Unfortunately, real carrots don't seem to work.
I was in absentia last week due to a big deadline, which I met, but only by neglecting almost everything else in my life. Obviously, I need to work on balance, so I never have to turn off the internet and literally lock myself in my room for hours at a time, for days at a stretch, again.
It can be hard for me to commit to work for the sake of the work itself–there needs to be some external reason, whether it’s threat of disapproval from a beloved mentor or a sense of responsibility to my beloved students. I need the stick, even if it’s a soft, inflatable, plush-covered one.
But the carrot! I’m likely to forgo the carrot, since really, meeting one’s obligations shouldn’t guarantee you a ticker-tape parade. We say this all the time: you don’t get a cookie for not being an asshole.
But I did just complete a 45 page draft. IT IS MILLER TIME, BITCHEZ.
Except that Miller is gross. I need something better. I made brownies, and I’m thinking about buying myself a kind-of-expensive book that has to do with another research interest, but that seems…inadequate.
So inspire me! Today’s FFT question is: how do you reward yourself after getting past a major hurdle? What is your preferred carrot?
I bought myself a necklace I wanted for about a year when I got my current (temp) job, and I have a bottle of expensive champagne at the house to be popped when I get a permanent offer.
Mostly though, I just guilt a friend into meeting me for drinks to celebrate my accomplishments.
::cracks open miller tallboy, hands to PhDork::
Cake usually does it for me. That and some quality time on the couch watching something mindless. With cake.
Pedicure. Because it’s so frivolous, but oh my callousy feet feel sooooo much better afterwards, it’s like a reward that keeps rewarding. Home pedicures are never as good as going to a spa for a long foot soak, paraffin treatment and have someone else deal with the huge freaking callouses while you doze in the spa chair.
Barring a pedicure, a really great meal. Or something I’ve had my eye on for a while (book, movie, fountain pen, piece of clothing I don’t need but want madly).
::pops cork, makes long-winded speech praising PhDork::
I usually set the night on fire. With fabulousness, not fire.
After a giant reporting deadline for a multi-million dollar grant, I signed myself up for 3 months of a vegan cookie of the month club. Each month a dozen vegan cookies appear at my doorstep. NOM.
Congrats, PhDork!
My carrots almost always involve movies and food. After we took the bar exam, my friends and I took ourselves out for falafel and a viewing of Mamma Mia in the theater. The next day we had a Firefly dvd marathon accompanied by Chinese takeout. After a whole summer of horrible studying, it was great to fill our bellies with good food and our brains with frivilous fun.
Is it sad that my first thought was “I just give myself the carrot regardless if I’ve achieved anything meaningful”? I’m saving up for a couple of big-ticket items. Perhaps I should be using these as a motivational tool!
Anyways. I love a good meal out with the SO. It varies. Sometimes the carrot is a nap, sometimes food, sometimes an experience. Even something as little as a book or magazine that I haven’t read yet.
Date night without the kid, but I suspect a date is less of a big deal when you don’t normally spend your meal trying to get a toddler to try just three bites of the food you spent three hours preparing.
I’m also a reward shopper. I really try not to bring more stuff into the house, but I really adore acquiring books and kitchen tools. I’m not sure it’s incentive so much as an excuse, but it’s definitely a preferred carrot.
Dinner out at a favorite restaurant (usually Afghan), and uninterrupted browsing and shopping at a quilt shop.
@ Ms. M – Theme night?
I’m so self-indulgent on a regular basis that it is difficult for me to create exceptional carrots. I usually find that finishing the damn thing and finally getting some sleep is its own reward.
I need to play mental games like this for the 20% of things I must do but don’t want to do. For the balance I don’t need a carrot.
When I need it the carrot is an evening out that involves a little alcohol and laughing a little too loudly.
I’m totally looking for an excuse to buy myself these boots. Because ohmygod I really really really need them. And they’re on sale. And they’re docs, so what else is there to say, really?
I guess this means I’m going to have to accomplish something.
@Rachel If you need the boots then you don’t need an excuse: you have a reason. So buy them.
Even if it’s functional, it usually is something to look at. Like recently I bought myself a pot and strainer, and they’re both shiny red.
Other times it’s just unabashedly a visual thing, like going to the tattoo convention or taking a drive through the countryside.
I sometimes figure out the reward ahead of time and give it to myself whether I “won” or not. For example, when I was competing for a particular job, when I didn’t get it, I still bought myself the Kindle, as a consolation prize. With a red cover of course!
@ rodriguez: it seems inevitable. I must buy them. And it’s snowing here AGAIN, so adding another pair of boots to my closet is totally justifiable.
I’ve long been ashamed of myself for it, but I’m also a person who needs sticks. If I didn’t have social approbation as a consequence, I wouldn’t even bathe. And I never feel accomplished when I finish something. Like you said, meeting obligations isn’t exactly celebration worthy, at least in my mind.
I dunno, it doesn’t seem to help me get anything done though. My therapist just spent a frustrating (for him) half-hour trying to convince me that getting out of bed, let alone completing academic work, while severely depressed is something worthy of pride.
@Rachel: damn. Those are some awesome boots! Suddenly my 12 eye Docs feel inadequate! Btw, what kind of reaction do Docs get in the land of cowboy boots?
Towards the end of my tenure at my firm, I veered dangerously in the direction of being a reward shopper of expensive shit that I didn’t need or use. Ultimately that left me feeling hollow and wasteful. More enjoyable, a multi-course meal at a nice restaurant, or a new piece of (not necessarily expensive) art.
These days, I love it when my husband and I hop in the car and just drive. When we lived in Kansas we visited all manner of weird small-town novelty attractions (The Worlds Largest Prairie Dog!) and festivals. Here we just pack a few sandwiches and drive up into the mountains for the day. A real splurge is going to see a concert at a small venue or an NBA game.
No shame, Nepenthe. I mean, the existence of the phrase “carrot and stick” proves that negative consequences are a huge motivator for a lot of people. Getting *anything* done while mired in the Slough of Despond is indeed carrot-worthy. (And, for the record, I have not yet bathed today, but will, since the Dude’s early birthday karaoke thing is tonight, and I shouldn’t distract from the affair with my stink-lines.
)
Thanks for the kind words, y’all. Boots, yummy dinners, and tasty beverages for all!
I’m the same way – I work best under a deadline, and when it comes to big things like analyzing data and writing manuscripts I can’t seem to make myself focus without a certain stress level.
But I also reward myself, usually with some sort of mini-vacation. I might take a weekend trip to the beach, or even just a daytrip somewhere. Anything to get me out of the house and office and away from my computer.
Tall in Heels, I am from Colorado and have driven through Kansas on many occasions, which is to say that I ALSO have seen the world’s largest prairie dog!
@Dork – If you’ve got karaoke tonight, treat yourself to a turn at the mic with a really campy Liza or Cher performance!
Honestly, ok this is pretty detailed: I purchase the following – one bottle of single malt whisky and one box of violet creams and one trashy bonkbuster. In the bad old days I used to also add one carton of cigarettes to this. I poor myself a good shot of said single malt, run a very hot bath with lots of bubbles and get in. While wallowing in bath for an hour I eat the violet creams and read the trashy novel and sip the whisky. I tell everyone near and dear to me not to disturb as i may be some time. The end.
JennyK: We’re in CO now, and we’ve also driven across the two states many times during the last couple of years. I actually love that drive. We’ve traveled through some amazing storms that just unleashed over the open prairie. And although we generally avoid fast food in our everyday life, it was our ritual to stop for Mickey D’s in Colby.
I tend to go the ‘experiences’ route. My mainstay is a night drinking with friends, but sometimes I’m classier. I got a scholarship application done last week and treated myself to an afternoon (including tea!) at a lovely museum of 19th century art the next day.
Sometimes I use it to justify yet another Amazon purchase.
I’m motivated more than I like by fear though: fear of failure and fear of disappointing others. I’m working on it.
@Becky: I know, aren’t they The Best Docs Ever? In my experience docs automatically put you in the “punk” catogory here, regardless of what the rest of your outfit is like. But that’s OK since rockabilly is pretty big around here and there are some really great local rockabilly and punk bands, and quite the punk scene. It seems like the kids who grow up here who reject the whole cowboy thing go with a punk identity in order to place themselves firmly outside of the cowboy regime. When I was a wee teen girlchild growing up in Seattle, docs were only punk if you wanted them to be, but whatever.
For me, it depends. If I am working hard and exhausting myself, it’s usually sleep, and maybe some bubbly wine if it’s very hard work, and YA fiction. This year after finals, which included a last minute rewrite of my essay for PhD program applications and the applications themselves, I took myself out to a nice restaurant for some bubbly wine, then came home and read all of Terry Pratchett’s Tiffany Aching books, doing nothing but sleeping, eating, reading, and walking my dog until I finished all three.
If something exciting happens and I’m not exhausted, my partner and I go out to dinner together and eat yummy food. After I got accepted to those blasted PhD programs, we went out for pork cheek and french gnocchi and homemade mint ice cream from our favorite restaurant. It was delightful.
And when in doubt, easy, funny, fantasy fiction, either via the television or a book, is the sure fire way to celebrate.
A huge glass of something cold and alcohol-y, a clove cigarette and at least one fabulous friend who will chat up a storm with me while we discuss how fabulous we are because of…
yvan–I can only inflict my karaoke crooning upon others after a significant quantity of shame-numbing drinks, but my, uh, “specialty” is Dee-lite’s “Groove is in the Heart.” And I may be convinced to sing back-up on any B-52s song; the Dude does a *killer* Fred Schneider impression.
Deadlines are better motivation for me than rewards, but I certainly never pass up the opportunity to go out and talk to people after an extended period of Being Good and getting my work done. I’ve also recently discovered shopping, though I’m still of the ‘go there for a specific item’ type of shopper. Browsing is too much like researching without a question.
Browsing is too much like researching without a question.Today’s FB status. Thank you Nadia!
My thing is kind of a stick-like carrot. I tend not to get much house cleaning done when I’m up against a deadline, which means that things get a little (to put it mildly) on the messy side. So my “reward” is often “now I get to clean up!” Which is actually kind of satisfying, if you’re a work-aholic who doesn’t typically get to do the kind of stuff with really tangible results. I find that cooking (as others mentioned) also brings about this kind of satisfaction, so I’ll put off big or time-consuming projects like “make my own curry paste” until after all the work is done, too.
And if that fails, well, then I buy some new shoes.