel like having sex – it was late and I require at least 9 hours of sleep a night during the week. HA!)
Wow. Just… wow. I read the author’s “apology” and wanted to beat myself brainless against a wall. It sounds like someone simply trying to cover his ass and back pedal his way out of a tough situation, rather than actually owning up to the fact that what he said was in fact misogynistic, inaccurate and overall inappropriate, even for a university newspaper. Way to perpetuate objectification and rape culture!
As always, the Harpies never cease to get my blood boiling before my day has even started.
That was my line, Becky!
I don’t know whether to be more angry or more upset at the picture he paints of the poor women who make the mistake of sleeping with him. Clearly, for him sex is just a means to his ultimate end, which is humiliating women. I hope every woman on his campus now knows who he is. In fact, that goes for women everywhere.
It’s been a dandy week. The Church is now making public policy with no attempt even to hide their violation of the First Amendment and the Congress is lining up to take their orders. Then the same church has the utter nerve to try to blackmail D.C. over its proposed same-sex marriage legislation. And finally, Slog reports that the RNC’s health care plan covers abortion.
If I didn’t exercise 5 days a week I would explode with rage.
Ellen Goodman had it right on the nose today: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09317/1013070-109.stm
I meant about his photo being included too, SarahMC. It’ll ensure that HR recruiters know they’ve got the right douche.
I think we should take up a collection to buy Surette and Hochscharnter (and oh, so many of their brethren) t-shirts reading: I AM A WOMAN-HATING SHITWEASEL. DO NOT FUCK ME FOR ANY REASON, EVER. Or maybe get them tattooed? If they’re so willing to publically, and with the ‘net, permanently, advertise their hur-hur-hur dudebro misogyny, they can’t really object to a more personal campaign.
Y’know, as a service to our sisters and humanity in general.
I mean, I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve neeeeever heard of douchey bros taking women’s studies classes “to meet chicks, yo!”. Never. Never once.
I went to a school-sponsored concert the other day and the opening act was an Aussie comic who started out with a gay joke and just went downhill from there, to the point of calling Chelsea Clinton an “unfuckable c***”. I sent an e-mail to complain and ask for a public apology and have thus far gotten the following responses:
-Student head of event committee: “I’m not on that committee any more, sorry!”
-Dean of students: “Yeah…I’m not involved with that but I agree that it was inappropriate.”
-Woman who we pay to coordinate student events: “His management told me he was ‘pretty clean’ and maybe if you didn’t like it, you should have joined the committee yourself.”
-Dean of student life: “Let’s meet in person!”
So we’ll see where that goes — MM thinks I should ask the comic for an apology as well, but that’s a cold day in hell. Yeah, the guy who started off his routine talking about how scary and emasculating Michelle Obama is will definitely apologize for offensive language.
Yes, it was SarahMC’s line but I don’t know how to do italics! /dumb
Sorry, my bad. College boys have turned my brain to oatmeal.
What brain, SarahMC? Admit it-you’re just a walking collection of ladybits, waiting for some generous man to help you feel useful.
*grinds teeth*
Guys trying to prove how hetero they are by hating women. There is a fundamental disconnect here. (I mean, patriarchy etc, but I would like to point this out to these Dude Journalists and see if they can explain it.)
@PhDork: I dunno if you’ve read “Girl with a Dragon Tattoo”, but the kick-ass heroine at one point gives a man a richly-deserved chest-to-groin tattoo that reads “I AM A SADISTIC PIG, A PERVERT AND A RAPIST.”
I don’t know if we need to tattoo these dudes permanently–they’re young, hopefully they can change–but I’m thinking it would be nice to put these dudes in a Colonial-style stock with signs hanging around their necks.
Not as bad as all that misogyny, but still high up on the list of offenses is the quality of the writing! Good lord, that first quoted line is a nightmare. I know that tends to be a general feature of college newspapers, much as I’d like to hope otherwise, but I’m not willing to give these jackasses a pass. Apparently, grammar’s for homos! Punctuation’s for pussies!
What amazes me is that the guys would write this and then ever expect another woman on campus to sleep with them again. Hopefully women who don’t read the campus newspaper are warned away from these guys by their friends who do.
Every day I find another reason to thank my lucky stars I went to a women’s college and got to avoid knowing this type of fool exists in the flesh.
Here’s the thing that’s always been a mystery to me: do these guys not get any advice on how/why not to act like this or do they simply choose to ignore it?
Hill Rat, it’s simple: they value (some) mens’ opinions of them more than they value (all) womens’ opinions. They’re toadies to the patriarchy.
Wow. “Your victim”? “Disgraceful look”?
Doesn’t that paint the guys in an equally bad light, since sleeping with them is obviously some great social crime?
Ugh.
Since we can’t tattoo him or throw him in the stocks, how about a Google Bomb? I’m going for “Chris Surette is a dirtbag”. So far I’m #12, but I’m shooting for the 1st page.
Does “Surette” sound like an incontinence product to anyone else? No?
I was so furious at Surette that I completely missed the other guy. How about if a bunch of SUNY Plattsburgh women who are having their periods get him in a room, let him drink until he passes out and then fulfill his nasty little nightmare/fantasy?
I’m betting these guys are both known to their former sex partners as 30-second men.
And as a counter to Surette, go listen to Joan Osborn’s powerful-sexual woman song “Right-Hand Man”: “My panties in a wad/At the bottom of my purse/I walk into the street/The air’s so cool/I’m wired and I’m tired/And I’m grinning like a fool”.
That kind of reaction is one that neither of these 3rd rate losers will ever get.
If you’re still taking suggestions for the bingo card, might I submit:
“All guys think this way, he was just honest enough to say it!”
“It’s a free country, if you don’t like it don’t read it!”
and my favorite, “Lighten up!”
Oh damn, lighten up was already on there. My apologies.
PhDork, that made me laugh out loud! Actually, it sounds like the name for a sanitary napkin that would soak up all the eeew, eeeew, gross biology that so upsets douche author no. 2.
Hah, I love how these dudes think they’re “humiliating” women by having sex with them. Why is it supposed to be humiliating to get laid? Even if it’s a one night stand and the guy doesn’t even like you? I don’t care if you don’t like me, dude, I got laid.
I do not understand this “humiliation” tactic.
And yes, I realize that my comment sounds like it was written by a girl version of a bro. It’s 1 am here right now, and that’s the hour I start sounding like a bro. Sad.
Hill Rat:
You know how some people say women dress for other women, guys douche for other guys. I would bet money he told all of these jokes to a bunch of his friends before putting the article in the paper and they went over like gang-busters.
Oh, I can’t even bear to go read the linked articles. But in the interest of counter-examples, I’d like to point out that most college paper sex columns are written by women and aren’t all bad. I just wrote about this, with props to Jeannetta Bradley at Chico State’s The Orion for a column about menstrual sex at my blog.
@bellacoker
It’s funny that you say that, because I’ve had the exact opposite experience. I was probably a little bit older than this guy and I was talking to guys that were even older, but they put me on to the fact that this kind of shit just isn’t cool. They didn’t lecture me, they were just very dismissive of my immature nonsense by comparing me to a guy who was well known as a flaming asshole. It’s actually a pretty difficult trick to pull off (putting a young douchebag in his place without lecturing like someone’s dad), but I’ve finally mastered it.