If there were such a thing as a big WHOOPWHOOPWHOOP siren that would go off when people started talking shite, I have go doubt that the phrase “in cave man times” would trigger klaxons everywhere.
The article Shopping styles of men and women all down to evolution, claim scientists from the Telegraph is a unmitigated disaster on the “shite-talking” front. In a nutshell, “researchers” (scare quotes are warranted, I promise) from the University of Michigan have, after what I can only assume are obsessive, repeated viewings of One Million Years B.C., surmised that our fur-bikini-clad, hunter-gatherer past is the reason that all women love to shop, in groups, at length, while all men hate it, avoid it when possible, and only do the barest minimum, because “it’s critical to get meat home as quickly as possible.”
This, erm, study will be published in a peer-review online journal (are you fucking kidding me with this?), and head researcher Professor Thag–I mean, Kruger–insists that this is valuable science which not only is full of facticity, but can head off holiday shopping conflicts:
“It helps demystify behaviours – guys, myself included, have been puzzled by why women shop the way they do.”
“Women can have a hard time understanding a man’s aversion to it.”
Dude, what is wrong with those crazy bitches? Oh, right. Their biology. Well, whatever. Let’s go have a beer while they pick over that table of macho pants.