(That's the closest I could find to a harpy.) Via rbieber @ Flickr
As we were discussing our first year, our pleasures and regrets and hopes and plans, one of the conclusions we reached was this: we’ve got a pretty roomy nest here, let’s invite some visitors!
We have amazing readers and commenters, who come from lots of different places, and have had a variety of experiences. Those differences have enriched the conversation immensely. On several occasions in the last year we’ve hosted guest posts, and we’d like to expand that aspect of Harpyness in the future, so, with that in mind, this week’s FFT is:
If you were to guest at TPoH, what would you write about?
We’ve done rants, features, seminars, take-downs, reviews, think-pieces, overshares and fluff, and we welcome those and just about anything else you got. So whatcha got?
I think that pic is of a culcha vulcha.
I might write about being a clinic escort. Or maybe something I’ve been thinking about, which is ritual circumcision and whether we Jews should keep doing that. Although that topic might be a bit too parochial, as it were.
@MM I would love to hear you discuss ritual circumcision.
I’ve been attending a weekly discussion group about sexism and racism. Some of the topics are soooo interesting. Eg, “What percent of men do you think engage in domestic violence?” or “If a campus went dry, would sexual assaults be reduced?” etc. It’s sponsored by a NY Model Batterer Programs. http://www.nymbp.org/
@MM: I’d be curious to hear about both those.
Personally, I’m hoping I have only daughters and will thus avoid the whole circumsicion issue entirely.
Oh, this is so much pressure. I think I would write about problematizing masculinity as a feminist act, maybe as a seminar with my bf involved. Or, team up with MM to do a post about escorting. Or, do an overshare about this predatory douchebag I used to be involved with and how he’s now involved with a friend and it’s giving me pains, since I’d be interested to see what the Harpy community thinks I should do.
I should say that I think anything the readership would come up with would be fascinating because you’re such an interesting, smart bunch of women (and men!).
Oohhhhh……..maybe my experiences as a survivor and victim advocate for sexual assault. Hospital accompaniments and the like, plus the joy of being a family court advocate in DV cases.
I’ve been thinking lately that I would like to write a Cross-Referenced Compendium of Patriarchal Beauty Standards for Women. From pedicured toes, to extension-filled hair, to a bleached anus, it seems like we have reached a point where there is no cell in a woman’s body that doesn’t have a certain way it should be or look. (Even our insides. Have you seen those “Beautify your insides” commercials for fiber supplements?) I think rounding up all the rules would serve to highlight how ridiculous and onerous the rules really are.
These are great!
I worried that people would feel pressured, and it is a *bit* on-the-spot-y, but don’t freak. A post is a great place to try out ideas, get feedback, ponder and query. No book reports necessary.
I would do a post about being an Indian female (feminist!)who was born and raised in the United States. A lot of educated people still believe India is a place of horrible sexism. There are parts of Indian culture that are sexist (as Becky showed), but it is a also a place where women in much larger numbers than the United States pursue science and technology degrees and the daughters of Indian immigrants are expected to be just as accomplished as males. People still ask me questions I consider backwards, like if my parents were unhappy to have a daughter and if will be forced into a arranged marriage.
Hmm . . . I’m not really sure. Potentially something about my experiences about growing up with a manipulative, emotionally abusive mother, and how complicated our relationship is — which could qualify as an overshare. It’s a subject that I frequently hash over in my mind, and I find airing it really helps. I love my mother, don’t get me wrong, but our relationship is . . . interesting.
Something about how many women are struggling with invisible disabilities (such as autoimmune conditions), compared to men, and because of that, why it’s such a complex, hidden, thing. If men got these conditions in the same numbers as women, I think workplaces and public expectations would be a whole lot different.
I love all these ideas!
hmmm….I don’t know if I have any great ideas, this is why I didn’t pursue a graduate degree in one of the humanities, I love reading but not so good at ideas for areas of study. I’m lazy!
I’d love having more like, book club type chats. Like maybe announce a book (something feminist-y) and then a month later discuss? In the comments and the OP?
@Becky, I am so with you on the wishing for daughters thing. I would love a little boy someday, but the pressure to choose circumcision would be out of control.
Jenny, I could totally write a post about that same subject, and would like to read about similar experiences.
Otherwise, maybe something comparing the way my perception of what it means to be a woman has been influenced by attitudes in each of the (four) countries I’ve lived in?
@ Ms. M
I would also write about how women suffer invisible disabilities and how it has shaped my life and personality (I have been afflicted with chronic GI disorders since childhood). I say personality because the one thing I don’t suffer from is depression, which continuously confounds my doctors since statistically, I should. That doesn’t mean my workplace doesn’t provide plenty of things that make me want to bang my head though.
I second JennyK’s suggestion…. I think listing ALL the expectations for female appearance would be really REALY eye opening. I think that one would be SO AWESOME! Please, do it next Harpies!
Commenters could do most of the work for ‘ya.
Y’all, we are loving these ideas!! There are definitely some posts being born in this thread….
I might talk about the resurgence of the idea of “modesty” that’s happening. Not necessarily the idea of modesty that you see touted out in the Pure Fashion shows and the people who proclaim to be “modern modests,” but the idea of modesty as having an intrinsic knowledge of what is right and comfortable for yourself as an individual, when it comes to clothing, relationships, sex, etc. (all the “pitfalls” of womanhood we hear so much about). This is Wendy Shalit’s platform, and while I by no means agree with everything she argues, her ideas intrigue me and at a young age did help inform choices I made that for me were incredibly empowering. Amongst the feminists I know, her works are some of the most dividing.
@Katie: I have a love-hate relationship with Shalit and her writing, and I did post about it early on, but it’s definitely worth discussing again.
Original post:
http://www.harpyness.com/2009/02/19/cover-up/
Oh, also! I really connected to Sady Doyle’s response to the Shirky article and have been thinking a lot over the past few months what sort of sacrifices I’m willing to make for my career. I’ve already run into a situation where expressing how sexism made me uncomfortable led my boss to hate me for the rest of my term of employment and I can’t imagine it’ll be the only time. I’d be interested in doing a meditation/rant on what expectations are on women in the sciences and how to balance being confident about my abilities and faithful to my philosophies with what it takes to continue being employed, but it would mostly be filled with questions since I’m…not in the workforce yet.
Wow, these are all terrific ideas, and I hope to see them come to fruition!
As for me, I could write about the feminist crisis of conscious I had when I left my corporate law job. I felt that I had a duty to stick it out and try to make the path smoother for the women who would follow me. I still struggle with feeling like I sacrificed an opportunity to try to advance the cause for women in the workplace on the alter of personal happiness.
I’ve been interested at looking at positive portrayals of women in media, like there is a commercial running currently for Ameriprise where all of the “financial advisors” are well put together, normal looking, middle aged women. I think it is trying to communciate that women aren’t going to take stupid risks which leave you and your money fucked, and that is fascinating.
Also, I’ve been pondering the differences between these two Biblical ideals of women:
http://www.proverbs31woman.com/
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Titus+2%3A3-5&version=NIV
“altar”
@MM, I don’t think that a post about ritual circumcision would be too parochial. Culture and ritual are important aspects of the issue. And given that most boys in the U.S. are circumcised, I’d bet that there would be plenty of jumping off points in your post to discuss the matter more generally.
I’d love to write something (either as part of a seminar or as a guest post) on what constitutes feminist activism or resistance. I’m an academic feminist, so this is part of my work, but I’ve actually grown increasingly worried by the question recently, especially in light of the current fight between Jessica Valenti and Nina Power (see http://bit.ly/aLo2iO and http://bit.ly/arBHpp for more on this). I’m especially interested in thinking about how feminists can make systematic critiques of political/class/gender oppression while still recognizing the value in the sorts of things Valenti does…and, really, that blogs like this do as well.
I’d be interested in exploring the complex feelings of guilt and complicity I felt when I realized someone I knew many many years ago was a registered sex offender, and the silence surrounding this individual’s offenses within the community I still share with him.
Some ideas off the top of my head…
-Anything/everything to do with language in relation to gender. I’m a linguist and I can talk for hours about why I think “they/their” should be standardized as a singular as well as a plural as opposed to always saying “he/she” and “his/her” or using invented pronouns like “ze/hir”—of course, that would be open to debate, that’s just my viewpoint. Also, some studies I’ve read suggested that women often tend to reply to questions with a tone that sounds like another question—we can explore that, pick it apart sociologically, think about the ramifications, point out counterexamples, etc. And those are just the first two intersections I thought of!
-Reasons why while it’s absolutely right to foster sisterhood and not be exclusionary, it’s wrong to absolve women of deserved criticism just because they’re women, as I’ve seen in some feminist circles. In fact, I find that kind of insulting since to me it smacks of the old patriarchal “go easy on the girls” trope internalized.
-Exploring what middle ground there is between appropriating masculinity and reclaiming femininity, as both sides of that issue have been problematic; then again, we can also explore any non-obvious issues androgyny may bring about.
I had no idea when I first read this post, but after a discussion on Jezebel today, I think I’d write about my experiences as the secondary girlfriend in a polyamorous relationship.
I’d love to write about being a young sober woman (amidst NYC’s Bar Culture, no less), the sexual assault I experienced as I hit bottom, being a Woman and A Sports Fan and Why Sometimes That Sucks. Also, the topic of bringing up sex in conversation when you’re dating/getting to know a new guy friend and how quickly that changes the tone of the relationship. I’d love to write for you ladies anytime, also
I’d love to read about your real-life encounters with the so-called “mommy wars”, and the whole stay at home dilemma. (Btw, Tall-in-Heels, you aren’t obligated to live as An Example To The Patriarchy. We’re all entitled to live the lives we choose-and that’s a good enough example!)
The modesty issue is of interest to me as well, and linguistics, and…squee! It’s like reading a menu at your favorite restaurant-everything sounds great! I’m looking forward to some fascinating reading.
Thanks for inviting us to do this, Harpies!
I have no doubt that it will be our distinct pleasure, MM. Y’all are a goldmine of awesomesauce.
I would love to post about one of my favorite feminist medical topics: the hymen! I think everyone here would agree that virginity is a cultural construct, but did you know that science backs that up? Hardly any hymen is ever “intact” in the way that most people picture it. You are not “popped open” at first penetration. A doctor (or anyone else who might be looking) can’t usually tell if you have been penetrated (consensually or not) and it’s not because riding a horse/vigorous athletic activity/tampons can damage your hymen. Because that’s not true either. Which means that “virginity checks” are bogus. And cosmetic sugery to the hymen is kind of useless, as well as a waste of money, and might be some kind of medical fraud.
@pedimd: I love it! When I had my first pelvic exam, the nurse-midwife checked me and said that I still had a “wisp” of a hymen. But I didn’t have any pain the first time I had intercourse, so yeah, I’m calling bullshit on the whole “popping the cherry” thing, at least for me.
@pedimd – I did a whole paper on that for a class on the history of sexuality. I’d love to read your take!
The only two things I could offer: being just one of a handful of women in the armed forces and what that has been like so far. That doesn’t sound like much but let me tell you sexism is alive and well in the branches.
And the other would be being a Mexican/Cuban with very Catholic upbringing and what that has cost me in my personal growth and enlightenment.
I am woman hear me bitch.
And yes I say handful because it’s still a pathetic small number compaired to the penis group.
Not much I could really offer in terms of groundbreaking. I primarily write little things on a few topics:
Redneck in the City: Two years, I left a low-income town of 600 people in Montana to attend law school on the East Coast. The reactions I get here, and I think a lot about how much progressivism, feminism, and America as an establishment have to learn about Rural America and it’s inhabitants.
Mixed Martial Arts Fighting: I do write about how I compete in female mixed martial arts fighting, and why a woman would even want to break into a sport that generally involves punching, throwing people around, choking out, and is generally violent as hell.
Taking Pleasure of Out Pain: I’ve always toyed with the idea of writing about masochism as a kink, orientation, or otherwise. I have never been pain-adverse and have always found some painful stimuli as a pretty pleasurable part of life and, yeah, sex. But especially with the advent of violent porn, it’s gotten a lot harder to have a frank conversation about masochistic behavior and what it means for women who like it.
@drahill: “Redneck in the City” sounds awesome. I could write the sequel: “West Coast Liberal Elitist in What’s the Matter with Kansas.”
Hey, I do not proport to know anything about what the matter with Kansas is. It’s best claim is that it is not Arkansas. Also, that it has less tornados than Texas.
Ooh all this stuff sounds really interesting. I have so many half-formed blog posts in my head (or hard drive) but I suck at regularly updating blogs, and work best when given prompts. When it comes to feminism, my rage is so interconnected and huge that winnowing my thoughts into one idea is very difficult. Which is also why my comments on blogs are so long.
I’d probably write about my experience working at an elite high school, and what it was like to be a young, female, openly feminist teacher in a patriarchal environment. I had several eye-opening experiences with students, both wonderful and depressing. I’d probably write about the depressing ones, because they’re more telling about the way the patriarchy is working on young people today.
I think I might like to write about feminism and my dog. How much he’s changed my life, in how safe I feel now that I have him, and also how I’ve found that the most intense group of people in terms of their pets, in general, is internet feminists. And why it is that pets take on such an intense role in feminists in particular, both as companions and as animals.
Finally, I’d probably like to write about my siblings. I have a heinous and conservative rape apologist brother, and a feminist artist sister, neither of whom I’m close to, even though my sister and I are extremely similar and would probably be best friends if we weren’t sisters. And how my parents structured our house so that their kids would never be close to each other (they didn’t do this on purpose), and how sad it is that I hate my brother and find it impossible to strike up a genuine relationship with my sister.
So many good ideas!
How about:
1) A Friday Fun Thread where people write about the time they first realized they were a feminist. (I remember my moment very clearly. I hate you Mr. Flannery, crappy 8th grade history teacher!)
2) A post discussing why women, in general, are more religious than men (whether it be the traditional Judeo/Christian/Islamic religions or the more New Age type religions incl. self-help books and horoscope type things) and the positives and negatives that are born out of that.
Honestly, specifically I’ve been thinking about something I perceive as a negative coming out of that – that women often give up a sense of agency in their own lives to things like this. I don’t know if this IS true or not, but it often SEEMS this way to me. (BTW- I don’t have any real background/authority to write anything about this, but it’s something I wonder about a lot. Heh. Maybe it’s just my own issue! Maybe others have some thoughts about it, too. :O)
3) A thread on how to respond to co-worker stupidity like when they snicker “cat-fight” when two women disagree on something/are irritated with each other.
Thanks for letting us chime in on possible topics, Harpies!
I am so pumped right now! So many awesome potential guest posts in here…
These are such exciting ideas! Thanks for providing the space for this, Harpies.
I’m an employee at a major greeting card company. As such, I spend a lot of time thinking about how the greeting card industry is yet another (fairly unexamined) place where gender is policed. (This happens with race also. This particular company has a “special” line of cards for black customers that are, I suppose, meant as progress. But the cards instead work as another means of defining black customers as “other” and “non-standard”.)
(2) an examination of
Oops! Looks like my computer cut off the rest of my comment.
(2) an examination of the way that rape victims/survivors are often treated as “marked” or “other” in some way even by close friends and supporters. (As a very vocal survivor myself) I’m convinced that because of our society’s reluctance to identify and name rapists for what they are, survivors are often treated as though they alone are responsible not just for THEIR rape, but for the very existence of rape.
I have a number of sympathetic friends and family members who have never, ever blamed me for my rape. They don’t participate in the culture of victim blaming by any stretch. But they’re uncomfortable with the topic in general, and often that discomfort gets projected onto me. I come to represent something horrifying, something they don’t really want to think about. So I’d like to examine – especially with contributions from other survivors, if they’re willing – the ways that women who have been raped are treated as “marked” even by those who intend to be supportive.
I think you need someone to write about the doodz, cuz what about the doodz?
Ohh harpies, maybe you could turn this list into a menu, and open a virtual restaurant called “the food of harpyness”. I most certainly would love to dine there, and engage with the chef and listen to what the other diners had to say.
I’ve found listening (metaphorically of course!) to the posts and comments here have caused me to rethink some of my views. I, at times, can overvisit because I want to see what other comments have arrived since I pressed the reset button.
In particular I wouldn’t mind a further analysis/rehash of the porn post that evolved from Becky’s stint at Bitch. It was one that definately caused me to rethink of a number of issues.
More stuff about bodies. JennyK’s idea for the post about beauty standards would be great. And other posts akin to the ones recently on body hair of the non-head variety, and the one about hair on the head.
I would love to share my absolute fascination with Donna Haraway (especially her conception of cyborg), Luce Irigaray, and Elsbeth Probyn (her stuff on affect, and reinserting the biological body into feminist discourse is interesting).
I’d like to over-share with the harpy tribe:
* some of the things that happened, especially comments that were directed at me, when I was in my first full-time job. * what is was like to deal with a partner with an adiction, and how being a feminist helped get me through it.
* being the eldest daughter, and second oldest child of a very large family; in particular how that paved the way to feminism
* my mum and how she taught me to care for myself (emotionally, physically, psychologically and sexually).
For fun, the federal opposition leader here in Australia, Tony Abbott, comes out with some unbelievable comments eg the piece of advice he would give to his daughters is “female virginity is a gift to the person you marry, don’t give it away” (I’m paraphrasing here); how would you like your dad giving you sex advice like that through the MSM?. Maybe a section about some of the things that male politicians put there, especially the redonkulous.
Late to the game, but I’d write about feminist mothering. Of particular interest to me is how to raise feminist children, and especially feminist sons.
The socio-cultural deck seems stacked against parents who strive to raise their children free from “obligations” of gender. How do we combat that?
It may be a bit dry, especially compared to the other suggestions, but I always find the use of fallacious reasoning, particularly in online discourse, to be fascinating particularly when it is perpetrated by prolific mansplainers. I think the divergence between the newly minted mainsplaining and logical fallacies is fascinating.
@TVille I will never get tired of the question “How do you raise a feminist son?” Please, harpies, can we have a semi-regular column on that topic?
I’d like to write about the philosophical, moral and political difficulties of doing criminal defense work and being feminist, maybe focusing on constitutional problems with domestic violence courts, defending rapists, etc. I’m pretty devoted to the rights enshrined in the US Constitution but also recognize that the concept of liberty protected there is based on the kinds of threats that men face to their liberty, not women. At the same time, men and not women are overwhelmingly the subject of state coercion and control in terms of the criminal justice system.