Comments on: Miss Manners Meets The Patriarchy

By: Angie the Anti-Theist

Angie the Anti-Theist — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 02:56:16 +0000

I always wished my mom would do a little more snooping. Back in pre-Facebook toys, I’d actually tape paper letters from friends open on my walls, or leave my diary out (open). I never cleared the browser history of pro-ana sites.

I think online is just one expression of your child’s emotions/activities/thoughts. My mom wasn’t paying attention – period. I think it varies by kid, but I was trying to get an adult to help, so a little bit of notice would have gone a long way. I still don’t think policing me would have been helpful at building a trusting relationship though (maybe just taking an interest/paying attention.)

By: The Nerd

The Nerd — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 22:24:36 +0000

I spent the past couple hours reading her column. It is terrific! I was especially pleased at her publishing a letter written by a gay couple who had adopted a child: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/01/AR2009120103663.html

By: Never Mind the Bollocks (or the Patriarchy) - The Pursuit of Harpyness

Never Mind the Bollocks (or the Patriarchy) - The Pursuit of Harpyness — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 14:02:50 +0000

[...] day after I wrote about Miss Manners’ takedown of a dude who consulted a woman’s father before asking her out, the UK’s Daily Mail ran [...]

By: Joe

Joe — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:18:49 +0000

I just wanted to thank everyone who gave me ideas, I’ve actually had a talk with Nathan about this (home this weekend from college in Kentucky) and while he turned visibly pale when I suggested he ‘friend’ me on FB, I took all your suggestions about reminding him that I do have a right to know while he still ‘lives’ with me. Thusly, we had a better talk. So Becky, Rod, Sarah, Bara, and all others .. THANK YOU

By: bellacoker

bellacoker — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 00:04:07 +0000

baraqiel: Lol, I’m completely comfortable with giving unsolicited advice.

By: rodriguez

rodriguez — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:37:50 +0000

another post, another time: should we pay for music or does music want to be free? If all music is free, then what happens to musicians?

By: Joe

Joe — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:33:38 +0000

What I DO find troubling, and maybe your kids/family too, are the mysterious charges on the Visa! You know… the oh mom/dad, I get all my music free! Except for this 50 bucks to I-tunes, whats THAT! etc. So there is definitely secrecy.

By: rodriguez

rodriguez — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:16:11 +0000

really means: “because I might find something that troubles me and I wouldn’t know what to do, so I’d rather not know.” Plenty of ostriches with their heads in the sand

so true

By: BeckySharper

BeckySharper — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:11:11 +0000

@rodriguez: Yeah, I agree. I wouldn’t be inclined to police the kid’s every move–to a certain extent you have to trust your kids. But it also depends on the kid. If your kid is troubled or depressed or you suspect drug use, you’d probably check up a lot more often.

Personally, I find that a lot of parents who say “Oh, I don’t need to monitor” or “I wouldn’t violate my kids’ privacy like that” really mean: “because I might find something that troubles me and I wouldn’t know what to do, so I’d rather not know.” Plenty of ostriches with their heads in the sand, esp. in the suburbs where I grew up.

By: rodriguez

rodriguez — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 17:00:54 +0000

@becky ok so for me in this sentence you should be able to monitor all their on-line activity the accent is on able.

Here’s my experience, FWIW:
Of course I am able, I just don’t monitor it all.

It’s grey: my son’s 15, exactly in the middle, and (sorta?) mature. I look over his shoulder (POS! Joe look up that acronym), and I am his tech support. But I don’t friend him. As for my daughter, also a minor in my house, for me it’s not grey. She gets her own space. We talk about tech issues.

There was a time when I outlawed certain sites and monitored devart and whatnot. But, at 15 & 17, for me and my kids, those days are gone.