We’re dealing with a similar situation in my family, too. My grandfather has dementia which has pretty much taken away his short-term memory ability. But, because he always handled the fiances, he still handles the fiances. He also shouldn’t be driving the car either but because he’s always done that, he still does it.

My grandfather is also a very stubborn and willful person who treats a suggestion like “maybe grandma should drive” as a personal attack.

My grandma is a smart, outgoing lady and is perfectly capable of doing anything herself, but it’s like these things are my grandfather’s territory so she won’t touch them. They’re stuck in old, stupid patterns. Besides it being frustrating to watch this play out, I am a little worried that when she actually must take over the fiances she won’t do it.

Mom was shocked because she hadn’t even been allowed to co-sign a loan for my brother, despite having worked as a nurse for the last 30 years at the same job.

After the conversation, mom and grandma both sent up bank accounts and credit cards in their own name. Thank goodness.

And your grandma’s situation is, to be honest, one I had never stopped to think about – my grandfathers both died before I was born, so I grew up with them being completely in control of their finances.

To address the title of the post: my parents have both talked openly about finances for years. I’ve learned a lot by watching them, and my inborn pathological fear of debt has so far stood me in good stead. One thing I am nervous about is investing, though. I know it will probably be necessary at some point, but I am a bit intimidated by the stock market and its unpredictability. I wish there were still old-style pensions nowadays, that would make the idea of saving for retirement much less frightening.

Gender roles have changed so much–these days it seems nearly impossible that a woman not know about the finances in her household.

My parents were the same way, and when my dad died, my mom had to watch the mail carefully. She mostly knew what bills were due, but she was pretty worried about missing things (especially since things had already slid in the months she was living at the hospital). Additionally, she had to spend three days removing my dad from all the accounts, which was pretty horrible.

Anytime you combine finances, it’s a risk, but I can’t help but feel it might be even more of a risk if you don’t. As it is now, if something happened to my husband, his car and bank accounts are automatically mine without probate or lawyers. I definitely think that would make life easier.

I’m sorry for your loss, sarah. I hope your grandmother does well.