As if it’s not enough that women can get our labia mauled beautified by plastic surgeons, we apparently need to dye them as well. Behold My New Pink Button, a ” Cosmetic Dye especially for the woman’s genital area, to help restore that healthy vibrant Rosy color. [sic]” Click at your peril; you may need a barf bag on standby.
This product had Dodai at Jezebel asking:
My New Pink Button is pitched as a product which “restores sexual confidence to Women everywhere!” But it seems like it could actually instill anxiety — if you didn’t know you were supposed to have a “youthful” look between your legs, doesn’t the discovery of this stuff foster insecurity?
Well, yeah. Fostering insecurity the only way to sell this crap. Like labiaplasty, anal bleaching, breast augmentation, et al., Pink Button exists only because of the beauty culture propaganda that tells our normal, healthy bodies are ugly. With all the mentions of “fresh’ and “youthful” looking pussies, the creators get bonus misogyny points for ageism.
But rather than rant about all that–which y’all have heard me do plenty of times before–I’d like to talk gender equality. Men’s privates also change color with age.The turgid reddish-purple erection of a 20 year old does not last into middle age–unless the man takes a vasodialator like Viagra, in which case, turgid purpleness is a dead giveaway. And just as an erection doesn’t have to be red and rock-hard to give and receive pleasure, a vulva that’s not glistening pink and “youthful” works just fine too. So I was pleased to see that Pink Button comes with this important user information:
Q. “Can you use this solution on other body parts”?
A. Yes, this can be used on the nipples and men’s genitals.
Dudes! Is your cock is looking a bit…old? Not fresh or young or studly enough? Want to show her the hot red throbber of your youth? I’ve got the perfect product for you! Just don’t expect to find it in my medicine cabinet.
Wow…. I did not even know this was an “issue” until I read this.
How completely unnecessary.
I’m sad now.
That’s because it’s NOT an issue. It is decidedly a non-issue.
Does there remain a square-inch of flesh that doesn’t need to be slathered with chemical goop, the better to appear “fresh” and “natural”?
This is the LAST part of my body that I want to put “chemicals” on, thankyouverymuch. JESUS H CHRIST! I’m angry now.
Some things are best left in the dark …
I wonder if it rubs off of the sheets. Solutions usually lead to unexpected problems.
@bella: Ew, gross. Good point. I can totally see how a night of love–and the resulting wetness–would lead to stained sheets.
It’s fucking awful. But so is douching, frankly.
Also…if you use the stuff and your partner goes down on you, does he/she wind up with a pink mouth/chin from the dye rubbing off?
Yeah, if this became an issue for me and my partners, I think I would save my $30 and invest in some cherry kool-aid. Oh, yeah!!
@bluebears: True dat.
This is going to seem random, but bear with me. I work at a spa. Working with as many woman as I do, I walk into a lot of off beat work place conversations. One of the girls was training to do Brazilian waxings and needed someone to practice on. It’s a little strange to just pull yours pants down in front of a co-worker knowing that she’s about to shine a very bright light on your lady parts. The conversation I walked in on was something like this:
a: ‘Well… I’m not sure. What if mine doesn’t look right? What if it’s not good enough?’
b: ‘Are you kidding?! They’re all good. They’re all perfect just the way they are.’
a: ‘Are you sure? How do you know?’
b: ‘I promise. Pussies are all perfect the way they are. They’re all good.’
This post just made me think of that one little feminist moment of work place entertainment.
That can’t be healthy.
Also, I can’t help thinking that if we’re producing and consuming products like these, society must be about to crumble into a heap of ex-decadence. Seriously? We have nothing better to do?
ahhhh-me: good for B!
@ahhh-me: That’s a GREAT story! Love it!
@Endora: Srsly. $29.95 for a box of pink dye for your pussy?
I like how on the FAQ they say that having “brown” labia minora is perfectly normal and then on the next answer they’re like, “We’ve developed a solution to this common problem!” Also how there are multiple colors that they named after Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, etc. These poor women. So classy in life, doomed to such terrible merchandising in death.
@BeckySharper, as my room-mate said after I told her about it: “No, I’m not wearing clown make-up, I just went down on my girlfriend.”
And as the two of us decided last night, the last thing I need to worry about while dancing in a sweaty nightclub is “Is my cunt running?”
Please.
@GeekGirls: Okay, I LOLd at that…”Is my cunt running?” “Yes!” “Well, go catch it!”
Not to mention the FAQ literally lists “ethnicity” as one of the causes of “brown lips” or whatever. Dye your race away, look just like perfect young white ladies! Sickening.
“Anal bleaching” always makes me think of “anal leeching.” I’m not sure that actually exists, but it’s enough to put me off anal bleaching.
As for the product at hand (ahem), I’d prefer to dye my ladyflower canary yellow. It’s my favorite color, and it would be a true test of a partner’s devotion. Maybe add some Yankee pinstripes once in a while, y’know, when it’s playoff season.
Also…if you use the stuff and your partner goes down on you, does he/she wind up with a pink mouth/chin from the dye rubbing off?
Ew, Becky, why would anyone do such a thing? Don’t you know a woman’s role during sex is to look pretty (and PINK!) for a man?
I blame porn, as I blame it for all of the new genital beauty imperatives for women.
Also, my vulva is dark brown like they’re supposed to be. Pink isn’t the color of youth or health. It’s not a normal state for most people in the world, and I’m sick to death of hearing about how small and neat and plasticine it needs to be.
Yep, Hana Maru, I could not agree more. I totally blame porn. And recent porn, too. If you look at porn from the 70s and 80s, nearly all those women had full bushes.
Any sexual partner who thinks my labia are not “pink” enough are getting kicked the fuck out of my bed.
Oops, like IT’S supposed to be, is what I meant.
I think that recent porn, with its close-ups has made the color and size of labia more of a thing, but I think that porn, generally, has contributed heavily to the state of intense objectification we have now, where men feel more entitled than ever to dissect and be critical of women’s bodies, and women feel the pressure of the ramped up male gaze.
HanaMaru, are you me? Because that’s exactly my thinking. Prior to the mainstreaming of het porn, neither men nor women spent a great deal of time staring at lots and lots of naked genitals. There was never that kind of mainstream idealized notion of what vulvas should look like until we started seeing and eroticizing one particular kind on a regular basis.
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