Comments on: I wonder what the girls have to do in exchange…

By: rocknrollunicorn

rocknrollunicorn — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:40:21 +0000

This is an issue I frequently find myself fervently arguing with other women. In the end I’m way too passionate and they think I am crazy. But I truly do not understand why so many people (trust me, it’s not just this guy, though the standing up upon a lady’s entrance is a new one for me) still think of manners in terms of gentleman vs. lady. My brain explodes constantly when people try to explain why they like this form of manners.

Honestly I wish some people would just out and out say “I like feeling masculine/feminine in this context.” Which doesn’t work for me, but I think is the true issue.

By: Joe

Joe — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 03:43:46 +0000

To this day I HATE people opening doors for me (I mean some will stand there when I’m 50 feet away and I feel as if I have to hurry up), yet I do feel guilty as a man not opening for women. I know I shouldn’t feel that way. Must be my 60′s conditioning.

By: TVille

TVille — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 22:39:01 +0000

Is he teaching the boys how to joust, too?

By: Thessa Mercury

Thessa Mercury — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:21:47 +0000

How is this “practical ettiquette”? Anyone I know would definitely classify it as “the white-glove, snobby kind.” And the part at the end about parents calling to make sure their daughters say thank you- ew. Just ew. Condescend some more, why don’t you?

By: Ocean_breeze

Ocean_breeze — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 19:59:43 +0000

I appreciate that he had a problem with the prior treatment but it leaves a stale taste in my mind that makes me wonder why he is so far off the mark on his tactics.

By: Sweet Machine

Sweet Machine — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 19:44:25 +0000

To me, the whole point of having manners is to treat others the way you would want to be treated.

Yes! It’s not about dividing up the world into classes of people, some of whom should be deferred to and some of whom shouldn’t; it’s about treating every person you meet as an actual human being, just like you are.

By: Monday Link Love « The Feminist Texican

Monday Link Love « The Feminist Texican — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 19:06:30 +0000

[...] The Pursuit of Harpyness: I wonder what the girls have to do in exchange… [...]

By: ausgezeichnet

ausgezeichnet — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 19:04:10 +0000

This is enraging to me for some reason that I can’t put my finger on. To me, the whole point of having manners is to treat others the way you would want to be treated. I also think people should see each other as equals on a base level (e.g., if a guy getting on my elevator has a ton of stuff in his hands, I will push the button for him, and I certainly don’t mind when people do that for me). So, separating the class into haves and have-nots seems counter to that proposition. Why not just teach all of the students to hold the door for everyone, regardless of gender?

By: Kari

Kari — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 19:04:00 +0000

Why do respect and civility have to be so strictly gendered? I truly dislike the notion that boys should learn one set of manners/behaviour and girls should learn a different set. That causes at least as many problems than it solves.

By: VaS

VaS — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 18:54:57 +0000

Hmm, I think this is just going to make the boys more resentful of the girls in the long run. They’ll feel like they’re putting in extra work while the “lazy,” “ungrateful” girls benefit and nothing breeds resentment like feeling like you’re going the extra mile while getting nothing in return.

I also doubt that most of the boys take any of this standing up when a girl enters the room, etc. shtick beyond the one teacher’s classroom. (I’m guessing these students are at least middle school age, and are switching classes ala most American schools.) In fact, I wonder if the girls in some of these boys’ following classes get double the bullying as a result of this teacher’s policies. He doesn’t see it anymore so they mustn’t ever do it anymore, right?