Comments on: Commenter Ocean_Breeze On Being A Woman In The Military

By: Christina Boykin

Christina Boykin — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 22:29:06 +0000

I am thrilled, THRILLED that you wrote this. I have been looking for a post that accurately tells it like it is for women in the military. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I would be curious to hear what you think about the current idea to possibly change the policy barring women from being assigned combat duty? Best, Christina Christina Boykin’s last blog post: Women Are Too Sexy For Combat

By: Blondegrlz

Blondegrlz — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 20:34:03 +0000

I too am ashamed I’m reading this far too many days late but THANK YOU for sharing your experinces and for your service. I’m the granddaughter of three service members, the daughter of a retired Coast Guard officer, the wife to an enlisted Navy man and my best friend joined the Air Force in college (she got out last year and is using her GI bill to finish school). So obviously I’ve heard a lot of first hand accounts of military life – but never one as honest and detailed as yours. My BFF did have very similar experiences when at her first post (she even use the term dorm whore) and also felt there was a real lack of support and encouragement between women. She said it was disheartening to not have a single close female friend for four years – although she did meet her now husband during a deployment.

By: kate

kate — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 16:56:56 +0000

Ocean_Breeze, thank you so much, I appreciate that a ton.

I forgot to mention that if I ever make any money from the book (very unlikely), it will go to a veterans’ services organization of some kind — I need to do a bit more research before I choose one, but recommendations would be great.

By: SarahMC

SarahMC — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 12:11:08 +0000

I’m ashamed of how belated this is, but THANK YOU! Ocean_Breeze for your service and for writing this for Harpyness.

By: Ocean_breeze

Ocean_breeze — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 03:09:09 +0000

@MM

That is a Toughy for me. I don’t think I will. I’m using my time while in to fuel my edumacation (lol) and to pay for it. When my next three years are up I hope to be able to support myself in other ways and to hopefully have more control in my life. Military isn’t bad but I feel a need for change. Maybe I will opt to be a parent when I get out (single or not). Whatever it may be I am not worried. I have faith in figuring it out.

By: mischiefmanager

mischiefmanager — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 02:42:26 +0000

Thanks for responding to my question, O-B!

Do you see the military as a lifetime career?

By: Ocean_breeze

Ocean_breeze — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:56:41 +0000

@ Cimorene
Oh I know! When I first heard it I was like, “What?…” Death traps indeed. I recall a case where a woman (army I think) was gunned down by an agressive “suitor” if you can call him that WHILE DEPLOYED. Anyone recall the pregnant female marine who was murdered by the man who raped her and then burned her body and the fetus? One of her fellow soldiers did that to her. It happens but god forbid I have PMS because then I’m a over-sensitive death trap.

By: Cimorene

Cimorene — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:38:21 +0000

Great post, Ocean_Breeze. Lots of things to thing about in here.

“Then she’s a PMSing walking death trap.”
and
“I recall when I deployed we are told by the older-higher rank males AND females to always travel in a buddy system even in the safe zones. Women walking alone at night can be “casualties of friendlys too”.”

These two statements together make me feel crazy. A woman with emotions (“PMS”) or a woman who speaks out against harassment is a “deathtrap” for men, but women are the ones who have to walk in a buddy-system to avoid friendlies raping you? I mean, come on! It’s like this weird distillation of everything about the patriarchy, in two sentences. On the one hand, women are dangerous because they–well, I don’t know, because they have PMS or are crazy hysterical women! So the women are so dangerous! Even though it’s the men who are fuckin’ raping the soldiers who are on their side. I mean obviously it’s morally abhorrent to rape people “on the other side,” but when you’re relying on other soldiers to keep you alive, but then you also have to worry about those same soldiers possibly raping you? I mean what kind of mental gymnastics are necessary to have both of these thoughts in the same head, without seeing the obviously ridiculous nature of the sentiments?

By: Ocean_breeze

Ocean_breeze — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:21:59 +0000

@ mischiefmanager

I know PLENTY who are gay in many branches. I view it just like being of a certain religion. It’s their choice. The only time I have seen it become a problem is when a homophobe finds out and flips out. Other than that most people don’t care. I did see someone of my same rank get discharged about a year ago because he caused a scene over his orientation. That is what they are trying to avoid. He wanted it publicly acknowledge/talked about that he was gay. We have no time or patience to stroke an ego like that. So when he really caused a disturbance he was discharged. You can be gay. That’s fine. We just don’t want that interfering with the work place. Same if your a religious nut job. You can get in trouble for that too. Again, no one cares WHAT you are as long as it causes no disturbance.

And everyone I know who is gay does not act “flaming” and that’s why it’s no issue. They don’t talk about their personal sex life and I appreciate that. I support gays but I can see where a few have given the rest a bad name. There is a time and place for everything and like I refrain from talking about my sex life they do too while we are at work.

@ Kate

Yes of course, use what I have said as you see fit. You may use my rank as well if you wish. I don’t mind at all since most of the above is my personal experience and thoughts.

@ baraqiel

I have no clue why we are placed in areas that have NOTHING to do with the active going-on’s of the “war”. When I deployed I was at a base called Manas in Kyrgyzstan. How many people know we have a full on base there? Not many. It isn’t classified info but many people have no idea. It is a very peaceful nation too. I enjoyed my time there. Why do we have a base in what was once the soviet union? No clue but we do. Most people argue that it is a FOB and not a base but it has a clinc, hard buildings, an air strip and PX (post exchange). That’s a base to me, right down to the pizza hut and barber.

By: baraqiel

baraqiel — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 17:27:10 +0000

@MM – I don’t want to give the wrong impression here — I definitely agree with you. And I think that the military can bring out some of the best in human behavior, but it can also bring out some of the worst. To be honest, some of my thinking on this is informed by the moderate possibility that I’ll work for the DoD at some point in my career in a civilian/consulting capacity, since they give out so many research grants.

And again, I’m not trying to condemn individual soldiers. I’m more worried about the role of the state here — that the state purposefully/knowingly traumatizes citizens, that people are put in the position, economically, where they have no good choices except the military, etc. Like I said, my thinking on this is mostly unsettled. I just find it…troubling.

@Ocean_breeze – Right, that makes a lot of sense. To me then the big question is where the state is choosing to put soldiers such that they are in harm’s way, and why they’re choosing to put them there.