My bonbons will stay dazzle-free.
Ladies, if your nether regions aren’t trim or pink enough, there may be hope for you yet. Now you can distract potential partners by blinding them with sparkly Swarovski crystals! It’s…vejazzling!
No, I’m not joking. You wax your pubes off, then glue on the sparkles. They allegedly stay put for a few days. One blogger gave it a try, and you can view the results (link not explicit, but potentially NSFW).
What a phenomenally bad idea! Scraping! Loose crystals! In your teeth! Stuck to a condom! Even…Maude help me…getting shoved up into your vulva and vagina!
Also: a really stupid waste of money.
Woo-hoo!
It’s B-Dazzle for the moohaha! What if it ripes a condom? And you get pregnant? And you get an emergency contriceptive? And you facebook the contriceptive and the effects on your body?
Will it be your fault for having an “abortion” due to a pregnancy because you purchased this item since you heard about the new standards for the vagina?
I hate our flash-culture on looks. Inside and out.
For the fuck of shit.
Not only is it stupid looking, but if you’re going to cover up your public area with something, why not just, you know, grow your fucking pubes out a little!
Lucy, that’s what I thought. My luxuriant dark curls are much prettier–and softer!–than crystals!
Ocean_breeze, I always think of condom rippage when I see labia/penis piercings or anything sharp/abrasive down there.
Ocean_breeze:
It is ALWAYS YOUR FAULT for having an abortion because that means you had teh slutty slutty sex and you should’ve just kept your legs closed you whore!!!11!!?
I’m trying my best to find an upside to this…it covers razor bumps? My silver lining in the clouds manual doesn’t cover this.
Becky – as for your luxuriant bush being much softer (wow, never though I’d say THAT to a stranger before), excellent point! If I were a dude, I’d run screaming from anything involving hard little rocks and friction. Yikes!
There is a dude on my sofa right now who agrees with you!
@curt: I guess? But slapping glue on top of those razor bumps seems..yowchy.
Curt, LOL! If I used Swarovski crystals to cover my razor burn when I do shave down there, it would look like a three-year-old did the bedazzling! I honestly am still having trouble believing this is a real thing in the world.
Becky, any chance us commenters could get that nifty little edit function you just used?
It’s the 21st century merkin! But more painfuller!
I googled this a little and what really astounded me was when the salon people started talking about how much guys love “vagazzling”. If the dude you’re banging prefers your vulva to be covered in a veneer of plastic with crystals embedded in it, maybe he needs to be with a RealDoll and not a person.
Baraqiel, Gawker did a short, unscientific survey of the doodz in their office, who were all like “Uh…no.”
http://gawker.com/5480296/ladies-leave-your-vajazzler-at-home
The dude who is sitting on my couch observed that from his perspective, vejazzling would require rear-entry sex, because otherwise a dude’s groin could get bloodied rubbing up against those Swarovskis.
@Lucy: I know, I know, it is a common request. I will forward it to Pilgrim Soul, who is the Repository of All HTML Knowledge here at Harpyness.
Next: make your vagina slimmer and tauter! Try Vejazzercise, ladies!
For the fuck of shit. Had I been in on a marketing meeting that was about this product, I’d be the first to vocally shit all over it.
WHY?!?!?!?
SOLAG – cannot. stop. laughing. Picturing Richard Simmons screaming about Kegels! Set to ’80s music. Let’s get physical, ladies!
Becky – Just realized I was probably thread-jacking with my request. I would’ve edited my comment, but… (kidding and thanks for answering!) Also, thumbs up at Sofa Dude!
I am a feminist and a huge fan of this blog. and that is my cousin, Bryce, and her blog, TheLuxurySpot, and I am very proud of her. The actual link is here http://www.theluxuryspot.com/2010/02/23/i-got-vajazzled-and-had-a-camera-crew/ (it would be nice of you to change your link in the post to the original content of those involved and own the pictures)
I agree that there is too much in the media telling us what to look like and how we need to change our bodies. I don’t think it should be a norm that *everyone* should be expected to bejewel their jewels just like I don’t think everyone should have to shave. I believe women (and everyone) has a choice to decorate anyway they want to. Its similar to a choice to dress high femme or butch or not to care at all. If sparkly bits make you happy, go for it. If a huge bush makes you happy, go for it. If something in between strikes your fancy, go for it. No one should be dictating or judging what one woman decides to do with her crotch. Whats the difference between this and genital piercings, earrings, or even a henna tattoo.
Its weird, but meh. People do crazy things
So, all this has been VERY provoking… what I think all the readers here tend to forget is that I’m a writer. I’ll try anything once to see what’s up, what’s going on, and what’s out there. I never said “hey, everyone should go get vajazzled.” If you want a hairy vaj, do it. If you want a tattoo on your crotch, get one! If you want to trim mildly, so be it!
The point is that women should have the right to do whatever the hell they want with their own bodies. Pierce something if you choose. Wear glitter on your ass. Cover your nipples with flower petals… whatever makes you happy, makes me happy.
All that being said, it’d be really dandy if you linked to my ACTUAL post so the photographer got his due credits, etc.
And, if you want to see it, there’s a vid.
#justsayin.
@brycegruber
http://www.theluxuryspot.com/2010/02/23/i-got-vajazzled-and-had-a-camera-crew/
Thanks for the link, Sarah! I updated it so it connects to Bryce’s blog.
I agree with you that this is more silly/superficial than anything else. I wouldn’t put it in the same category as labiaplasty, which is painful and potentially damaging. I guess I’m just tired of all the messages we get that our perfectly normal crotches need to be waxed, shaved, dyed, snipped, bedazzled, perfumed, etc. But yeah, I agree, it’s not significantly different from, say, piercings or tattoos.
Kinda makes “Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes” sound pretty ordinary, doesn’t it?
Sarah, it’s nice that your cousin is an enterprising woman, but this is just not a good idea for all the reasons listed above. Hygiene, safety, keeping the condom in one piece are all a lot more important than having a sparkly crotch. The thought of having one of these things end up in someone’s uterus is horrifying to me. I hope Bryce has a hell of an insurance policy.
Wait, you think Blue Cross/Blue Shield doesn’t have a special swarovski-vagina-incident clause in it’s policy?
F*ck.
@Bryce: Sorry, I saw your message after Sarah’s because it was in the moderation queue.
So, all this has been VERY provoking… what I think all the readers here tend to forget is that I’m a writer. I’ll try anything once to see what’s up, what’s going on, and what’s out there.
No one was criticizing your writing or your professionalism or anything like that. We were joking about how stupid vejazzling is.
As for “women have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies”, well, yes, that’s technically true, at least in American culture. But none of us live in a vacuum–every day we receive an avalanche of messages about what we SHOULD and SHOULD NOT do, and how doing or not doing those things makes us ugly, slutty, weird, fat, undesirable, etc. Those messages have an impact, and pretending they don’t is either willfully ignorant or painfully naive.
@ Becky ::STANDS UP AND APPLAUDS::
AND, as you mentioned before, this trend also has an impact on women’s wallets. It’s fucking ridic and too “choosing my choice” for my tastes. Don’t we have ENOUGH to do to maintain modern “femininity”?
Whoa,
Now that I think about it there are many style choices for that area! You can shave, shape, color, style, wax, pluck…dye, have cosmetic surgery, scent, powder, tattoo, pierce…
And now bling it out!
I agree with all the humorless, sex-hating harpies of course, but in my heart… I think this is kind of hilarious. And pretty!
@Ocean_Breeze, Spark: You could get your whole moohaha seriously iced out, gangsta style.
Then you could sit it on this: http://www.diamondvues.com/2007/11/sit_on_a_75000_blinged_out_toi.html
Since bedazzling your vulva is not advertised as compulsory here I am not upset about this, and I am certainly not upset with Bryce for doing it and blogging about it.
Once it shows up in porn it will become compulsory.
@Becky: I’m not into waxing, so instead I’ll grow my pubic hair as long as possible and braid crystals into it. Maybe some beads and seashells too.
@Spark – This might be a stretch, but — Captain Snatch Sparrow?
They’re just nostalgic for hand-painted white Persian kitten t-shirt with crystal in the eyes. Or that could just be me…
i mean… crotch cornrows & beads sound fine to me. i won’t personally be recording that video, but, i will be happy to break the news if someone else does.
The vocabulary gap strikes again. Judging by the linked blog entry with pictures, this isn’t bedazzling the vagina, nor even the vulva. This is bedazzling the mons pubis and lower belly. The ‘jewels’ aren’t ever between the legs, they’re above the legs.
My IUD is the only bling allowed in my nether regions, but I would like a massive sapphire for my navel. And that persian kitten T-shirt that Bellacoker mentionned…..
[...] And thanks, Pursuit of Harpyness, for the link. [...]
@Kathmandu: it is mostly on the mons in those pictures but you can also have the jewel thingys set lower, around your labia majora.
This article claims there is a spa in Washington DC called Strippers. As a DC resident until very recently, I’m shocked I’ve never heard of it.
I had a look at that link, and I think the bedazzling just looks *really* stupid. Also: a complete waste of money (only 5 days??)
On a different note, having lived my entire grown-up life in countries where Brazilians are still looked at askance, and not being a porn-watcher, I had also never seen an entirely waxed vulva until those pics, despite plenty of trips to fully naked saunas etc. The whole, ‘it all has to be gone’ thing was only familiar to me from American relatives talking about it (and blogs).
My reaction to the sight was very different from what I would have expected – to me, the hairless privates really did seem childlike, and it kind of freaked me out in a way I didn’t expect.
*not judging anyone who waxes it all off, just recording my first reaction to a fairly recent trend in grooming*
@Spark: Do you think those vendors on the beaches in Mexico would charge extra for that? Or would you get a discount?
Oh, the comments over on the Gawker article are hilarious. This whole thing it just set up so perfectly for far too many jokes
Endora: I too think a hairless vulva looks disconcertingly prepubescent, and it’s always amazed me that some women don’t seem to have this association. But then I thought about the fact that I’m older, and, because the popularity of Brazilians is a relatively new thing, I am used to associating hair down there with adult womanhood. Girls and young women maturing in today’s society (at least here in the US) are regularly exposed to the hairless look on post-pubescent women, so they don’t exclusively associate hairlessness with prepubescence. Nevertheless, it still freaks me out a little and it’s not a look I’d choose.
Penny_Esq: Extra, definitely. They’d have to erect little privacy tents or something.
My husband’s dental bills are high enough.
@Tall-in-heels: I had heard enough about this trend that I wouldn’t have imagined actually seeing it would freak me out, but it really did seem odd to see a grown woman looking like that.
I suppose the woman in ‘L’origine du monde’ would be considered horribly unattractive now, what with her rolls of skin and public hair… *sigh*
ahem, that was supposed to be *pubic* hair, obviously. Her public pubic hair.
Do they offer a Hello Kitty vajazzling?
@RocktheDebit: If they do, the Japanese will be vejazzling like there’s no tomorrow!
If my boyfriend wanted me to do this, I would. As long as he did it first.
I can has sparkly merkin?
It’s decorative and no weirder than my shaved ex’s “Tweety-bird with a reel lawnmower” tattoo. But me, I wear my bush in an Xaveria clip (nothing on the sides or down the legs and the rest shaped into a neat triangle) and nothing else. No sparklies for me.