Dear Corporate Food-Like-Substance Manufacturing Overlords,
I’ve been seeing this commercial of yours a lot lately–it seems to be in heavy rotation on TLC and Bravo (Lady Channels, for ladies!)–and I feel the need to write and ask if you realized a few simple facts.
1. 80 calories is not sufficient for a grown-ass woman’s lunch or dinner. Or anybody’s lunch or dinner. One will become very ill, very quickly, if limited to 80 calories per meal. No, I’m not a medical doctor, but I don’t have my head up my ass, so I feel pretty safe making that assertion.
2. Fat is a nutrient. You need it to live. Many vitamins are fat-soluble can only be absorbed and used by the body if you consume some amount of fat.
3. Women deserve to derive pleasure from food. Not guilty, “oooh, so decadent!” pleasure that you then have to excuse or disavow to keep your dainty lady cred, but “my stars this is tasty, full stop” pleasure. You seem able to manage this for your manly soup varieties.
If you’re trying to sell your product, you might consider not treating your customer like a hideous monster whose shameful need for actual food must be managed by the painfully self-conscious consumption of your chemically engineered slop. If you aren’t actually in the business of selling self-loathing and misery, you might consider hiding your contempt for your customer a little better.
Fuck you very much,
P.S. Soup does not have a gender.