Superbowl Sunday is as much–if not more–about the flashy, expensive ads as it is the outcome of the game. A lot of the lead-up hubbub was about the Tebow “Abortions Murder Football Heros!” ad, but if one were an alien who landed in the US yesterday afternoon in time for the game, one might have learned the following messages about gender:
- Women and Doritos are of equal value, to be coveted by some men (skeevy would-be boyfriends) and protected by others (aw, cute little boys!), who are their rightful owners.
- Women aspire to be shirt-stripping spokes-objects for web-hosting sites. (This from the only commercial I saw that had women speaking to each other and/or no men at all.)
- Men spend a lot of time walking around without their pants on. This is gross and yet HI-larious. Women who appear without pants are HOT. The less often women wear pants, the better things are.
- Little people are male, and funny-looking. Let us laugh at them!
- Good Women attain their status by birthing (white) ball-throwing male children.
- Life with a woman is an endless parade of emasculating indignities that men endure mostly in silence. This heroism is possible thanks to the dick-hardening properties of a car with a big motor or a portable sports-watching device. This is the hill men will rightfully die upon.
Men talk a lot more. Men do more things. Men are the people whose talking and doing matters.
In other words: welcome to The Patriarchy. Now go get me a beer (bitch).