Menorah cake! Nom nom nom.
Hanukkah, oh Hanukkah! Well, ’tis the season to celebrate the festival of lights. Granted, we don’t have mistletoe, trees, and creepy elves wrapping gifts. Nor do we have a great stock of holiday songs. (I’m sorry, but Adam Sandler’s ditties just grate on my nerves.) There’s no “On the first day of Hanukkah/My true love gave to me/A latke dripping in grease,” or “Grandma got run over by a dreidel.” Well, it’s time to rectify that! And lucky for the Tribe, Orrin Hatch has it covered.
Yes, that Orrin Hatch. He apparently has a soft spot for the Jews, as evidenced in part by his love of Barbra Streisand. He “has penned a catchy tune, ‘The Eight Days of Hanukkah.’” Just like “The Twelve Days of Christmas”! Only not at all! As The New York Times reports:
Known around the Senate as a prolific writer of Christian hymns and patriotic melodies, Mr. Hatch, 75, said this was his first venture into Jewish music. It will not be his last.
“Anything I can do for the Jewish people, I will do,” Mr. Hatch said in an interview before heading to the Senate floor to debate an abortion amendment. “Mormons believe the Jewish people are the chosen people, just like the Old Testament says.” In short, he loves the Jews.
And based on an early sampling of listeners, the feeling could be mutual.
Well, it’s not mutual for this Jew. And I think I have a good reason why.
Maybe I’m crazy, but Hatch’s feelings about Jews smack of those people who think of Jews as the Chosen People because of what they signified for their religion and how a strong Israel was something that bolstered Christianity. Enough people have spoken about how Israel will help to usher in Armageddon wherein the righteous will be saved. Except, y’know, the Jews who live in Israel, because they haven’t accepted the Messiah. There’s an excellent analysis and history of that view at beliefnet. Now, to be fair, this is most prevalent and visible among Evangelicals, and Hatch is a Mormon. But that’s not to say his faith hasn’t written about that in its scripture (my emphasis):
The assistance which the Gentiles are to give in the preparation of the Jews, and of the remnant of the house of Israel established on the western continent, is affirmed by several Book of Mormon prophets; and, moreover, the blessings which the Gentiles may thus bring upon themselves are described in detail. A single quotation must suffice for our present purpose; and this the declaration of the risen Lord, during His brief ministration among the Nephites:
“But if they [the Gentiles] will repent, and hearken unto my words, and harden not their hearts, I will establish my church among them, and they shall come in unto the covenant and be numbered among this the remnant of Jacob, unto whom I have given this land for their inheritance; And they shall assist my people, the remnant of Jacob, and also as many of the house of Israel as shall come, that they may build a city, which shall be called the New Jerusalem. And then shall they assist my people that they may be gathered in, who are scattered upon all the face of the land, in unto the New Jerusalem. And then shall the power of heaven come down among them; and I also will be in the midst. And then shall the work of the Father commence at that day, even when this gospel shall be preached among the remnant of this people. Verily I say unto you, at that day shall the work of the Father commence among all the dispersed of my people, yea, even the tribes which have been lost, which the Father hath led away out of Jerusalem. Yea, the work shall commence among all the dispersed of my people, with the Father, to prepare the way whereby they may come unto me, that they may call on the Father in my name. Yea, and then shall the work commence, with the Father, among all nations, in preparing the way whereby his people may be gathered home to the land of their inheritance.”
Got all that? Yeah, “preparation of Jews” kind of freaks me out. Which brings me to Hatch. Look, I can’t speak for the man’s personal beliefs. But I am a bit uncomfortable with Hanukkah songs that are penned by someone whose faith subscribes to the notion that Jews must be turned to Christianity to be saved, and that Gentiles are the ones to do that. And there’s this: At one point, Mr. Hatch unbuttons his white dress shirt to expose the golden mezuzah necklace he wears every day. Mezuzahs also adorn the doorways of his homes in Washington and Utah. Mr. Hatch keeps a Torah in his Senate office. “Not a real Torah, but sort of a mock Torah,” he said. “I feel sorry I’m not Jewish sometimes.” Um, then maybe convert? And what’s a mock Torah, anyway?
The Times article closes on this note:
He said his ultimate goal would be for his idol, Ms. Streisand, to perform one of his songs. “It would be good for her and good for me,” Mr. Hatch said, while acknowledging that given her outspoken liberalism, that union might require another miracle.
Yes, it would be good for her. Yay for religious paternalism! Now, I’m off to pretend I have latkes and sing “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel.” Sorry, Orrin. I’ll pass on your song.
When I first read this, I fumed to Sarah, why doesn’t he just get a real Torah for his office if he wants one so much? I don’t care if non-Jews want to have mezuzot or even Torahs–there’s no prohibition on them owning either– but the fact he has a “mock” Torah is so emblematic of Hatch’s fetishization of Judaism. It’s not real respect for our religion or our Scripture–he’s just co-opting its history and symbols for his own religion.
And speaking of Hatch’s religion–the LDS were so intent on this co-opting of Jews and Judaism that they made it part of their religious practice to try to baptize Jews posthumously–using live proxies–so that Jews could come hang out in Mormon heaven with them.
Around here we celebrate the holiday with a steaming bowl of mock Torah soup. Not because mock Torah is tasty, but, you know, turtle isn’t kosher.
All of the Mormons I have ever met have been really nice and sincerely good people, like “Hey person I don’t know who is alone in a strange town, won’t you come have dinner with me and my family and then play some board games with us?” nice. In that context, a lot of stuff that their church gets up to is weird and doubly off-putting.
@bellacoker: I know, right?
A beloved family member of mine (on the non-Jewish side) converted to Mormonism precisely because she was drawn to the friendly, kind, charitable aspects of the Mormon community. Unfortunately she’s never been the kind of person to read the fine print or ask too many questions. Once she’d become a church member, she realized she was deeply uncomfortable with the religion itself, particularly the baptism for the dead, the exclusion of her non-Mormon family members, the homophobia and the unrelenting subordination of women in the home and church.
So she stopped going to church…and they came after her. Church members called and visited her house so often in an effort to bring her back into the fold that she was really alarmed and ultimately changed her number and moved. There are many positive things about the LDS community, but there’s a difference between their p.r. presentation–with its jello salads and heart-warming family togetherness–and the actual practice/beliefs of the religion, many of which I find wrongheaded or downright offensive.
I believe a mock Torah is a giant rolled-up slab of prosciutto.
I think what it boils down to for me is that I cannot stand it when any group of people tells another that they know what’s best for that other group, be it Mormons telling Jews, men telling women, whites telling POCs, and so on. Clean your own house before you worry about what you perceive as somebody else’s mess.
It simply rubs me the wrong way that someone who is *not* Jewish is attempting to write songs for a Jewish holiday. Shouldn’t someone who actually celebrates the holiday do that??
I’m really more atheist than Jew these days, but something about the words “Mock Torah” offends me on a visceral level I can’t explain. That said, PhDork and bellacoker made me giggle a lot.
I was raised to treat Hanukkah like the minor festival it once was and while I sympathize with a family’s wish that their kids not be left out of the December gifty goodness, and I might well have been one of those moms if my husband weren’t a Christmas celebrating goy, things like this make me wonder where the push for Hanukkah came from. Because sometimes I feel like it’s as much from Christians as Jews, and in a kind of patronizing way. “We’re all different, but the same. We celebrate Christmas and Jews celebrate Hanukkah and they’re different, but similar!” Maybe I’ve just seen too many children’s Christmas shows with token Hanukkah mentions, but it feels off to me.
@Av0gadro: No, it’s not just you. Hanukkah’s turned into this Jew Christmas celebration that to me just smacks of tokenism. Like, Just so you people don’t feel left out, we’ll mention your little candle-lighting fest, and maybe we’ll put this one lonely menorah on a little table near the ginormous Xmas tree and garlands and creche and Santa and reindeer.
It’s even more ridiculous when you consider that there are other religions with just as many–if not more–adherents than Judaism in the US who don’t even rate a token mention, simply because their holidays don’t fall conveniently close to Xmas on the calendar.
I know several born-again christians (through work) and they LOVE co-opting Jewish ritual and traditions, like mezuzah’s. Apparently one year they were having their Passover Sedar (which they always do) and they actually asked a Jewish co-worker where he got his goat that he slaughtered. They wanted to slaughter a goat! They were very surprised to hear he didn’t do that.
eta: Seder
I’d like to add non-Jews joining Jewish internet dating sites to the list of co-optation. I joined Jdate for a while and could not figure out what non-Jews were doing on there, aside from fetishization.
@pedimd: I find that odd too–because JDate is so obviously meant to be Jews ISO other Jews. But I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt–if people are open to dating members of another faith/ethnicity, or think they might want to convert to Judaism, that’s a plus in my book. I don’t like to think of Judaism or Jewish culture as a treehouse with a “NO GOYS” sign on it.
@BeckySharper: OK, I will give the benefit of the doubt to people who are thinking of converting or in the process, but I don’t think that really covers most of the non-Jews on Jdate.
If you are not Jewish, but open to dating people of any faith, why look go to a site that is specifically for people who don’t want to date outside their faith? I think that’s disrespectful and reminds me of the many discussions I have read here and elsewhere re: “what about teh menz?” I mean, really, there’s like, what, maybe two online dating sites directed specifically at Jews wanting to date other Jews, and a million other dating websites for everyone else, but these non-Jews have to use the site that’s specfically not for them.
I have a fear that if I were to ask the non-Jews on JDate why they’re there, I’d get an answer that starts with “Because Jewish women/men are . . . ” and I can’t imagine how that sentence could end without insulting me in some way.
@bluebears:
Perhaps those folks were getting their wandering tribal peoples confused: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buzkashi
@pedimd: Yeah, I’d be loathe to ask that question too. I’ve heard too many wrong answers–”Because Jewish guys are rich! And smart!”
Full disclosure: I’ve used JDate and I’m open to–and actively–dating non-Jews. All things being equal, I’d rather marry someone of the same religion, but it’s not my first criterion. I suspect there are a fair number of people who use it the same way. I never felt like JDate was one of those “OMG, we must FEAR assimilation!” Jewish dating sites.
@BeckySharper: Did you ever start dating a non-Jew that you met on Jdate? And, if so, did you ever ask them why they were on there in the first place?
@pedimd: Nah, never did. None of them ever approached me and I never sought them out. Frankly, my experience with JDate was pretty underwhelming–when it came to on-line dating, I had much better luck with other sites.
@BeckySharper: Hmmm, good to know. I tried it for a few months and seemed to attract a weird array of men (mostly Jewish). I’m not very internet-savvy, so I thought it was something I was doing wrong.
@pedimd: Nope, not you. That was definitely my JDate experience as well.
It simply rubs me the wrong way that someone who is *not* Jewish is attempting to write songs for a Jewish holiday. Shouldn’t someone who actually celebrates the holiday do that??
I’d be rubbed more wrongly if a Jew hadn’t written the most famous Christmas song of all time, plus many others.
/relurks
A mock Torah? Is that anything like a mock frog?
@KathleenB: OMG, you win the internets with that Monty Python reference!
I actually think that the blame for the absurd inflation of Hanukkah into a BFD can be laid at the feet of the God of Capitalism. I mean, an EIGHT DAY observance? “Come, Chosen People! Bring us your gelt!”
And s.o.a.l.g., please write lyrics to “Grandma Got Run Over By a Dreidel.” (Or would that be “Bubbe Got Run Over By a Dreidel”?)
@Shauna:
Isn’t it different since that was his job? I mean, Orrin Hatch makes laws which apply to Jewish people all the time, but it’s not usurptatious because it’s what he’s paid to do. In his spare time he likes to write holiday songs for religions in which he does not participate? That’s odd.
Also, you should hear my kick ass new Davali song. It’s a lot like Hannukah, with the lights, but set on a different continent.
@Shauna: One of the big differences, especially in the case of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, is that particular song was geared as a marketing device by people (Marks Department Store) who clearly were not interested in the religious topicality of the song. And I actually do celebrate Christmas because my father is not Jewish, and love Christmas music. The thing that irks me about Hatch is not that he wrote the song per se, but his attitude towards Judaism, which seems to be paternalistic and viewing it as a faith that will aid the goals of his religion.
Orrin Hatch, don’t do us any favors. We’ve got enough tsuris without you and your fundie right wing friends.
I agree that the phrase “mock Torah” isn’t especially tasteful.
I had a revelation this weekend about all those asinine menorah-mobiles. For those of you who may not have had the privilege, the Lubovitchers, a particularly virulent right-wing sect, strap huge wooden menorahs on their cars during Chanukah. Around here, they insist on having a motorcade during the holiday that ties up traffic all over this part of town, makes people laugh and point, and mortifies me completely. I realized that half the people who are now Lubovitchers are converts from some more liberal form of Judaism, and they’re still smarting about having to sing Christmas carols or not having a tree or whatever it is they feel shortchanged about. So this is their revenge. It’s totally “mine is bigger” and “look at meeeee!”.
The thing is, though, that for people who claim to be the real Jews, they’re acting in a way that warps the Jewish calendar beyond recognition. We are centered around our fall and spring holidays. Forcing all this attention to a holiday that isn’t even biblical in origin and has no real role in the ritual year is a twisting of the way we live and see the world.
But they probably love Orrin Hatch.
Oh, and Orrin? Keep your hands off our ritual objects. Man, that burns me. Don’t display or wear mezuzzah, don’t buy a tallit because you think they look pretty, don’t co-opt our holidays. We’ll do the same for you. It’s not okay, no matter what self-appointed Best Jew In The World Joe Lieberman says.That is all.
@ Ph.Dork: You know that this isn’t the only 8 day holiday we have. Sukkot and Passover are also 8 days, because they were originally pilgrimage festivals, when you went to Jerusalem to sacrifice at the Temple.
I’ve been arguing for a while now that we should shift our gift-giving time to Sukkot, since it’s already a joyful time. So far it hasn’t caught on.
mm:
I’ve heard parallels drawn between decorating the sukkah (sp?) and Xmas tree decorating.
@bellacoker: I agree. It is sort of odd to decorate a structure that’s supposed to represent a temporary dwelling, but it’s fun to do anyhow.
I’m not sure why I feel compelled to mention this little piece of personal hypocrisy, but I’m really okay with Bob Dylan making a Christmas album.
I mean, I don’t know whether or not he is a practicing Jew and all of the royalties are going to a charity, so it’s not a perfect comparison, but I don’t have the same negative reaction.
That’s all.